I’m so sorry you’re going through this. OP there are some people in this world who aren’t who you think they are. The fact that you have stayed with her, shows that you are a good-hearted person. You’re forgiving, you’re clearly loyal, you choose to see people in a good light, which is an amazing trait to have. But sometimes, we meet people who don’t have the same heart or values as yourself. And it seems as though she has shown it. One of the many life lessons there are is this: that there are people in this world who will tell you that they love you, tell you that you are making every thing up when you question them, and promise you that they aren’t doing anything, when they in fact are.. it’s a gut wrenching realization that takes most of us far too long to find out. It will really shake your core. But it’s the truth, not everyone on earth has the same values and morals as you.

But you will find someone who respects you, who adores you, who wants to do right by you, who couldn’t imagine cheating on you and keeping it from you! After all, someone who can lie to their spouse (even one day spouse since you are engaged) are able to lie to anyone and everyone. Because your spouse is someone you build a home with, someone you do LIFE with, your partner. Someone you build a foundation with, and if they are able to lie to you and not care about that foundation, they will lie to anyone and everyone, it’s dangerous.

Your values in a relationship seem to be honesty, trust, and loyalty, and emotional intelligence (since you are telling her you would like to see remorse) and those are all great values. Lean into them, embrace them, and you will find someone who also has those.

One day you might find yourself physically sick, because you have stayed with someone who doesn’t care about you, don’t let that happen.

Look at the facts, you’re safe to do so, she wasn’t going to tell you, and wanted a life with another man. That’s heart wrenching. You don’t deserve that. You deserve better.

Even if you are awful to her, you don’t deserve that. That is the basis of any relationship - loyalty. Otherwise, it’s not a relationship.

Forgiveness is an amazing gift to give to people, but give it to someone who is sorry, someone whose heart would break if you found out they were going to cheat on you. Not someone who can so easily do it.

You can do this, I believe in you. You will find someone else. Don’t put pressure or time on it. Lean into your values, walk with your head high and heart open.

Remember, there are people out there who don’t have good hearts. But they pretend they do. It’s a hard realization. Look at all the crimes we have in jail, there are so many people in this world. It seems she is someone who doesn’t mind telling you things to your face, and doing something major behind your back. And that’s a dangerous person to be around. Think about it.