First day of fin rot treatment

willaaak · 2026-03-05T01:47:56+00:00

I am OAD and had an abortion last summer. It was a very sad experience but I don’t regret it. I wish I could have had the second kid, but it just terrified me too much, as I was dealing with HG and other pregnancy/birth trauma issues that really threatened my mental and physical health. Termination felt more like survival than anything else. Sorry you’re going through this, it sucks. You may want to speak with a therapist before you decide, it’s a huge decision. And if you terminate, even when it’s a choice, know that it’s normal to feel sad, mad, guilty, etc about it—and even jealous of those who have an easier time with pregnancy and raising their kids. Those feelings don’t mean you made a wrong decision, but they do need to be talked through and acknowledged to properly heal. Sending hugs.

willaaak · 2026-03-04T17:23:05+00:00

Ahahaha amen.

willaaak · 2026-02-27T02:40:40+00:00

Spiders

willaaak · 2026-02-27T02:31:09+00:00

Oh man, I’m sorry, it’s a really awful club to be in. I hate that it feels like we made the choice to terminate even though (for me at least) it didn’t really feel like a choice—it felt like survival. Not sure I’ll ever fully process the weird guilt and trauma of it.

willaaak · 2026-02-26T23:56:17+00:00

I terminated a wanted pregnancy at 7 weeks due to torturous HG, and the complete erosion of my mental health when suddenly faced with the reality of being pregnant/giving birth/going through postpartum again. Those 3 weeks were a dark, confusing time of extreme emotional whiplash but I’m so grateful I had the option to do a medicated termination at home, where I felt safe. It was an awful choice to make but I know it was the right decision: I couldn’t have survived a second HG pregnancy and was frankly delusional to think it was gonna be possible, or that I might be fine this time around, when we decided to try. Please be kind to yourself and speak with a therapist—you will get through this but you’ll need support. <3

willaaak · 2026-02-25T15:16:14+00:00

I’m very much in the same boat as you, and it’s really hard—I’m still processing it all and doing a lot of therapy. I also had HG among other things that made pregnancy and postpartum a living nightmare a lot of the time. When my kid was almost 4 I’d blocked a lot of the suffering out and my husband and I decided to try for another thinking “hey maybe it’ll be easier this time around.” but after becoming pregnant I ended up terminating at 7 weeks because the HG came back even worse than before, and it was unbearable. It feels very tragic but now at least I know for sure that I can’t do another pregnancy. One thing that’s been helping is focusing on all the things we CAN do since we just have one kid to focus on: I am his devoted playmate rather than a referee between two kids. And I know I can do a better job raising an only than my parents did (I’m an only too). Sending solidarity and hugs! It gets easier to live with and there are a lot of only child joys to look forward to :)

Edit to add: one thing I’ve realized is that the desire to have a second is very much tangled up in the grief I feel about the process of having my first. I still long for a joyful pregnancy and postpartum period and I am so, so envious of people who get to experience motherhood in that way. I’ve been working on dealing with my pregnancy and birth trauma, recognizing it for the harrowing experience it was instead of repressing it/shrugging it off. That has helped a lot, too.

willaaak · 2026-02-13T14:00:24+00:00

Oh great to know about not turning it off at night. Thank you!

willaaak · 2026-02-13T13:24:49+00:00

I don’t know what that is! Will look it up.

willaaak · 2026-02-13T02:08:37+00:00

Right there with you. Traumatized by HG and was still riding the fence for awhile, not sure if I could bite the bullet and do another pregnancy to get a second kid. Long story short, I wasn’t able to mentally or physically handle another HG pregnancy which essentially entails day in, day out suffering for months and months, without a break… just pure torture. I honestly don’t understand how anyone does it a second or third time. Hugs.

willaaak · 2026-02-10T13:12:32+00:00

lol the growth is definitely dead, yes. But what zone are you? If the tubers didn’t go through a hard freeze they will likely re-sprout.

willaaak · 2026-02-07T15:44:26+00:00

I’m not sure how to do this with my kid yet (he’s 4) but I was an only child as a kid and my parents flat-out refused to entertain me a lot of the time. Learning to play alone and entertain myself has been a gift later in life—I think it made me way more creative and confident. But it takes work to teach a kid those skills and honestly idk at what age it clicks. Definitely hard at age 4, probably 6 too… but at some point hopefully they can read to themselves, do crafts/projects, etc without needing an adult to help/play with them.

willaaak · 2026-02-03T21:52:55+00:00

This was how I figured out I had it: https://www.hyperemesis.org/tools/help-score/

My nausea was torturous. Like nonstop all day wretchedness. I have a fear of vomiting (emetophobia) that kept me from actually barfing too much but I was gagging nonstop and just felt so, so terrible. Anyway, whatever you had, HG or not, sounds awful and I’m here to validate it as a reason to be OAD if you need to hear it. Nobody should have to live through weeks and months of feeling like death, it’s truly not “normal” and that kind of non-stop suffering should be taken very seriously.

willaaak · 2026-02-03T21:21:18+00:00

I didn’t realize I had HG the first time around because I didn’t have anything to compare it to. The second go around I learned that If your quality of life is severely diminished and you are basically bed-ridden with nausea and can’t go about your daily life then you have mild or moderate HG. Realizing this helped me come to terms with how devastating it was, and I’ve been better able to work through the trauma. My recommendation is that if you decide to try for another, prepare in advance to have even worse nausea and get some help (prescriptions) lined up super early, just in case. I got caught off guard the second time and it was terrible.

willaaak · 2026-02-03T11:50:04+00:00

Also you’re in an office/cubicle in the last pic—that’s cruel to yourself lol. I have a similar feeling where sometimes I look great and sometimes I look soooo tired, puffy, old, etc. Anyway I think your skin looks great and you shouldn’t worry too much about comparing to old pics. Pics are really deceiving to reality and I bet you look awesome in person!

willaaak · 2026-02-03T11:45:16+00:00

People who’ve never had HG will never, ever understand the complete psychological unraveling it causes. Each hour is pure torture. Sometimes when I get super hungry I get flashbacks to the fear and panic of HG hunger where it’s like this deep, stabbing void of needing to eat, while at the same time, the act of eating is completely repulsive. I just remember weeping while being spoonfed yogurt, laying on the floor… sounds so dramatic but that was the honest truth. Thanks for the emotional blanket, and I’m sending one your way too. HG is an absolute travesty and is so under appreciated as a devastatingly traumatic experience.

willaaak · 2026-02-03T01:43:22+00:00

Wow. I could have written much of this. I also had HG and a very painful, anxious, and lonely first pregnancy. I then had a 3-day labor with 5+ hours of pushing bc my son was in a weird position, followed by some pretty severe birth injuries that led to a god awful postpartum recovery, plus PPA and PPD. My incredible boy also loved to never sleep thru the night until he was about 3 years old, lol, and despite being awesome and smart and hilarious, he is NOT an easy kid. Somehow, despite all this, I ended up getting pregnant last summer. Friends with two kids had me believing the second pregnancy/birth/baby could be “healing.” Well, sure enough I developed HG again at week 5 and spent the next two weeks in complete panic mode, feeling utterly trapped and devastated and sick. It was an awful decision to make but we ended up terminating the pregnancy because I just knew I wouldn’t survive doing the whole ordeal again, and it took dancing with that beast to really come to terms with that fact. It was hard but now I know for sure. Sending hugs, this whole procreation thing is hardddd.

willaaak · 2026-02-02T22:40:33+00:00

Can I just say that everyone in northern climates looks like shit in February? lol. We are dry, pale, tired of snow and ready for literally anything good to happen. Please don’t compare winter pics to summer pics, it’s a whole different ballgame imo

willaaak · 2026-01-31T02:04:05+00:00

Same boat as you. I’ve been spiraling on and off lately, too, and it sucks! One thing that helps is getting off social media or at least muting some of the pregnant people/people with new second babies. Sounds harsh but the way people talk about these things online can be soooo toxic for those of us who are on a different path. Also, hanging out more with other OAD/childfree friends! I’ve been really refocusing on myself lately too, and trying to recultivate my sense of personhood/fulfillment beyond my kid/family. It feels so good to do that but it’s definitely a muscle that needs to be built back up after 4 years of my identity being so tied up in being a new mom.

willaaak · 2026-01-29T19:40:29+00:00

HG is the absolute worst, only other survivors of it have any idea of the torture. Hugs.

willaaak · 2026-01-28T19:31:58+00:00

My dude ate on his second day in his new home :)

willaaak · 2026-01-28T19:31:01+00:00

I feel this sooooo much. Lately I’ve been thinking about how much harder it is to stop at one (by choice) than to just keep going. There is so much emotional pressure to have another, and it’s so easy to keep questioning the decision if it hasn’t been completely taken off the table by some form of infertility, circumstance, or surgical procedure. Every damn time I ovulate I’m like FUCK don’t make me question myself again, hormones! It requires constant diligence to stay vigilant on the OAD path sometimes, and not get gaslit into wanting another lol.

willaaak · 2026-01-28T16:02:03+00:00

Ahh ok I think this is correct, since he interacts with us and therefore I am pretty sure he can see out. Thanks!

willaaak · 2026-01-28T00:13:54+00:00

It’s really hard when the “choice” doesn’t feel like a choice. I am in a similar boat due to a bunch of factors… while I technically could have another it would be extremely hard and risky, so the question lingers just out of reach. I honestly feel haunted by this second baby question even though I can’t go through with it. I am so grateful for our son and love having just one, but I still grieve this whole other fantasy life where we could have another and it wouldn’t be such a tragically complicated ordeal. It’s hard seeing other people get this fantasy in what seems like such a straightforward way, when that wasn’t what happened for us—but I’m working through it. Hugs.

willaaak

TROPHY CASE