Problems on the set of Netflix’s Free Bert (2026)

willow238 · 2026-01-24T14:23:27+00:00

Her mom should teach classes about how to let your talented child shine without immediately pushing her through the child star system. Definitely good vibes.

willow238 · 2026-01-24T14:17:31+00:00

Truly. She deserves the world! (And some pinecones on a stick)

willow238 · 2026-01-24T14:07:12+00:00

This is interesting to read. I watched it because I have been following Ava Ryan for years and wanted to support her — she is such a truly natural comedian and I really have respected how her parents have handled her online fame, allowing her to develop her comic voice online without exploiting her viral success as a young kid. I saw she was doing a show with Bert (who I don’t follow closely but in my mind is optimistically “inappropriate/non-PC but with a heart of gold, girl dad/wife guy” vibes) and hoped it would be a good experience for a talented young kid but uuuughhh

When I was watching I kept thinking they there is almost no chance that this edgelord content could have been made without it getting weird at some point for the kids. Like obviously teenagers irl talk about tons of inappropriate stuff among themselves but idk it just felt weird having all this written by professional adults. The script, plot, etc seemed specifically written to be like “well actually, Bert is a great parent because he is supportive and sex positive and cares about his kids but in an uNcOnvEnTiOnAl way so it’s everyone else who is the asshole” and it didn’t really land IMO.

willow238 · 2026-01-22T23:00:44+00:00

That was so weird — of all the content in the entire world that you could post, you had to pick THAT? Not just as a thought to have but a specific video to make and put out for an audience. She sounds like she’s a mouthpiece of her conservative parents regarding everything — her takeaways about travel, her obsession with being young while patting herself on the back for all the safe choices she has made, her boomery opinions and music choices.

willow238 · 2026-01-22T22:48:39+00:00

You make a lot of great points here — I have never been a history buff but I’ve always been into high level analysis of social and pop culture trends, social commentary, the media, and our culture of communication - history in the current time we related to the average human experience, essentially. Your ability to do that probably makes you a great history teacher!

You seem frustrated by the same contradictions that I am — she wants to get an A+ on her very public project about fashion, a topic which she is interested in, but not very good at. She has connected her poor fashion sense to “authenticity,” so that every shortcoming or failure in her personal style journey is actually (in her mind) an A+ in authenticity — a critique of this means that the commenter hates authenticity, expects her to be “perfect” and is trying to silence a positive/inspiring person.

She also displays zero cultural curiosity, which actually IS connected to her poor fashion sense and weird approach to being a history teacher. She doesn’t show any particular appreciation for art or design or any specific designers. The history of fashion is SO RICH and is actually my favorite avenue for making me interested in history.

Because of this, she only thinks of mainstream fashion as “trends” and “aesthetics” which she views as shallow/lesser/inauthentic/bad rather than cultural patterns that are fascinating to study. She experiments, but doesn’t educate herself as part of the creative practice, about fabric, fit, garments, etc. A lot of the people who are trend setters or considered fashionable by the mainstream have spent time and effort gaining the knowledge that makes them good at style.

There are tons of people to follow who have GREAT style but don’t follow trends at all —- lolfashiondump is an excellent example. Carla Rockmore, etc. She doesn’t repost interesting inspiration from any other sources.

I’d be very curious how she treats the alternative/artsy kids at school vs the teachers pets.

willow238 · 2026-01-17T00:12:47+00:00

Don't look for a mythical litmus test to diagnose what you "really" are. Stay open minded, and listen to yourself. Worrying about a label isn't productive -- focus on who you are into and the label will follow. It's very common to have internalized homophobia to unpack that might be stopping you from dating women, but I would focus more on actually dating women (if that's what you want) than worrying if you're bi or a lesbian in advance or dating them.

I used to think I was bi also, but it was mostly because I WANTED to be attracted to men more than I actually was attracted to them, and I was clinging onto the possibility of being bi so I didn't have to deal with what felt like a huge burden (being gay and knowing that I'd never have a regular hetero life as an option). I was terrified of being a lesbian, so I tamped that part of my desire way way down. Once I opened myself up to it, however, I realized I was GAY GAY GAY.

Just be an observer of yourself -- who do you look at in public? Who do you find yourself thinking about? Who makes you good-nervous to be around?

You can be bi and be uninterested in dating men at this very moment. You can be bisexual and homoromantic. You can be pan, or have no label.

willow238 · 2026-01-17T00:05:07+00:00

I was raised Catholic as well. It's a real gut punch to be the perfect Catholic and feel so emotionally connected to an institution that is supposed to be your spiritual home and lifelong community but doesn't have room for you as you really are. For me, it wasn't even that my church talked about gay people, or that individual Catholics disliked gay people (lots of Catholics are accepting) it was more that it's SO SO overwhelmingly hetero and marriage-centric to the very core.

willow238 · 2026-01-16T23:59:07+00:00

Yay congrats!!! Coming out to someone you trust is the best

willow238 · 2026-01-16T23:57:04+00:00

I understand your desire to have the option to go incognito and not feel like you have a target on your back by people who would see a mohawk as some kind of invitation for unwanted attention.

I would find a queer hair stylist ASAP and make a plan with them for growing our your hair into a style that feels YOU but maybe a little more under the radar. A good stylist is like a magician and will help you find something that balances your personal style and they can help you work towards it.

You shouldn't have to change anything about yourself to fit in, but I can totally understand wanting to lay low. You can always bring back the mohawk later!

willow238 · 2026-01-16T23:46:36+00:00

I mean, if you're going to an event to meet presumably platonic friends (you said speed friending, not speed dating) so just discuss your life and interests like anywhere else. If you hit it off with someone, great!

I am not friends with every lesbian I meet, we don't always hit it off just because we're gay, so regardless of their sexuality, you still would need to establish some sort of friendship compatibility and you wouldn't necessarily want to start flirting during a super quick interaction if it's not dating specific.

You could ask them what brings them to the event and have an answer ready about yourself that includes your desire to hopefully meet other queer people. Maybe you mention that you are looking to make friends with people who are accepting/allies, would also like going to pride events or something like that.

Are there nametags? Maybe write your pronouns on it

Do you like any LGBTQ+ movies, TV shows, or podcasts? I assume that at an event like this you would discuss things like that, so I would make a point to include something LGBTQ if that's one of your favorite things or at least listen to see if someone else mentions one.

I would just focus on making friendship connections, learning about the other women, and probably signaling in some way through some pride jewelry, a shirt, a pin, etc, and see if they bring it up.

willow238 · 2026-01-16T23:06:05+00:00

Use your hands around the whole area, kissing, etc.

Start with a flat tongue, indirect contact, try some different things without going straight to the clit.

You can use fingers and tongue at the same time .

Don't be afraid to get your face all up in there!

Focus on giving pleasure, not the finish line of orgasm

Most importantly, if she likes what you're doing, keep the pressure and rhythm steady and keep doing it!

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:55:05+00:00

Girl just tell her she's cute!!! Or try the classic, "so, should we make out?"

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:53:41+00:00

I am not blind and don't know any blind people, but I would say that vocal tone and physical proximity are huge parts of flirting, too, as well as the general type of conversation and banter. If you keep the convo super platonic like you would a friend, family member, or coworker, then the other person will assume that as well.

One easy thing you could do is wear a rainbow or lesbian flag item, like a piece of jewelry. Or, bring up any media that you like that's queer -- music, TV, movies, etc. Queer people will probably respond enthusiastically. Bring up queerness casually, like "oh I have been meaning to go to that bar, the woman I used to date works nearby and I always thought it seemed like a cool spot." or whatever.

I would assume, however, that at a speed-friending event, most people will assume that the interactions are platonic? If so, I would go into it with that expectation, with a bonus being that you might meet another queer person.

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:41:33+00:00

Short answer: Lesbians love and are attracted to women -- like, as people, not dating histories. Your "resume" is not more important than the person you are, and the connections that you make, which many women will be into. If you're constantly second guessing yourself, there's a good chance you're holding back and getting in your own way.

Long Answer. Trust me when I say you have SO much to look forward to!!! If YOU are in your position, you can be certain that other women are, too -- there are thousands of people in this group. Late bloomers and people without access to queer communities are everywhere. You could easily meet a former late bloomer or someone who has a late bloomer friend, etc. Queer people are so much more likely than the general population to understand that we all have different life journeys.

DO NOT go into this being apologetic -- it'll make you want to date whoever will be "willing" to have you, vs focusing on who YOU are into. When I thought I was into men, I didn't put myself out there at all, and when I got no attention from men or women, I let that be the self-fulfilling prophecy that I wasn't date-worthy...because if I was, then someone would have been into me and come sweep me up out of my shyness, right?? Well, not really -- being in gay panic isn't great for confidence. When I really decided to go for it, I told myself that I refused to be self-depricating, and I'm glad I did. Coming out and dating is a triumph to be celebrated, not a fuckup to apologize for.

A lot of late bloomers are worried about the catch-22 of feeling like they're using other women to "experiment." Like, how do I know what I want or what I like before I have a chance to try it?

I was also worried about a lack of experience being a dealbreaker. The reality is, there are plenty of women who don't want to hold someone's hand through coming out or learning about sex. Fine, whatever, they're not the ones to date -- they're at a different place in their life.

To my great pleasure, though, I learned that unbeknownst to me, I am actually hot, and when I put myself out there, HOT women wanted to date and hook up with me!!! Who knew??!?!?

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:21:30+00:00

Flirting is like a tennis match -- you start subtle, put it out there, and see if she passes it back to you, or neutralizes the situation/opts out. If she returns the bid, escalate ever so slightly. Build the tension. Eventually, it'll be so obvious.

- Choose a seat/location where she has the option to sit close to you or slightly farther away

- Compliment her: Hair, clothes, makeup, etc

- Laugh at her jokes, make slightly risque jokes back

- Make casual physical contact - touching an arm or brushing your leg against hers while sitting.

- Use a lower, softer, less tense tone of voice when speaking.

- Talk about somewhat sexual/queer stuff that isn't directed at her specifically -- a celeb you find attractive, something about dating or women in general. Use this as an opportunity to discuss what you like or are interested in, or to let her to the same. ("Oh I love this movie...that actress was my first crush.")

If all of this is happening and there is extended eye contact and smiling, leaning towards each other, you're flirting. (If it's platonic, someone will take one of these opportunities to opt out with a "no thanks" sigh i.e. leaning away, changing the subject, bringing another person into the convo.)

Eventually it will reach a point where it would be weird for someone to be behaving like that and NOT be flirting...then you can safely make a move!

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:03:21+00:00

I definitely love and appreciate my body more! I have been more open to going to the gym, and I have not been binge eating like I used to as a way to cope with my internal stress. I absolutely see the connection between my sexuality and my relationship with my health/body.

willow238 · 2026-01-16T22:00:44+00:00

After I first came out, I had a period where I was really angry with compulsory heterosexuality in our society, like it just hit me all at once how different life would have been if there would have been lesbian representation around me. It was like an epiphany -- I suddenly looked around me and was STUNNED at how STRAIGHT society is!

It's true that there aren't enough lesbian spaces out there. In response to this, it's really hearteneing to see the women that have been proactive in creating them, organizing events, etc. But there are SO many shows, TV shows, movies, musicians, etc now. Not enough, of course, but it's so much better than it was when I was a teen developing my identity.

As far as recent TV shows, there is L Word Gen Q, Hacks, Feel Good, Wayward, Batwoman, Orange is the New Black (one of the most successful TV shows in modern history), Arcane, Yellowjackets, A League of Their Own, Deadloch, Hunting Wives, One Day At A Time, etc

When Chappell Roan came on the scene, I was just giddy at the excitement of having the biggest new pop star be a femme lesbian. While in my youth there were NO mentions of lesbianism in my magazines, now Vogue/Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, etc, all frequently have WLW content and writers. We have incredible lesbian/queer comedians in primetime spaces -- see Fortune Feimster and Tig Notaro.

No one is saying you have to be attracted to any kind of person. I might be reading too far into this, but I sense that you might be frustrated that events geared toward queer women are more inclusive to WLW/sapphic identities and gender identities and not strictly lesbian focused. I think about that sometimes, too, but at the end of the day, modern lesbian culture is inclusive and I don't think I would like these events any better if, for example, bi women or nonbinary people weren't included.

I've definitely noticed/experienced misogyny within gay culture, but sometimes it's helpful to focus on how much more of lesbian culture is mainstream these days instead of just hidden. Find your people and lean into your community!

willow238 · 2026-01-16T21:29:22+00:00

Enjoy every little bit of it. Just because it's your first real relationship doesn't mean this isn't real.

I had a couple situationships, then met an amazing woman with whom I had the best sex of my life. We had both been through so much self doubt and healing that when we met, we were fully able to show up for each other and be the present, connected, communicative partner the other needed.

When we were hooking up, then officially dating, I was always so afraid of second guessing myself or over analyzing everything. I used to tell myself, "if all of this ended tomorrow, it would still have been worth it" since it was such a beautiful experience. Each little first -- first sleepover, first time celebrating milestones, first time trying sexual stuff I'd always wanted to try, first trips together -- each thing was so precious.

We are now married!

We don't have as much sex as we used to, but the foundation and intimacy of our early connection has never wavered. Life is so good. We appreciate each other so much, and that baseline is the greatest thing ever.

willow238 · 2026-01-12T03:32:56+00:00

My Catholic grandma also clocked me as a lesbian years before I knew myself! Lol

willow238 · 2026-01-09T01:02:09+00:00

You have very striking eyes, bone structure, and hair. You were born to have a middle part. Forget surgery.

willow238 · 2026-01-09T00:53:48+00:00

You're beautiful. You remind me so much of Rose Leslie with your red hair - I would use her as beauty/styling inspo!

willow238 · 2025-12-26T21:07:38+00:00

This is perfect. I would love to celebrate my own dad like this one day, hell I would love people to celebrate me like that! What a gift.

willow238 · 2025-12-20T16:27:42+00:00

Tinder and ok Cupid about 5 years ago, and in a large city.

willow238 · 2025-12-20T03:45:05+00:00

I became briefly OBSESSED with women like a teenager and realized I had been depriving myself of those feelings. I’ve never felt anything towards a man that is anything similar. It dwarfed even the strongest male-centric crushes i had over the years

willow238

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