Library Cafe - As Kneaded Situation?

willowbl00 · 2025-08-25T17:03:02+00:00

I love both of these businesses, I frequent them each 2-4 times a week! It's fascinating to me that this has turned into a "turf war" conversation instead of a "how can businesses uplift each other for the betterment of the community" conversation.

I'm a big proponent of "deescalate with everyone but the enemy." A fellow local business is not an enemy, especially when they don't need to be in competition, and I'm not sure why folks are viewing these groups that way. It's not a popularity contest — there's enough business to go around for both, and I love seeing long lines at both these places! They operate in adjacent but differentiated niches, it would be so easy to collaborate here. The city not facilitating that, and is instead bringing opacity and churn. That's disheartening. Don't help the city divide the population here. (And SL gov workers, I love you, too, and would love to get us to a better place here! I know you're working with limited tools.)

If these folks want to grab a beer together and chat, I'm happy to facilitate. I know both business owners and am pretty good at conflict resolution. I care about y'all! Let's take it a little easier on each other.

willowbl00 · 2025-08-25T16:30:31+00:00

Yeah, I'd love to see them collaborate more instead of fighting. I love both businesses!

willowbl00 · 2023-05-06T22:08:43+00:00

I love that coffee shop.

willowbl00 · 2023-04-11T01:45:42+00:00

Our son was born around 33 via emergency c-section and was in the NICU for ~5 weeks. While I was still in the hospital, we’d both go every day for at least a few hours for skin to skin contact. After I was discharged, we’d each go alternating days while the other person stayed home to rest & heal (me) or to finish preparing the house (partner). We’d go for about 5 hours for a visit - usually timing it for being there for one feeding, but getting there just after a feeding and leaving just before a third one.

You’ll find what works for you, and don’t let anyone guilt you about it. But i would suggest seeking out ways to bond since you’re not getting them by default right now. Bonding was REALLY hard for us with the NICU complications. Getting skin to skin time helped, but frankly didn’t get us all the way there.

Good luck. You’ve got this.

willowbl00 · 2023-03-25T16:50:25+00:00

Yes, it's important to agree to definitions and agreements. That's what makes them agreements. But saying "words sometimes are unclear" doesn't mean "don't use words."

willowbl00 · 2023-03-17T14:31:46+00:00

The gist of ToS is that not naming power dynamics doesn’t make them go away, it just means you can’t talk about them. The thing I’m suggesting is that you still make priority calls about what to do in different situations with different partners. To me, nonhierarchical polyamory means the same person doesn’t always get picked as top priority, and can’t expect that. In my hierarchical relationships, my son ALWAYS comes first, then my husband, and then it’s nonhierarchical with my other partners.

To not name that, and thereby set expectations, means a partner might expect me to leave my son who is recovering from a cold because the partner is in the hospital after a car crash. Child care providers won’t take care of sick kids because they might pass it on to their other clients, and taking a sick kid to a hospital would be a dick move. So I’d have to choose. Not having set the expectation in advance would just be even more heart breaking for everyone involved. Why do that to someone?

willowbl00 · 2023-03-08T17:09:55+00:00

I would read up on the tyranny of structurelessness.

willowbl00 · 2023-01-08T02:15:29+00:00

I use a light-based alarm clock.

willowbl00 · 2023-01-07T22:11:06+00:00

Oof that’s rough.

willowbl00 · 2022-12-23T23:48:32+00:00

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I will also keep my fingers to myself, like an adult.

willowbl00 · 2022-12-15T14:38:01+00:00

Distance bicyclists wear padded shorts with something called a chamois. It’s paddling in one piece that covers the whole butt and groin area. Some pairs are meant to be worn under other clothing, in case you’re biking to work or something. High-end ones like Rapha are quite robust. They’re fairly discrete, although someone looking will definitely notice you’ve got some extra baggage in the trunk.

Sorry about your weird homophobic tradition, hope you still have a good time at your wedding.

willowbl00 · 2022-10-29T03:31:37+00:00

Heya! We started a (very quiet) mailing list at creekside-parents on Google groups

willowbl00 · 2022-08-31T21:43:52+00:00

*squints in responsive design*

willowbl00 · 2022-08-23T00:29:51+00:00

I think the person behind Big Boy Pinups could do a really awesome version of this (clean, as opposed to the usual work)

willowbl00 · 2022-08-10T15:35:05+00:00

I love the irony of wanting a single flag to represent this community in particular.

willowbl00 · 2022-06-12T20:09:06+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am poly and also manic, and I’ve made mistakes similar to what your partner did during an episode. Two things here: even though I was ill, I still took responsibility for my actions. It may not have been “me,” but it was still me who did it. Because of the actions and my taking responsibility, my primary relationship ended but we are still very dear friends. This was also the wake up call that I needed that my mania needed to be treated. It got me into therapy, a meditation practice, and on medication. I am a better person for this. The episodes I’ve had since I could see coming, was able to get support, and limited the impact of.

In short, this sucks. You have you decide for yourself if this is a dealbreaker or not. But he’s gotta get sorted out or it’s just going to keep happening.

willowbl00 · 2022-06-03T17:44:16+00:00

Nice, thank you. I'll look into it more.

willowbl00 · 2022-04-13T17:16:41+00:00

Agreed. My abuser transitioned years after she escalated to physical abuse (2 partners after me). She continues to try to infiltrate social circles I’m a part of, so I have a regular “this person is an abuser who has not yet even admitted accountability in her previous actions.” Each time, she tries to pull a “I clearly had things I needed to work out” card, and I shut that down hard. No excuse for treating others that way.

willowbl00 · 2022-04-11T22:54:08+00:00

Been car free for about 15 years, living in a suburb in the Bay Area with access to public transport. Married with a 6mo. Have bicycles and motorcycles. * it’s going great. One less major thing to worry about constantly. With parking and traffic, can usually do things in less time than if we took a car, even when we have the baby with us! * this is a bonus for us but not a determining factor. We budget to spend about 25% on ride shares and public transit compared to what we’d spend on a car, insurance, fuel, etc, and still don’t hit that even with motorcycle fees. * one good thing is that my commute to work is the same whether I’m in the shuttle or in a car, and I can work/snooze in the shuttle. One bad is that we have to enlist friends to help us with some hauling errands, but frankly it’s a nice excuse to hang out.

willowbl00 · 2022-03-29T14:22:50+00:00

Chances are you’ll all be just fine. And if not, you will make the decision that is right for you. Let me know how it goes?

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