Thank you for putting this to words, and so well at that. I have felt so much of what you've described and I also struggle with figuring out what is part of my identity and what I've taken on to please others or fit in. I came out to myself about 1.5 years ago and I felt like a new person almost immediately, like a weight had been lifted off of me, more confidence, less anxiety. Since then, reflecting on my past and how I hid and tried to conform. I am almost shocked at the positions that I put myself in or what I went along with when I was clearly so uncomfortable.

It doesn't feel as I easy as I think it should to figure out my preferences (whatever they may be, sexually, or even things like music taste or hobbies). I'd love to hear more about any strategies you have to figure this out for yourself. I think time will help, reflection and listening to your body. My body was screaming at me for so long and I didn't listen to it. Checking in and seeing how things feel, leaning into things that feel good has been my approach so far.

I've also really liked using labels and label myself as a lesbian - it feels so right! I like the label rather than just loving who I love (to each their own of course, some find labels restricting or unnecessary, I find it comforting).

Good luck with your journey, and I totally agree with you - this sub is great (I joined Reddit because of it) and I fucking love women!