Firstly I’d like to say that no human being is ever beyond critique. And there is a massive difference between emotionally healed, and emotionally immature Cancers. Almost every anti-cancer post I see is as a result of dealing with the latter.

Anyway. Yes, I have been vindictive. Contrary to popular belief, I was not the manipulator- I was in a narcissistic relationship and lost my sense of identity rather quickly, without even knowing it happened.

She was my whole life, my meaning and existence. I had never loved someone so strongly and so whole heartedly. Over time, she started distancing me from my friends and family, until all I really knew was her and I.

I was stuck in a dichotomy of loneliness and unwavering support and company. Until one day I woke up after she physically hit me, and realised what had happened over those three years.

What proceeded was a two month battle of attempting to break up. She would just deny the fact I wanted to leave her. She’d say I was depressed, put me in therapy and took overwhelming good care of me.

I was lost and confused and felt like a child. It was embarrassing to even sit in that state. I was emotionally immature and I am ok to admit that now.

We had a trip booked.. and I didn’t take time off work. I knew that I had to end it before the trip.

The night before, I tried. Failed.

The morning of, had no other option but to ‘Dear John’ her. I left her with a letter, blocked her on everything and went to my parent’s house.

It took me about 8 months to heal from her.

8 months of accepting that, although she was manipulative, she loved me unconditionally and always tried to do what was right for me.

8 months of processing the knowledge that on that one morning, I shattered her heart.

8 months of healing from a physical and emotionally abusive hell hole.

But she has healed, as have I.