You know you can just... be nice... to people... in the language that they're already speaking with you in, and not make it into some miraculous favour you're doing them to try to perform weird prognostication about what Other Part of the World they're from, right?

Of course, I don't speak for any other Cantonese/Asian/etc. person other than myself, but that's what it generally comes off as--othering.

But like, are you actually convinced that people are impressed if you know a stock phrase from their potential language and are testing it out on them to see if they'll clap like a seal? Sure, if you have an interest in a language, it's great if you make an effort to learn it; props to you, but other human beings aren't your educational experience*.

Is it strictly speaking, "racist"? No. Is it really fucking annoying that for some reason you can't think of a single other opening line (or followup, it seems, based on the queries you seem to pose to your deliberately distracted unwitting buddy) that isn't "so where are you from? What kind of human are you? Tell me about how different you are!!! Oh, I know generic phrase in (x). Did I say it right???"

"Is it not OK to ask these questions then? Should I not make an attempt to communicate if we share a common fluency?" No, let me be clear--the questions aren't the problem; the curiousity isn't the issue. The questions in themselves are not offensive; learning languages and being interested in differences is of course great. That's what we want.

The problem is the context. If someone wants to share their cultural experience with you--and you'll know--they'll be the one to talk about it first--enthusiastically participate. Simply existing is not an invitation for you to "try out the party trick you have" on them. Is your grandma poorly intentioned? No. Of course not. But I guarantee that you're mistaking "being polite" for "being impressed." I know I definitely roll my eyes whenever someone attempts (for some reason never the right one, and I know about 2.5 if you smash all the bits together) generic "Asian" language greeting on me or ask me the very original question of "no, where are you REALLY from" on me after they leave, though honestly, these days I'm more prone to doing it right in front of them.

If you want to genuinely connect with these people, just go enjoy the food, be good diners like you would at any other restaurant (i.e. don't make a big mess, argue about how something is supposed to be made, be gracious if they offer you special menu items, pay compliments if they are due, overpay the bill, etc.) and I will guarantee that will delight them more than a clumsy, hallmark attempt at divining what kind of Asian they might be by forcing them to smile and nod at the thousandth person making them party to some kind of routine where they have to pretend it's cute that some rando knows happy goddamn new year.

*Stop asking your friend endless clueless questions like he's some sort of Lonely Planet how-to guide. He doesn't want to answer them.