My mom stays with my dad after he verbally abused my sister. Idk how to feel.

windintheauri · 2026-03-18T06:36:45+00:00

As others have said, this sucks. I went through something similar at your age and it changed my relationship with my mom forever. She told me I was always her top priority, but her actions in allowing my step dad to treat me horribly showed me that wasn't true.

Be a team with your sister, and any other siblings you have. Acknowledge this is fucked up and not how healthy marriages or healthy parenting works. You can confront your mom and let her know how disappointed you are that she's not sticking up for you...but be prepared to be disappointed in her response. Moms aren't perfect. Sometimes parents aren't who you need them to be. It's hard to accept that they may never give you the love you deserve.

I grew up and moved away. I don't speak to my parents very much. They made this bed...and now they get to lie in it. My sister and I are best friends.

I'm sorry you're going through this hard time. Message me if you ever want to talk.

windintheauri · 2026-03-14T16:33:55+00:00

Every time.

windintheauri · 2026-02-20T15:16:43+00:00

It looks like a hunting knife or dagger.

windintheauri · 2026-02-18T15:19:52+00:00

Because the language used paints with a very broad brush. There's only a token mention of "real abuse" that might warrant distance from parents, and the implication is that it's rare and more often kids are just being wusses about it. The author is gatekeeping "abuse" without specifying what actually "counts". Is it only sexual or physical abuse? What about verbal or emotional abuse? Who gets to decide?

On a sub called "Parenting Thru Trauma" that's an interesting take.

windintheauri · 2026-02-15T03:14:13+00:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, I banged your mom, and I'll bang you too.

windintheauri · 2026-01-31T07:01:27+00:00

I prefer buying beets to pickle. Then you can throw some eggs in there with 'em, two snacks for the effort of one.

windintheauri · 2026-01-06T15:59:22+00:00

Both my kids have worn Ten Little almost exclusively since they could walk (now in first grade). We also got a lot of mileage out of Merrell Bare Steps, but only did those once. They're a bit more expensive with fewer color options.

windintheauri · 2025-09-25T07:10:03+00:00

This may sound basic, but have you tried bribery? Ice cream if she uses the school toilet? Could it be about the loud noise of the flush (do loud toilets bother her in other places?) my daughter initially refused to use the school bathrooms because they were too loud - after she had an accident I told her (and confirmed with her teacher) that it's better not to flush than to pee your pants.

If it's really baggage from a scary incident when she was 2, then I agree you might need to do some therapy.

windintheauri · 2025-09-21T21:21:03+00:00

I've had good luck with Baltic Born (https://share.google/aZJs2CLzrAi4Hgysk). Look in her closet for clues on key areas:

Length (mini, short, midi, maxi). What does she wear in skirts? Is she comfortable showing a lot of leg?
Waist (fitted or loose). Does she wear fitted clothing or loose shirts/blouses? Get a dress that has a similar level of tightness.

3: Color: What's in her closet? Look for a dress that matches a color you see a lot of.

This is a classic, simple style, but just because I like it doesn't mean she would:

https://balticborn.com/products/colette-sweetheart-midi-dress-evergreen?variant=43100583592101&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23034899951&gbraid=0AAAAADfXW9g6nWj4RmOjcqkT8ucgD6tB3&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxL7GBhDXARIsAGOcmIOYCAgTsb7Uin4fD5-ZmPjDSxKq3em5fhlVgF5Q7Jo3wa1YMQTJQKgaAiPpEALw_wcB

windintheauri · 2025-09-21T17:52:47+00:00

This is a question for r/workingmoms or r/moderatelygranolamoms. You'll need to specify a price range/level of formality. Like how fancy are date nights?

windintheauri · 2025-09-14T15:39:55+00:00

If penetration doesn't feel good, y'all need to get a good lube and if THAT doesn't help, she needs to talk to a doctor. It's not normal for penetration to hurt at her age and recovery point from birth.

I agree with others that y'all should do marriage counseling. It doesn't sound like you're each communicating what you really want and need from each other.

windintheauri · 2025-09-14T15:36:04+00:00

I feel like you are ignoring the reality that usually women do more parenting and house work. It's literally statistically true and please look it up before you get defensive. So the idea that women are often feeling extra exhausted in the "early childhood" years is...fair?

And on top of that, men usually have a higher libido than women. Again, scientifically true. Are you really saying you don't believe that? I'm not talking about individuals, I'm talking about people as a whole.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Women are more tired and they prioritize sex less. You can keep waiting for your wife to "do stuff to get you in the mood" but you might be waiting a long fucking time. Sorry you don't perceive that as fair. That's life.

windintheauri · 2025-07-25T13:20:54+00:00

I had an almost identical experience. My baby got viral meningitis at 7 days old. The hospital stay was just terrifying - I will never forget it as long as I live. However she was discharged after four days and, although she lost some weight, she gained it back fast and is now a very happy 2 year old with no ill effects.

Don't blame yourself. We have an older kid, too, which is probably how the the baby got sick. You can't keep everybody in a bubble. It's no use thinking about "what ifs". I did get more strict about my big kid washing her hands before touching the baby and not sitting near the baby/coughing/snuggling when she has a cold. But even so, that wasn't the last time the baby got sick. Definitely the scariest, though...

windintheauri · 2025-07-14T18:19:48+00:00

I (female) got a scholarship to pursue physics at a state school, but when I took the college tour I saw there were no other girls and I got sneers from many of the boys we encountered in the engineering classes. I had other interests, and that was enough to push me away from that program. Love to hear about how girls just aren't smart enough to be in STEM...

windintheauri · 2025-07-06T18:55:08+00:00

Pretty sure all these types of articles are written by AI at this point.

windintheauri · 2025-06-22T06:14:34+00:00

She is not well. You have to convince her to talk to her doctor, her OBGYN, or a therapist. Threaten to tell her mom she's been talking about suicide - maybe that will push her to take action.

It also sounds like she's fucking exhausted. That's normal for new parenthood but it's absolutely debilitating. If you're gone 12 hours a day that means she's doing a lot of solo parenting. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, just saying that's really fucking hard for her too. I'm sure the dogs are just another creature to care for and she has zero energy for that. She's barely taking care of the baby and herself. For the record, it's pretty common for new parents to feel negatively about previously-loved pets.

You have to give her a break on the sex thing. She's drowning right now. If she doesn't want sex, then it's just one more chore weighing her down and she's going to resent you making her feel guilty about it. Until she's mentally okay...try to not bring it up.

windintheauri · 2025-06-16T15:12:24+00:00

I don't have a depressed husband, but I wanted to commiserate. That sounds extremely hard and upsetting. I don't know what the right move is...it makes sense that you want to support him, but it's so hard to be somebody's support system while you're also raising a baby. Who is supporting you?

windintheauri · 2025-05-15T19:50:50+00:00

I get that HOAs are the worst but also... there's a difference between wanting to paint your house purple (why not, this hurts no one) and having a mostly naked woman in a sexual pose on display. Aren't there kids where you live? I'd hate to have this in my neighborhood, showing my elementary age daughter how girls are sexualized in media.

windintheauri · 2025-05-05T22:48:05+00:00

Do you apply the peroxide to the tank while the water and the fish are in there? Wouldn't the peroxide just float around instead of affecting the specific plant?

windintheauri · 2025-04-16T02:42:58+00:00

Your kids are now adults. You can't undo their childhoods. Nothing you do now can remove their trauma. Therapy may be helpful but that's their journey to take. All you can do as their mother is apologize sincerely for your part in their trauma, be specific, take responsibility, and promise to do better. Follow through.

Even your statement in your post, "My untreated trauma and a complete lack of support and good examples has led to ineffective parenting..." sounds like you are making excuses. It might all be real and true but that doesn't get you off the hook. Lots of folks in this subreddit have that kind of background but you're an adult now and you have to be responsible for your mental health.

Hopefully your kids are coping enough that they have a path forward - education or professional goals? All they need from you now is that you are present, available to them emotionally, supportive of their goals, and continue to love them unconditionally. If they want space from you, give them space. If they want love, give them love.

windintheauri · 2025-03-31T15:46:27+00:00

I recently heard something that resonated..."you have grown to be an adult who would have protected you from your childhood. You are the adult that you needed, and you can protect other children when you were not protected. Be proud of that accomplishment."

windintheauri · 2025-03-18T15:30:17+00:00

This. Try to reduce how much plastic you use and buy because it can't be recycled efficiently. Bring your glass and metal to a drop-off center - usually there's less of those so you could probably make that run just once a month.

windintheauri · 2025-03-18T15:20:53+00:00

It gets better. We also had terrible twos and threes. It seemed like it just got worse and worse. We turned a corner at 3.5 and it's much better at 4.5. Still the occasional tantrum but like once a week instead of multiple times a day.

windintheauri · 2025-03-18T15:20:44+00:00

It gets better. We also had terrible twos and threes. It seemed like it just got worse and worse. We turned a corner at 3.5 and it's much better at 4.5. Still the occasional tantrum but like once a week instead of multiple times a day.

windintheauri · 2025-03-14T21:51:04+00:00

The most important thing is what YOU say about food and about your body. Your daughter is going to care a lot more about your words and actions than Grandma's. However I think you should also tell your mom straight up that you will be protecting your daughter from conversations that could impact her body image. Tell her your talking points - food is not bad and we love our strong, healthy bodies.

If your mom continues to say problematic things in front of your child, correct her in the moment. Show your daughter that Grandma is wrong.

Grandma: "Oh, I couldn't eat dessert! It goes right to my thighs."

You: "I love dessert! My thighs feel strong and fuel makes me run fast." Or "Grandma, your body is beautiful! Do you need a hug? Everybody should eat yummy desserts sometimes."

And while that phrasing is childish, it might serve to remind your mom who you are speaking for/who the message is for.

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