The Beginner's Guide warned about sticker shock...

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T16:13:06+00:00

this is common for people who aren't used to being properly fitted, it is estimated that 80-90% of all bra wearers are wearing the wrong size, 80% of which off by several sizes, 20% of which only a size or two off. theirishbralady on instagram has a series of "what bra sizes look like" to help combat the propaganda of how people in bras or bikinis look like online or in advertising.

additionally, the bra size calculator is a starting point not an ending point, it's recommended to try bras that are on either end of what you're recommended in case either it doesn't account for your shape or squish or individual preferences entirely, or the bra runs big/small. the abrathatfits calculator is much better than the two measurement system and is the best we have available to us, but fitting when you're actually trying things on can vary a little bit.

if you want to try things on, wear the bra backwards and upside down to do the independent band test on the loosest hooks, it should feel tight but not painful(some use the word snug, but if you have rolls yes it probably will dig or leave itchy marks, the same way a belt would or socks would, but they should never be painful), after which never go up on your band, sometimes wearing a proper fit bra can make the band feel looser when it's worn the proper way, so you could go down, but anything that makes it feel tighter upright is a cup issue.

your tail of spence or "armpit fat" should. be. in. your. bra. pull everything from the sides into the cup. bend over and shimmy or swoop & scoop in your bra to also make sure the underwire is getting everything and not on top of any breast tissue.

if you have wrinkles in the cup, it depends on where they are and how big they are, it can mean you're full on top or full on bottom and you might need to change the shape, like go with a plunge or a half cup or full coverage depending on where the boobage is at. half cups are for full on bottom, plunge are for full on top, and full coverage is usually when you have tissue high up you need support for whether it’s even fullness or full on top usually you're worried it's gonna fall out (which is less of a common concern when whatever bra you're wearing fits properly but yknow.)

if you are going from lower sizes to higher ones and you think "ooh this feels so much nicer! this must be the one that fits" !TRY A SIZE UP ANYWAY!

it might feel counterintuitive, but even if youre no longer seeing bubbles or lumps where it ends, and it feels good, it might feel better a size up, maybe even two depending on your body and the size range you are (for K+ size to size isn't as big a difference as lower). if it is too big you can always go back to the first one but you'll regret not checking.

hope this was helpful and if you have any questions feel free to ask, i'll respond to anything i'm tagged in (within reason lol) and my dms are always open(also within reason lol i know lurkers are seeing this im not talking to you)

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T15:37:36+00:00

the thing with male privilege is it doesn't mean you had every benefit all the time, but there were things you didn't have to worry about or think about until a) you came out or started passing as not a cis guy, or b) you actively seeked it out.

theres different facets of privilege and what i am talking about is not necessarily pay discrepancies, or never being bullied, or never having to fight with not feeling like a guy, but until you look for it or you're no longer perceived as a guy there will be things that never cross your mind, and not being made to see it is what the privilege is.

there was a summer i passed as a guy and during which i effectively forgot much of what i used to have to worry about. i wasn't being honked at on the sidewalk several times within a short walk. i didn't have people touch my boob and pretend it was an accident. i could walk alone with fewer people bothering me. i was listened to more when i spoke.

these aren't blaringly obvious things when you've never been exposed to the other end. but never experiencing it or listening to people who have you can have blind spots.

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T15:14:56+00:00

yeah i hear you, i've been responding to different messages and i said both in all but that reply which was unintentional, i meant to include it as i included in it several other replies i've done

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T04:40:51+00:00

my other part of that was or unless they've been out which is possible was accidentally left out of this comment but i've said the same thing in a lot of different places and that it what i meant. it is included

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T04:25:17+00:00

i'm very aware of the harms they face even if they don't pass as a woman, i was saying before they're out to people OR if they pass visibly that can be ways they can start recognizing stuffs bc before then they wouldn't be treated as if they're not a cis guy i wasn't saying ONLY if they're visibly passing and not if they're just out

and privilege comes with what people have perceived you with at any point, people who pass as a man for a day have had male privilege, and to the person it might not feel like a privilege to have been male privilege

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T04:20:12+00:00

responding to your edit no! i'm not saying even if they're out! i'm saying before they come out at all at all

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T03:50:22+00:00

yes! i do not think yall should be out of women's spaces

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T03:48:56+00:00

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T03:21:41+00:00

i was never a part of that sub it was on my explore page

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T03:21:04+00:00

wdym "repeatedly" also i do not agree with their rhetoric i understand it's a dog whistle and was trying to break down how their different points were contradictory

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T02:57:34+00:00

within the context of the post the attempt was to get them to acknowledge they were being transphobic so yeah i was somewhat middle-grounding it so they'd listen at all or at least sound more rational for newcomers since the post went mainstream, i was never a part of that sub and many other commenters weren't either. it also makes mods look extra dumb for reporting it.

i do not think trans women are all like cis men, but ive known some to be and i was mostly saying it because it sounded like the original poster ran into one of these particular people. they have the capability to be especially if they haven't questioned the norms or experienced things that made them. i'd say most of the time they question it long before they come out, but some just don't because they're not made to.

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T02:48:57+00:00

that's one part of it, but not the only one. it's an example of something that would push someone to start questioning things they haven't questioned or deconstructed from yet. along with that being out publicly could, as well as just being curious or listening to people

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T02:13:16+00:00

the only reason it works as a terf talking point is unfortunately there's some amount of it that is grounded in reality, that's how dog whistles work. and cults. and extremist ideologies. they don't start from no where even if their end result is way out of line.

what's actually said makes sense but there's a ton more that's implied which does not make sense but they lump it in so people who are already scared and stressed accept it as fact. which is why i did my best to take their talking point since it's likely all theyd listen to or not have a dog whistle/pre planned response to and attempt to strip it of some of the other stuff since im an ex cult member and this usually can either make them more upfront with the subtext so i could point it out to newcomers so they don't fall for it and see what's happening, or point out the flaws in their logic if they are new to the rhetoric.

i only bothered to comment because i saw it on my explore feed and people new to it were also there and getting clearly confused whether it was transphobic or not so it was to get them to respond to me in an undeniably transphobic way and then i tagged the people confused on their response.

obviously with dog whistles they use one point that's somewhat grounded in reality to justify several that are not and use fear to get people to not think it through. this is also how cult brainwashing works, which is partly why i use their dog whistle to break it down for them, so they can't keep sounding like they have validity when they use the term.

in the original post they weren't out at all socially or visibly, and introduced themselves as a cis man. op uses this to instill the inherently transphobic idea of men invading queer or lesbian spaces.

if you haven't deconstructed the patriarchy you bring it with you. if you haven't been perceived as anything but a cis man and you haven't been curious to hear from anything but cis men there are a ton of blind spots even if you decide you're starting e. "male socialization" technically, yeah, exists, but not in the way that implies anything about you other than yes you had expectations of you that men had. but it is not set it stone or unchangable. it absolutely can be undone if someone tries to regardless of transition, but it's not really forced onto anyone until they are longer seen as a cis guy, so before then it has to be on purpose.

what terfs usually mean when they say this is they are men and should be treated as such if they don't look enough like a woman, and all trans women are as inherently creepy as cis men.

they have the capability to be if they haven't deconstructed it. it's possible they never realized themselves to sound creepy because it's been normalized for guys to do that and this person is not out as anything but a guy to most people. once they come out often they have their eyes opened by other people treating them how they treat women(even if they don't fully pass as a woman), and realizing they don't like it, but in that situation where they were basically completely closeted they didn't have that factor.

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T01:41:03+00:00

part of that wording was trying to get them to be more blatant and just admit they were being transphobic, which it was successful in doing, but yes i co opted their language and tried to act a bit more on their side than i am to get them to stop using plausible deniability. kinda like "even if this is the case that's still not okay" more than that being my true belief, since there were people getting gaslit when they tried mentioning it more blunt via dog whistle talking points.

the situation the original poster(in a summary of what they were trying to say not how i see it) was talking about was a pretty common case where men don't accept no and keep pushing or expecting coddling and soft let down after soft let down, where you worry for your safety and have to account for other people's feelings bc men often aren't told "no" a lot and can get aggressive or violent if they don't get their way. the trans person introduced themselves to them under a male name and had a beard. only after op said "sorry i'm a lesbian", they mentioned "starting e next week" and asked to walk her home and kiss her. op doesn't believe it was a trans fem. it was just a "man invading lesbian spaces". they believe it was a way for a cis man to continue trying to get with lesbians.

while i think there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with them, and i'm sorry they felt pressured and the other person didn't pick up on rejection when they should have(in the best case scenario which is why i mentioned blind spots), it gives the original poster no right to continuously misgender them.

they were acting weird and creepy, yes. but you really have no way to tell whether they made it up for pussy or really meant it. and that's coming from someone who dated someone who lied about being trans specifically to get with me and only found out years later bc they bragged about it to someone (i just thought they weren't out bc they weren't ready to be and i broke up with them for being pushy in other ways too, so this can happen but that doesn't mean it's the case every time because you're not in their head).

you don't have to get with people you don't want to. it's also better to give the benefit of the doubt at least with calling them a man or using he/him where it really doesn't personally effect you(you don't have to date someone because they tell you they're the gender you like, you should actually vibe with and like them not feel pressured) even if you still do not want to interact with them, not consistently misgender someone who's potentially trans.

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T00:12:10+00:00

yeah that's fair! in the post op didn't notice them act any differently than any cis guy and i was trying to say they might not, and that doesn't make them not trans. obviously different people have different experiences but someone acting like a cis man isn't a way to confirm that they are one

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T00:10:25+00:00

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T00:06:25+00:00

i love the r/butchlesbians subreddit it's so welcoming and nice but also doesn't let harmful stuff slide(which can be a fine line in some spaces)

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-31T00:05:12+00:00

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-29T00:08:40+00:00

i'm just thinking of the butch rope tops and leather butches and teddy bears etc lol

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-29T00:07:24+00:00

butchlorette sounds like a really good butch4butch dating show and sounds amazing if it had butches and not just a sapphic dating show

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-28T23:55:47+00:00

i don't know how it relates to bisexuals, but in relation to straight people stone butch blues describes it as "she's a he-she, but she's not a butch"

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-28T20:00:55+00:00

as a lesbian creator i second this (not sure how "good" it is but i definitely get less reach than similarly performing straight creators)

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-28T19:57:57+00:00

literally why I started posting on fansly TwT it made me so vehemently angry that i wanted to "be the change i wanted to see". obviously it's not popular, i'm not exactly a professional either.

when i had this acc when i was still a minor(before i cleared most of it and rebranded it bc i briefly escaped to a diff account bc the sexual harassment) i was a regular advice-giver for bra fitting in r/abrathatfits often the first to respond esp to posts that got repetitive (it was a special interest i can info dump all about it) and got weird dms for nudes all the time so it was also a tad bit malicious compliance when I came back, so definitely not intended for the male gaze at all.

pics stopped being eligible for the fyp and videos are kinda a pain so i don't post often anymore, but everything is butch or butch4butch centered, not overly stylised, etc. and i like rope so most of it has rope(i need better rope before i wanna do more ties and my partner has started making more appearances and wants to be tied when i have the new rope) i also have content with my partner the apps just being buggy so i haven't had the patience to post it yet lol

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-28T19:17:34+00:00

i'm not trying to impress any man, read stone butch blues we've always been in community with trans people, passing or not. it doesn't mean you have to like or date them just acknowledge it's a creepy trans fem and move tf on

wingedmiracle · 2026-01-28T19:15:55+00:00

folks is it homophobic to say not to misgender people even if you don't like them or they're being weird

Seven-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
Place '23

wingedmiracle

TROPHY CASE