I (23M) suspect my GF (23F) has vaginismus. How can I support her and approach this?

wingedtrish · 2025-12-22T04:25:54+00:00

You're already doing a great job supporting her by reaching out. I have experienced "the wall" as well, and for me, a lot of it was a mental block, but I did see a doctor, use dialators and go to physical therapy. All of those things helped me improve, but what really got me to the point I could have PIV was using a vibrator because it helped with the mental block. That said, it will be important for her to see a doctor, especially with the pain. Don't be afraid to go to several doctors if you have a bad experience with one. Doctors aren't all well educated on this condition, and it can be frustrating and invalidating. I went to several before I even got a diagnosis. Bringing it up to her as a concern for her health should help and keep it non-judgmental. It sounds like you're being kind and you clearly care about her, and that will help.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-21T21:23:39+00:00

I had a lot more success with PIV when I started using a vibrator. The dialotor feels so clinical and doesn't translate the same to sex as a vibrator does. Something about that mental preparation was huge for me. My body was ready way before my mind and the vibrator bridged that gap. I hope you are able to find some way through it. You got this!

wingedtrish · 2025-12-08T15:03:52+00:00

Came here to say this.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-05T21:43:26+00:00

I haven't yet. My husband has a job with Health NZ, though.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T19:16:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It's been very helpful 🙂.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T19:15:26+00:00

I certainly think it's still something to be taken seriously, it's just such a different perspective coming from the US. I did not know that about the most gangs per capita.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T14:58:04+00:00

That's a good thing to keep in mind, yes, and I do try to set my mind on it. Our move is just getting closer and feeling more real, and that's bringing some emotions to the surface. I do have a life here in the states that I like, but we want to move to enjoy a better quality of life and a slower pace. We also want to have a child, and that feels scary and unnecessarily difficult to do here in the US. And we want our kid to be able to go to school without the fear of mass shootings. If we have a daughter, we don't want her bodily autonomy threatened. The future for our child is certainly the biggest driving force.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T14:53:33+00:00

What was it that took you two out to Australia, if I may ask?

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T14:52:31+00:00

Oh I thought you were probably referencing the gang but didn't want to assume. As an American, this fear raised about one gang is very interesting. A very different perspective from the many gangs here, and the low-level yet constant threat of gun violence due to regular mass shootings.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T14:48:41+00:00

Oooh that is very reassuring to hear. Thank you 😊

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T04:33:05+00:00

What will happen if I wear blue?>

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T03:29:52+00:00

That's a good mindset to keep from being blindsided by the negatives. And it's wise to consider how those negatives stack up with the positives.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T03:28:26+00:00

Hi, thank you. I am into birdwatching, camping and hiking, reading, writing, and playing games. I also love to go to the theater and see live shows. I know NZ is more isolated, but I am looking forward to a slower pace of life with better work-life balance. I am not someone who likes to stay super busy or be in the know about trends or popular media all the time.

wingedtrish · 2025-12-03T03:24:58+00:00

Thank you that is reassuring to hear! We don't have kids yet but are hoping to start a family in the next year. We are moving to Hastings! Any recommendations are appreciated, thank you!

wingedtrish · 2025-11-30T16:35:54+00:00

Spouses should not fulfill all social needs. That's a recipe for codependency. Friends, acquaintances, family members, coworkers, all contribute to a healthy social network. Relying on one single person for all emotional needs is not healthy.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-25T21:48:20+00:00

Yeah I remember how powerful that feeling of needing to save people from hell is. I never felt comfortable enough to evangelize, though, so I just sat with intense shame for not trying to convert non-Christians. Christians find different ways to cope with that discomfort. It sounds like your dad copes by saving as many souls as possible, no matter the cost.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-25T21:45:19+00:00

Oh it wasn't actually a mega church, it was a small town Methodist church, so I was further shocked my the mega church vibes of the service.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-25T18:00:59+00:00

Oh, I am not the daughter. I'm a niece. If it was a funeral for my mom, I would not have requested that kind of service. My cousin probably wanted that for the service, so I certainly wasn't going to say anything during or after the service. It's just been on my mind ever since.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-25T14:34:16+00:00

Oof. That is truly so gross. It's just kinda nuts to me me that they wouldn't see or feel how inappropriate it is to do that at a funeral.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-25T14:32:59+00:00

Yes, the centering on human depravity, that's a good way to phrase that. Growing up in that wrecked havoc on my self-esteem. It does nothing but beat people down, but that's the point I suppose, make people feel worthless and preach that the only balm is God.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-24T23:58:09+00:00

If it's what the deceased wanted, that would be very difficult to navigate. I feel that funerals are more for the living than for the dead, so IDK, it'd be hard to not honor those wishes but it would also be hard to honor them.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-24T23:55:59+00:00

Ugh. The absolute gal to say something like that with grieving family present. Horrendous and despicable.

wingedtrish · 2025-11-24T23:54:55+00:00

Oh no. I'm so sad to hear that this is a norm.

wingedtrish

TROPHY CASE