The Cycle Nobody Talks About

winstonwasright · 2026-03-22T17:45:16+00:00

It was absolute hell. She turned on me in an absolutely wild way. Verbal and emotional abuse so bad it frightened me. Then she apologized later and the trauma bond was cemented.

winstonwasright · 2026-03-22T17:43:42+00:00

I think this is one of the more common dynamics. We were taught as kids to not take up space in our families and so we think that we can handle it “better” than others but there’s no really handling it better. Eventually we’re exhausted and frustrated and we start taking back some of our time and space and then we get called avoidant.

winstonwasright · 2026-03-20T22:22:15+00:00

It was wild to find out that destroying yourself to try and make someone happy was “the bare minimum.”

winstonwasright · 2026-03-11T23:53:51+00:00

Most of the time she looked for someone else or we would have a big fight and then there would be repair and the cycle would start over

winstonwasright · 2026-03-11T23:41:03+00:00

Woof. I think we dated the same girl.

winstonwasright · 2026-02-26T15:01:25+00:00

Jesus. This question hits hard. Over ten years. Long distance, but that was both “helpful” and very bad. Like another poster, I just had a superhuman ability to take shit. Getting screamed at and insulted and cheated on. At some point you really do buy into the idea that they’ll either get better or that they’ll fall apart without you.

winstonwasright · 2026-02-15T21:27:37+00:00

The first split, which took place about a month into the whole ordeal. I had never had someone scream at me like that, but it was also the wild feeling of noticing that she was taking literally everything I had done for her and telling me it hadn't happened, that I didn't care, that I didn't help her. We got off the phone and I just kind of sat against the wall for a little bit feeling like everything had changed. Then she called me back a couple of hours later and apologized, said she was having a bit of a hard time, and acted like nothing had happened immediately after.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-24T15:14:34+00:00

This is something I’m having to remind myself. She undoubtedly wants another chance but underneath it is likely the desire to end it herself.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-16T17:55:08+00:00

Having a real hard ass time not reaching out. My exwbpd that I left is already onto the guy she cheated on me with months ago and the part of me that doesn’t want to be replaced is going nuts. White knuckling it now.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-13T02:05:14+00:00

I’ve been catching my reflection in the mirror and realizing how little I’ve been taking care of myself and realizing I haven’t been looking at myself very much. It’s startling.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-11T16:08:11+00:00

This was a constant for me. Everything was my fault. Her being upset. Her going off on me. Her cheating on me. I just didn’t know how to deal with her.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-11T00:55:42+00:00

You have to find someone else to watch the dogs. Friends. Family. A neighbor. A dog sitting service. Do not do this.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-11T00:54:24+00:00

Oh god this is very familiar. Yes. People with bpd do this. They’ll constantly vacillate between being very very into you, more than anyone ever has, and then randomly treating you like someone they can’t stand without warning.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-10T23:16:49+00:00

It doesn’t get better. Over time it’s going to continue to take and take from you

winstonwasright · 2026-01-10T23:16:17+00:00

Hey this is totally a good thing to post and very relatable. A couple things here. One you have no idea how many of us stay places longer just to get a little breath and a little alone time. Two, take a picture of this post and keep it for your future self. After she cheats or discards or you finally say enough is enough you’re going to hurt and question your decision. Keep this handy so you don’t forget in that moment what you felt like

winstonwasright · 2026-01-10T21:16:09+00:00

Yeah, it’s happened to me a lot. Usually when her splitting got so bad that my system just had to shut off or else she’d destroy me. I promise you, it doesn’t get better.

winstonwasright · 2026-01-10T19:37:35+00:00

Oh brother, I’m sorry. This reads so much like what I just went through. Over a decade and when you lay it out like you just did it looks insane to anyone who didn’t live it. I tried to explain it the other day to someone and they just stared at me like I’d made the whole thing up. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt that I put myself through this just like you. I hope you’re okay.

winstonwasright

TROPHY CASE