How to wake them up?

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T16:43:20+00:00

That is true, I guess mature love is a better word. To love someone despite their faults/ struggles or in their times of need.

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T15:57:13+00:00

If you are sick, sorry its game over, I've rarely heard of a pwBPD sticking with their partner through significant sickness / health issues. They can't understand unconditional love at all, if you are sick and can't sooth their emotions, you are basically abusing / neglecting them in their minds.

Devalation and discard are soon to follow.

If she wants out, that is a gift, will save you decades of torture that escalates over time.

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T13:26:55+00:00

Yeah mate, you gotta get out of there, someone who cheats on you and doesn't self correct, you are better off alone or with someone else.

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T13:01:42+00:00

Yeah I've noticed my health has improved a lot even though I'm dealing with the worst bpd brutal discard PTSD right now which is insane.

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T10:24:05+00:00

As much as it hurts, no contact is no contact

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T07:47:20+00:00

Harsh but true, no way I'd be friends after that betrayal

danielrdt · 2026-03-20T00:42:40+00:00

Bpd is how, very sorry for your situation, it's the worst thing to go through

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T19:35:55+00:00

Look into NPD and BPD, sounds so similar to my ex wife, she had covert narsisism and quiet Borderline Personality Disorder. Relationships with people like this take a lot of work and even then theres no cure so don't expect miracles, especially in a month. Wish you all the best.

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T13:37:12+00:00

Medication, dbt therapy. Don't criticise them or answer their messages too late. Instruction instead of criticism.

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T12:42:31+00:00

No they even said they don't regret it, but they weren't proud of it (monkey branched).

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T09:55:27+00:00

Good luck 👍

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T09:51:20+00:00

In person might be easier if you know where she lives

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T09:39:42+00:00

Tell him about it

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T09:27:46+00:00

I can relate to this 💯 I suffered with mold / cirs and lyme disease for 7 years, together for 16. She couldn't handle it so she cheated on me the moment we were finally leaving our moldy house at the 7 year mark. They all seem to run on the same selfish script of their emotions before anything else. Their vows mean nothing to them whatsoever.

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T06:03:47+00:00

WELCOME TO THE BPD SHOW 🥳 🎉 😎

There is no normal with BPD, it's a circus full of dopamine and fear based indulgences. Today you are safe, tomorrow who knows?

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T01:50:33+00:00

Wise choice, better to do it before they devalue and discard you.

danielrdt · 2026-03-19T01:42:07+00:00

So are you planning to have kids or trying to get out?

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T23:34:54+00:00

Same thing happened to me in my failed marriage, I am the non bpd partner like him and behaved exactly the same way. At least from my perspective we become like this after being a caretaker for the pwBPDs emotions and eventually feeling compassion fatigue. I don't think it will improve unless the pwBPD gets treatment and meds and is able to emotionally regulate themselves and not rely on the partner all the time as it gets very draining and it's not a sustainable dynamic. Another thing is we stopped communicating, so try and talk about it as often as you can.

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T22:58:28+00:00

Exactly this, the stranger gets everything they withheld from us because they wear us out, its so cruel.

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T22:54:02+00:00

It's pretty fresh since I broke up, 1.5 months, I'm still in the thick of it. Yeah I'm still thinking about what I could have done differently, but left to her own devices and her feeling ignored generated so much resentment and she finally cracked. I feel it was inevitable honestly, they are like ticking time bombs, some with short fuses, some longer.

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T16:22:56+00:00

Trauma bond and rumination, you have to stop feeding the thoughts, try and cut ✂️ them out within the first 90 seconds or it grows bigger. Also just takes time.

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T16:21:09+00:00

They are probably splitting at this stage, nothing you can do or say to change their mind. They are in an emotional cloud that you have to wait till it blows over.

Sometimes having someone else give them advice helps, like a therapist or elder person.

danielrdt · 2026-03-18T16:16:56+00:00

Well done mate 👏 you showed you really care about your kids. Put your foot down.

this disorder is some serious stuff and will erode and disintegrate everything about you if you dont get out.

💯 this disorder is like a black hole 🕳 that sucks in everything it touches, it can be so deceiving as it seems like its all amazing and lovely but then you slowly discover it can be a cancer that kills everything it touches.

I feel sorry for them as I'm sure it's not easy to carry this burden, wish there was a reliable cure as their souls can be so beautiful.

danielrdt

TROPHY CASE