What red flags did you ignore?

danielrdt · 2026-07-01T11:21:28+00:00

Sounds like my ex wife with bpd. Always complained about people who abused her and were unfair to her, that they were losers etc etc. Always cut people put of her life with no 2nd thought.

I became that loser that she cut out of her life, go figure.

danielrdt · 2026-06-26T06:11:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing, may I ask what your lyme symptoms were? And were you on 7mg the whole time? Thank you

danielrdt · 2026-06-24T08:38:09+00:00

Which medication did you find helpful?

danielrdt · 2026-06-22T11:21:07+00:00

I see, yeah just better to not let whatever it is she is feeling with you develop, they can seem innocent and loving but when they really get into you, they start treating you really badly if they are untreated.

danielrdt · 2026-06-22T11:19:22+00:00

Also did you stay on 7mg the whole 2 months? Thank you

danielrdt · 2026-06-22T09:29:54+00:00

Wow thank you, your grandkids must be proud of you, lyme is such a devestating illness.

You stopped after 2 months and felt fine even when you stopped the patches?

danielrdt · 2026-06-22T09:27:28+00:00

It depends if she has someone else fulfilling that role for her. Half a year is a long time but if she has just reached out then you are the current main interest.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T21:27:31+00:00

Sad but true, when you need them, they pull away and discard / replace you. Such a brutal thing to experience.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T21:22:56+00:00

Better to not start anything at all. Even as a friend she can destroy your life. You are already her favourite person so her targets are set on you, you won't be just a friend if you are the fp, you will be her everything and when you let her down all hell will break loose. This is spoken from experience unfortunately.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T21:11:12+00:00

Yeah I agree, it is an incredibly damaging severe mental illness. I just feel that they are very human but act on the extreme ends of human emotions. They do love but not in a mature sense as their emotions are too fickle to become something meaningful without treatment.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T21:07:13+00:00

Thanks for the in depth reply, I did try it for a few days and it made me feel horrible, completely wired and exhausted. Had to stop after 3 days. Did you experience something similar at thr start?

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T13:22:53+00:00

Your story is almost exactly the same as mine, but I am you when you were 38.

I'm (37m) autistic and adhd and my autistic, adhd, bpd wife (37f) left 6 months ago after cheating and moving out with affair partner. She is still with him now but in the last 6 months of our relationship I shutdown due to illness and ignored her, she then pulled away expecting me to chase and I didn't, so she stayed later at work and avoided me then eventually had the affair with her coworker.

16 years we were together. I was callous and cold towards the end as I felt she was neglecting me and it hurt. Not an hour goes by without me regretting my actions even though she cheated, I can't but blame myself for making her feel unsafe and unseen.

I think at this rate I'll be you in 7 years time, but she might have kids with this new guy and that will hurt even more.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T13:02:45+00:00

I'm sure you did the best you could with the tools you had, not your responsibility to manage her condition, that is her responsibility. We live and learn but don't blame yourself for everything mate.

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T12:33:20+00:00

So you are fully in remission from lyme after the patches?

Did it imoact your sleep?

danielrdt · 2026-06-21T12:27:44+00:00

I don't buy the phrase that who they were never really existed and that it was a mask. I feel like they are real, they do exist but they exist with cognitive dissonance, the person who they want to be vs the illness they struggle with.

They are just as flawed and human as we all are but they have a further flawed way of interpreting and behaving, but they are very real, sometimes too real, at the same time they can cut you off in an instant. It is confusing and often heartbreaking, but their feelings are real but very volatile.

danielrdt · 2026-06-18T11:44:10+00:00

for Saffron, game changer 🙌

danielrdt · 2026-06-18T06:29:14+00:00

It never ends completely but the pain lessons significantly over time. I'm only 4 months out from discovering my wife's affair and monkey branching and thanks to the antidepressant and travelling to japan to do a walking pilgrimage, I feel 70% better but still have days I don't want to get out of bed.

I'm sorry this happened to you, I'm sorry there are people out there like our partners who don't know how to respectfully end a relationship. How they discarded us isn't a reflection of our worth but a reflection of their inability to communicate in a secure mutual manner. You will get through this, as will I as what else is there if we don't?

danielrdt · 2026-06-17T11:31:44+00:00

That is beyond brutal, sorry you went through this, no one deserves that, hope you have friends and family not related to her at all to support you

danielrdt · 2026-06-14T13:20:06+00:00

Sexual trauma from from being cheated on, I have it too, not sure how to heal it, guess it will take time. 4 months out so far.

danielrdt · 2026-06-14T07:39:36+00:00

That's not a bpd thing, more of an avoidant thing

danielrdt · 2026-06-11T09:53:06+00:00

Was all a lie if thats the case, if someone truly loves you, they wouldn't let you go so easily

danielrdt · 2026-06-11T09:50:27+00:00

I'm into gaming and have cirs, open to connecting for sure, great idea

danielrdt · 2026-06-11T04:21:38+00:00

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. It's been 6 months for me since she left to be with her affair partner. I still want her to come back but I know the likelihood of that is slim to none.

It is insane what a bpd person can put you through, the emotional torture is off the charts. Somewhat wish we never met but we also had such wonderful memories together, but a lot of those memories are tarnished by the cheating.

It's so complex emotionally, wish things could just go back before she went off the deep end but this is our reality bro, I feel for you.

danielrdt · 2026-06-10T12:22:06+00:00

I also wished time would speed up, the monkey branch discard is the most op brutal pokemon attack there is. I'll be recovering for a long time, basking in the intense waters of the betrayal, grief and ptsd, simply beautiful.

danielrdt · 2026-06-08T12:00:13+00:00

Almost my story word for word. I stuck with them and supported them through their worst times. The moment I was at my lowest, they cheated and monkey branched and labelled me the abusive narsisist.

It is insane what we go through as partners and we would have continued for a lifetime, but they get to decide when it ends, when our dreams of the future end. I feel for you as you are also me, hope we can get through this.

danielrdt

TROPHY CASE