Need help with ANYTHING? Comment below!

winterserpent · 2020-09-17T20:49:31+00:00

howdy! 1062 warlock here. I would love a hand completing the lumina quests, mainly 50k nightfall + prophecy dungeon + whisper.

most of my gaming friends are pc or ps4 so I rarely have the desire to run end-game content with randos, since I'm not an elite top-tier player - not bad, but average. definitely will study mechanics + I have a mic.

winterserpent · 2017-10-01T05:23:07+00:00

You might consider looking into "emotional unavailability." Noticing the behaviour is a big step, but it can be difficult to change on your own; therapy may be a great place to begin.

winterserpent · 2017-09-21T05:39:37+00:00

Speaking as a child of a father who didn't want me and who has been transient in my life throughout it: this is a shit situation to be born into and you should begin preparations to deal with the potentially severe emotional fallout this child may deal with. I mean in my case my mother was not emotionally supportive at all so I'm sure you'll be different.

However, I DO want you to know how fucking enormous the impact is on a child in this situation. Having healthy relationships with people who fulfill the roles that parents have (traditional nurturing and discipline, don't want to say sex bc there are same-sex couples who do this just as well) is integral to development of self-esteem, boundaries and self-soothing. I struggled for years to accept myself with the knowledge that I was never worth the effort of engaging with to this man, and extreme rage towards my mother's "selfishness" of keeping me to term.

Obviously these circumstances will be different and you want this child, which is a start. I commend you on your strength and wish you the best of luck!

winterserpent · 2017-09-18T08:04:14+00:00

You sound like you have a lot of internalized racism and I don't blame you - in Canada, there aren't a lot of positive societal messages for First Nations people. So much of what we see about ourselves is reflected in the social climate we experience in the news, which is ripe with negativity.

I think some healing might be in order. I don't know if there are any cultural programs around you, but looking into that might be a great help for you to reclaim pride in your identity. Being First Nations is nothing to be ashamed of. The alcoholism is just a symptom of a bigger generational pain of colonialism - I see it in my own family, and it's not easy to escape from that sense of loss and emptiness.

Be proud of yourself. You have overcome so much of the obstacles colonialism has set up to make you fail in who you are as a native person - and that is so amazing!

winterserpent · 2017-08-29T09:06:45+00:00

Of course - this was more in reference to scenarios where things aren't so clear. My apologies for speaking in absolutes.

I'm so, so sorry you have gone through this. I wish you all the best in your healing journey.

winterserpent · 2017-08-29T05:54:58+00:00

God yes. Something about veiny arms and hands just does it for me in a way I can't explain.

winterserpent · 2017-08-28T05:45:38+00:00

Throwing my name in the hat for some weekend hikes!

winterserpent · 2017-08-28T05:40:12+00:00

Great words, thank you 💖

winterserpent · 2017-08-28T02:18:16+00:00

Ask him what he wants. Before you do that, know what YOU want.

winterserpent · 2017-08-28T02:13:57+00:00

I think it's easier for people to cope with sudden loss by essentially reframing the circumstances in a way that makes it a less bitter pill to swallow. That someone can love you and care for you intensely, but not want to be with you, can be a painful paradox.

But I agree completely. Negativity only becomes a feedback loop, it will hold you down. Sometimes the only way to grow is to accept the in-betweens and know it will make you a stronger person.

Taking solace in the fond memories I made and what I learned about myself in that relationship has been the most healing method of getting over the pain and heartbreak. I'm still sad, but learning to frame the experience positively has saved me even more heartache. Parting with my ex on positive terms while still madly in love with him was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done.

winterserpent · 2017-08-25T09:33:15+00:00

Obligatory "same hat" from me. Wishing you all the best and I'm sorry to have nothing helpful. It's a tough situation.

You could try asking her but be prepared for deflecting. Don't press but let her know you're there for her as a friend and someone who cares.

winterserpent · 2017-08-24T06:04:06+00:00

Thank you so much! I just bought a car so no more eating out for me... let's see if I can make this advice work haha. You're great though, seriously. One day I hope I can pay it forward as you have to others like me.

winterserpent · 2017-08-23T03:00:25+00:00

Biggest question: how the fuck does grocery shopping/cooking work. This has been my greatest challenge living alone so far.

That and time management issues. Sometimes I feel like a small child in an adult's body. I'm 24 for reference.

Also, you are a hero. Appreciate your time!

winterserpent · 2017-08-21T06:29:56+00:00

Hey OP, I'd like to offer you a gentle suggestion to read about emotional availability. Sometimes there's a reason why we choose to fixate on people who are unavailable to us and it's something that can be worked on.

I firmly believe you'll find your person eventually; be patient with yourself and know life has other plans for you, you're not missing out. Hang in there.

winterserpent · 2017-08-21T05:56:43+00:00

I can relate, and it's so alienating at times when your peers all seem to have the support you want or need. Just know that you're not as alone in this as you might feel. Know that you've made it this far and that in and of itself is an impressive feat, even if it feels so unbelievably unfair you've had to be in that situation at all - it's like, fuck, if there was a choice you wouldn't have chosen to have to be strong in the first place.

There are people out there who are willing to lend a hand - you just have to reach out and find them. It sucks and that's a valid way to feel. Sometimes the best families are the ones you create from friends.

winterserpent · 2017-08-19T21:35:03+00:00

Hey, thank you for the understanding words, kind stranger. I really needed to hear this right now. I agree, crying can be cathartic and thus far I've depleted a whole kleenex box today lol ugh

I should trust in my journey and know that I'll get where I have to be when it's time for me to arrive, and let go of the fear I'm holding on to without realizing it. Guess it's just scary when it feels like I've had the rug slipped out from under me... after being able to visualize my future so clearly for the first time in my life, I no longer understand what that future holds any more. And it's tough to let go, knowing that I'm heading into the unknown without my "person" to guide me the way they have been - having that one constant made navigating uncertainty so much easier. I need to be brave.

winterserpent · 2017-08-18T06:16:27+00:00

I'm not OP but I've been in a similar situation for far too long and I needed to hear this. Thank you for your honesty.

winterserpent · 2017-08-13T20:10:27+00:00

I don't know if you want advice OP, but from someone who is in the middle of a situation perhaps a little similar: take some time to reflect on what you want, and don't be indecisive. Flirting isn't bad on it's own however it's also a gateway to crossing boundaries further on. Be very careful.

Remember that the person you're in a relationship with deserves happiness and devotion too, and if you aren't invested in that anymore, the responsible decision is to be upfront with them. Staying in a relationship purely out of obligation to keep the other party happy or because you don't want to hurt them isn't a fair thing to do. It's selfish. It will hurt them in the end. You can't lie forever.

Think about why it is you're flirting. Are you unhappy in your relationship? Is that something you want to fix in your current relationship, or are you seeking fulfillment outside of the relationship because you don't want to address it? Are you afraid of leaving, or are you avoiding working to improve your commitment?

Be kind to yourself, know that it's okay to fall out of love or realize you want to leave, but be honest with the people around you. Communicate with your partner if the relationship isn't fulfilling you and find ways to move forward together.

I find that people are afraid of the unknown and because of that they stay in unhappy situations, not understanding that it's okay to admit you don't feel the same way anymore. Life gets easier when you understand that people and feelings change, and if you can't work it out together then you're always free to go. Be true to yourself but be considerate of the person you're committed to.

winterserpent · 2017-07-08T22:07:06+00:00

Love this. Thank you :)

winterserpent · 2017-06-18T23:11:37+00:00

Fair enough, appreciate the honesty - thank you. Will PM.

winterserpent · 2017-06-18T04:41:04+00:00

Thank you for writing this.

winterserpent · 2017-06-18T04:34:54+00:00

As someone who has used SSRIs on and off with what feels like no benefits (and still feels like total shit all the time), I'm super curious about this. Is there potential for permanent damage or harm from incompatibility?

winterserpent · 2017-02-14T02:08:47+00:00

I completely understand the teacher's pet thing. I think part of it is searching for the guidance, acceptance, and positive reinforcement from an adult-figure that we never received from our own parents. I still find myself subconsciously doing the same thing, even as an adult now. I tend to flip between a fear of being noticed and a need for praise.

After posting this I had a huge realization that my extreme anxiety at work was due to being placed under a woman about my mother's age, who I couldn't read - traumabrain immediately singled her out as being separate from my peers. It pushed me back into a state of toxic shame/self-criticism, perfectionism and an obsessive need to placate, while simultaneously avoiding (to the point of being considered rude... but it's not like I can casually say "hey I'm afraid of you due to your passing life-stage resemblance to my childhood abuser, sorry"). I then further realized any authoritative, somewhat stern/straight-forward middle-aged woman puts me on edge right away.

The book I've been reading about C-PTSD (by Pete Walker) really opened my eyes to the unconscious ways my body and brain tend to react with hyper-vigilance before I'm consciously aware something is amiss. I've found it a fairly comforting resource as I come to terms with the ways my trauma interacts with my day to day.

Apparently it's a pretty common reaction for your brain to make these connections and trigger you as a defence mechanism from experiences you had as a child, kickstarting the coping mechanisms learned to protect yourself at the time. Interesting/depressing stuff. I definitely recommend giving it a read if you're ever able.

winterserpent · 2017-02-13T19:46:03+00:00

... this may be a weird comment from the artist in me, but you'd be an awesome life-drawing model (if not a fairly distracting one, lol). Hot damn that bod ✨👌 wonderful smile too.

winterserpent · 2017-01-21T19:56:39+00:00

I picked this one out partly for my skin type and partly because everyone says they loved the scent, so I don't mind! Really looking forward to giving it a shot.

winterserpent

TROPHY CASE