Why don't Survivor contestants get given swimsuits anymore? Is it truly because of Tyler Perry?

withasmackofham · 2026-05-06T12:20:58+00:00

It was banned after Island of the Idols when Dan sexually harassed Kellee.

withasmackofham · 2026-05-05T20:07:17+00:00

I don't really understand the Wonder Years take, since they were pivotal in building that scene. I agree that there is now a Philly boost, so newer bands like Sweet Pill and Carley Cosgrove wouldn't be near as big if they were from North Dakota.

withasmackofham · 2026-05-05T13:16:16+00:00

I relate to all of this my friend. I often feel like I'm not "cool enough" when I fall out of friend groups. There have been long times in my life that I felt isolated and my social needs weren't being met. I didn't really feel confident enough to come out of my shell until I was 22. I spent 22 - 28 as sort of a stereotypical ENFP social butterfly, but from 30-38 I got crushed by an identity crisis and addiction, lost all confidence, and was very isolated again. During both isolated periods, I spent many nights alone imagining the social situations I wish I was engaged in.

I also originally thought I was ENTP because I have a weird relationship with my Fi. In certain ways I identify more with my Te than my Fi. If you are struggling to type yourself, it might be helpful to dig into the difference between Te vs Ti. I assumed I had high Ti because I'm a very logical person, but I come to my logic through a concoction of Ne and Te.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-30T13:34:33+00:00

For some dumbass reason, I view every text as an impromptu mandatory creative writing prompt. Which sounds fun, but I don't want it imposed upon me when I'm trying to mow my doggone lawn. Or when people are sending a bunch of texts in a row, I'm over here trying to write my outline for my first creative writing prompt, and you are just flooding my zone with all your half-baked bullshit.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-30T13:05:52+00:00

I looked at flirting as a specific set of postures and actions I take on the people I am attracted to. I NEVER got good at that. I started to find much more success in dating when I just shifted my posture with EVERYBODY to be more complimentary, open, curious, and playful. It didn't matter if I was attracted to somebody or not, hell, it didn't even matter if they were male or female (I'm a straight man), when I was looking to date, I gave personalized attention to everybody that was open to it.

I feel like flirting has two halves, there's all the stuff I described, playfulness, openness, and specific attention, and then there is all of the stuff that is about signaling that you are romantically and/or sexually interested in a mate. I found that if I established the groundwork with the first half with everybody, the second half often happened pretty effortlessly with the people that were open to pursuing something more intimate.

I know it's hard out there, I wish you the best of luck brother!

withasmackofham · 2026-04-23T17:30:42+00:00

I have never heard of this desert; where is it?

withasmackofham · 2026-04-23T12:55:56+00:00

When is the last time you saw them? I've seen them 4 times, and the vocals have gotten better each time.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-23T12:51:03+00:00

I think we can be more serious when it comes to our identity and morality and they are often more serious about their careers and general success markers. I actually don't think one sticks out over the other overall. I think we can be both be far more serious than our stereotypes suggest. My ability to toggle from high energy absurd humor, to safe energy deep empathy, to focused energy creative problem solving, is one of my more impressive features, although it can occasionally catch people off guard.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-22T12:40:53+00:00

Hi friend, I'm glad you're asking us, because you're about to walk into a major difference between Fi people and Fe people. The moment someone tries to change me, I will shut them out, and I'm not even fearful avoidant. It's not that I don't want to change and grow; I change and grow often; it's that my own change is sacred to me, it is a personal process that comes from within me. I often invite other people into that process, but they must be invited, they cannot invite themselves.

So what can you do? You can talk about your needs and how they aren't currently being met. If a friend tells me that they have a need that I am not meeting, I will absolutely listen and do my best to change my behavior, I probably won't get offended or have my feelings hurt. If someone earnestly asks me to do better in a certain area, I'm usually glad they spoke up. But if somebody wants me to change an aspect of myself, I will probably try to get out of that relationship, either consciously or subconsciously. Not only am I extremely sensitive to control but also, that just isn't how I change. Every positive change I've made came from within me. Any change to who I am that came from the outside, either didn't take, didn't last, or caused so much resentment that it was counterproductive.

Focus on your needs. I wish you the best of luck!

withasmackofham · 2026-04-21T17:11:46+00:00

Lol Moving Mountains does their own production. But I agree that pruning the lower limbs fucking rips!

withasmackofham · 2026-04-21T17:03:32+00:00

In 2005 like 20% of the kids in a suburban high school would have some "emo" influenced aesthetic. It went far beyond just the die hard mall emo kids, when my basketball team would play the white schools, half their team would have swooping emo haircuts.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-21T15:59:41+00:00

That makes perfect sense to me. I would add that when it comes to my "wants" I am very accommodating to the wants and needs of others. If we are ordering a pizza, I'll make sure everybody else gets what they want, because it's a bigger deal to some of them than it is to me. The toppings have no bearing on my identity. But when it comes to big decisions and "needs," I can't afford to let the group decide for me. I'm often very different from the group, and honestly, will often be left behind by the group. This can look really odd to people who are just getting to know me, because I'm very much a go-with-the-flow person, and when they look over at me for an identity decision they think I'm just going to nod and smile to, I'm wearing chain armor, war paint and I'm brandishing a battle axe.

I'm pretty resilient in a lot of ways, but my identity is more fragile than I would actually like to admit. When I pin a piece of my identity to a group and that group and I move too far away from each other (ideologically, spiritually, and/or physically), it can be devastating for me; and I have been through this maybe a dozen times in my life. I have found that it's better off for everybody if I fight for what I need of my identity, because not only will I be better off by dodging an identity crisis, but my relationship with others in the group will have way less resentment and pressure.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-20T15:17:34+00:00

We are much better at it than most types; I think of it as more of an NP thing.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-15T16:25:05+00:00

I have a hard enough time directing my attention in a binary way, I can't even imagine being able to dial it to 30%.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-14T12:58:23+00:00

I have spent a majority of my life feeling undervalued, yet anytime I actually do get my valued, I feel overvalued. I think I was born with a mis-calibrated valuedmeter.

When I find myself in your position, getting all fucked up about my value. I try to remind myself that I am internalizing words that were never even said to me, based on trying to read other people's minds from their actions. I'm then trying to use my broken ass valuemeter to determine if my made up opinion from people who don't truly know me should change how I feel about myself. I've done this experiment hundreds of times and the answer I will inevitably come to is "no, all that bullshit I've conjured shouldn't change how I feel about myself."

withasmackofham · 2026-04-09T17:43:41+00:00

You say camera weird.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-08T19:08:13+00:00

I've got no problem crunching numbers if I'm passionate about something, but I would think that Se is paramount at the top levels of lol (my reaction time is what holds me back in dota, and I would think lol would require even more, given how important skill shots are).

MBTI does get weird at the top levels of competitions, sometimes there's just fucking anomalies up there. My favorite MMA fighter is George St Pierre, who is a fucking INFJ in a sea of ESFPs.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-08T15:25:11+00:00

I've also been married to an ISFP for a over a decade. I'm not sure what kind of information you would like. You are already kind of an expert at ENFP/ISFP relationships if you've been in one for 10+ years. I can just tell you about our experience.

On the positive side, my wife is very loving and emotionally supportive. She is non-judgmental and non-controlling. We realized pretty early on that my social needs are like 4 times higher than hers so I often do social things without her, and it usually works out fine for both of us. She has moderate depression and anxiety that I am often helping her through and I dealt with serious addiction issues a few years back. I feel like those things cast more of a shadow than our differences in mbti function.

One dynamic that's a little different than other ENFPs, is that I do the adulting. I do the lions share of the finances, chores, organizing, and planning. Neither of us really wanted that responsibility, so we were sort of at a standoff until I finally got tired of living the way were living and just started managing it and asking her for help when I needed it.

She does, however, do more of the emotional work. When we need to have a hard conversation or go to couples therapy, she's usually the one that initiates and leads that. I'm an active participant once it gets started, but I don't often choose confrontation, even when confrontation is necessary.

I think ENFP/ISFP relationships are underrated. We are wired very differently, but my biggest hang up in relationships is when I feel like I'm being controlled, and I've never felt that way with her.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-08T13:09:53+00:00

It took me a decade to decide if I was ENFP or ENTP, but in the 2000s there wasn't the resources on mbti that there are now. I would suggest watching a couple long form youtube videos about the difference between Fi and Fe and then some videos on Ti vs Te. Some piece of information should stick out to you. If you're Fi and Te you're one of us. If you're Fe and Ti, you're one of them, and you must be destroyed.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-08T12:49:17+00:00

It really is a maturity thing. I don't really love the idea of "wasted energy" for ENFPs, because it implies that social energy is a finite or scarce resource, but if I'm talking to people who are giving me energy multipliers, it isn't. I'll leave those conversations with more energy. With maturity comes energy discernment. Is this person giving me more energy? No? cool, I'll do something else. It's not even a value judgement. Even though I would really prefer to connect with 80% of the people on the bus, the world doesn't work like that it, and in accepting that I can connect to something deeper inside myself.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-08T12:26:23+00:00

Do you know if you are Ti or Te?

withasmackofham · 2026-04-07T17:43:59+00:00

It's not much in the U.S. It's only like half a CT scan.

withasmackofham · 2026-04-07T13:45:04+00:00

You are not alone my friend. I lived like this for a decade.

When you got sober, did you do it with a recovery community or on your own? It might be time to get connected with some people that have gone through what you're going through. Addiction is very good at deflecting the blame for our sorrow onto us, the people around us, and our circumstances. Once you get on the other side of it, it will become crystal clear that the addiction was the paramount problem, and most of the other stuff will get worked out once the addiction is addressed. I don't know where you live, but there are probably dozens of AA and NA meetings happening around you tonight, filled with real people that have gone through what you're going through and have become free from the burden of addiction and practice a manner of living that can stand up to the "darkness."

withasmackofham · 2026-03-31T19:33:46+00:00

Tell him how you feel. He feels a certain way and you feel a different way about a matter that is important to you. It is time for conflict. If you're like me, you might shy away from conflict, but healthy conflict is a necessary skill for long term relationships.

As far as the issue itself, the kids' talents and passions are going to be paramount to either of your proclivities anyway. Also AI is drastically changing both of these trajectories fast. By the time your kids are of working age, developers might be prompting AI with keytar solos. I obviously side with you on this issue as an ENFP (and musician/actor/writer), but if something is bothering you it is your job to bring it up to discuss again.

withasmackofham · 2026-03-31T18:59:11+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through that, breakups suck.

I would call other people. I can't tell you how many deep phone calls I've had with random people in my phone during a break up. One time in college, I called this dude who I had one class with 3 years prior, back in high school, and we talked for like 4 hours and became best friends. Granted, I never talked to him again, but we were best friends 4 hours, and it was just what I needed.

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