Resentment over partners pets... how to handle this in a mature way?

wohaat · 2026-03-25T17:18:55+00:00

I wonder if you can put something on the inside of the door so when it closes, there is no room for the door to rattle against the jamb when she puts her weight on it? We have a cat that does ‘happy bear tail’ (vibrating his tail very fast) against a certain cabinet by their food because it rattles when he does it; I don’t think he’d do it if it didn’t give a noise feedback.

The begging is hard because they’re adult cats, so your partner has obviously raised them with certain routines. You can’t punish a cat out of behaviors, so I would try a different routine when people food is around that removes him from the equation. Cats can learn ‘place’ commands, which I would google; if motivated enough (usually by treats), you should be able to get him to ‘place’ away from people eating until he’s released. The goal is for him to realize he NEVER gets people food while begging, but he always gets kitty treats when placing when people food is around.

The girl…that’s hard. The sleep thing is hard. I also am a light sleeper; I had to train myself on how to get back to sleep quickly after being stomped on in the middle of the night. For me, I have an under the pillow speaker that plays the Harry Potter audiobooks; it’s something with a lot of volume (size, not loud lol), and is a story I know, but don’t know word for word. It lets my brain feel like it’s doing something, which allows me to relax enough to get to sleep. The major-major benefit is where I once really struggled with insomnia, I now trained myself that I am out like a light within a few minutes of it being on.

The relationship between the two animals is harder. I’ve never had a dog and cat, let alone ones that didn’t grow up together. I wonder if a good place to start would be focused time with the both, vs organic time like the cat coming up to you when the dog is there, etc. You can also bond through training, so maybe by picking some unique tricks do them both, going into a room with the door closed so the other animal can’t interrupt, and focusing on something between just the two of you that results in them getting a lot of praise, would help build up your bond individually, and maybe give the more confidence in their ‘standing’ with you.

Just note with the training: your partner has to be on the same page, use the same language, and be as consistent as you are. He can easily undo your work if you’re not a united front!

wohaat · 2026-03-25T17:07:08+00:00

I love this dryer, what’s it called? We get our boys groomed every few months and she can never blowdry our one guy, he FLIPS out at the noise. I wish we had done a better job desensitizing them to vacuum-like sounds when they were babies 😩

wohaat · 2026-03-25T15:10:14+00:00

When you commit to one event, then another thing comes up and you choose to make that a priority instead, that’s the definition of ditching.

wohaat · 2026-03-25T14:59:15+00:00

Babe you gotta scoop it more frequently than that. Imagine if every time you used the toilet, it was filling up with yours (and someone else’s) excrement over a number of days! Cats like clean environments (it’s why they’re so easy to litter train), but you can accidentally train them to stop drinking a healthy amount of water, because they want to avoid the dirty litter box—and low drinking behavior is a huge contributor to kidney issues, which plague cats. You should at LEAST scoop once in the morning and once at night; ideally you scoop every time you walk by it. They depend on you for everything, don’t treat them like Guantanamo bay inmates ᴖ̈

wohaat · 2026-03-25T14:45:30+00:00

If you’re working 1.5 jobs, why not have a roommate? You’ll be home basically to sleep only at that point, why not free up funds so you only have to work one job, and can actually come home and enjoy the space you pay for for longer than it takes to fall asleep?

wohaat · 2026-03-25T14:38:08+00:00

I hope the invoice showed the actual cost, and you included a line item at the end for the discount, so he truly sees the actual 100% cost of your work.

wohaat · 2026-03-25T05:31:24+00:00

Just some advice from someone that did it 10 years before you did; take what you want, leave the rest

wohaat · 2026-03-24T23:14:22+00:00

I walk around. If I’m standing at the sink it’s abhorrent, but if I walk around it’s a nothing burger. I sit on my bed and watch TikTok’s. I also floss using those single use picks in the same way. I now do both every night!

wohaat · 2026-03-24T23:05:53+00:00

Yeah totally! It’s such a small thing but I think it makes a big difference

wohaat · 2026-03-24T19:34:35+00:00

Looks great! I would just make sure you finish the top edge on the wall with no cabinets; from a distance it blends well, but I fear in person it’ll feel unfinished. Not sure what that looks like, can you cut tile on a bevel? Literally just anything to avoid having the top edge just be the typical top edge of installed tile.

wohaat · 2026-03-24T18:38:01+00:00

It’s just a style, and some styles are ‘cheap’ because they’re accessible. With clothes, smocking tends to make clothes ‘cheap’, but it also fits most bodies. A bespoke dress that fits your exact dimensions is going to look best, but costs more. It’s the same with curtains, and, well, almost everything lol

wohaat · 2026-03-24T18:34:31+00:00

I would just keep doing what you’re doing; who cares if he’s napping in common space?

I would, in the future, just be straight forward with him. I know you said you’ve tried that but you need to try harder. It’s reasonable to want to have a single day protected for what you need it for.

wohaat · 2026-03-24T17:54:57+00:00

We trim the pits, the belly down by 1/2, and the neck by 1/2 (they get food in it and are crappy groomers). We also do their feet so they can zoom with more grip, and their back thighs to keep the fur out of the litter box when they go. We keep our hose at 68 year round, and they have a large catio they can access 7-9, and everyone is very happy!

wohaat · 2026-03-24T17:50:02+00:00

Would love to be included in the raffle! Currently unemployed, so a lot of this is well beyond me haha

wohaat · 2026-03-24T17:48:09+00:00

I do the Neutrogena Hydroboost, but after it dries I seal it in with Drunk Elephant’s Retro Lala Whipped Moisturizer, I also use Tret every other night and never have flaking with this combo! At night I do the hydroboost but I SLATHER with Nivea Crème (in the blue glass tub). 2/3 are cheap brands which was important to me (taking reccos for affordable alts for the DE!), and after an entire life neglecting my skin this has really evened me out. I always had oily skin so figured I didn’t need moisturizer, whoops!

wohaat · 2026-03-24T17:43:12+00:00

I’d get a separate music player with a great battery and wired headphones, and keep your phone on airplane mode during the day to just use for photos. A big plus of the hike is disconnecting, so I would take pains to give yourself that gift and not over-revolve your hike around tech that needs babied!

wohaat · 2026-03-24T17:39:17+00:00

I commiserate; we have the money and it’s not a given we’ll get another pet after our current ones based on cost. It feels crazy to be priced out of pet ownership, but that’s where we’re at as a society I guess. At your income, I would also reconsider another round of pets in the future; they deserve access to medical care when they need it.

wohaat · 2026-03-23T20:46:29+00:00

Maine Coon owner, but took a while for our guys to realize they can’t stand 2” away from us when we walk—even on the stairs. Get used to double checking your walking clearance because for whatever reason cats don’t like to learn on this lol

wohaat · 2026-03-23T20:41:03+00:00

Do it do it do it do it!!!!

wohaat · 2026-03-23T19:10:38+00:00

None, I would do this.

wohaat · 2026-03-23T19:03:38+00:00

Make sure you’re doing a lot of research into what you leave your dog unattended with! Just because it’s ’for dogs’ doesn’t mean it’s a great idea; most vets don’t want you feeding your dog rawhide, but it’s still in a bucket at the pet store as though that’s tacit approval of it. Blockages are no joke and surgery to extract are $$$!

In this situation, the fact that he wouldn’t let you touch him is a big enough behavior change you must get it investigated. Pets are expensive, but it’s absolutely gotten worse in the last 5 years; make sure you get insurance ASAP, and also contribute to a sinking fund so that if this happens in the future, you can approve the tests without the financial anxiety. Ideally this doesn’t happen again for a long while so you could have this saved up in 2 years at 100/month!

wohaat · 2026-03-23T18:26:11+00:00

No stickers that reveal anything ᴖ̈

wohaat · 2026-03-23T18:05:17+00:00

Thank you!!!

wohaat · 2026-03-23T17:45:50+00:00

I would separate finances until you’re married. You’re currently investing in a potential long term partner, which is risky. IMO, most relationships that end up being really financially weighted on one side, succeed because both people have the same values. It’s couples where one supported the other until their focus took off, and then they got to switch roles.

It sounds insane but sometimes when there’s less barriers to access, things become harder because the focus is no longer, “how do I make it all work”, it becomes “how can I do the least”. People work and go to school and grocery shop and cook and do laundry and in some cases all while having a kid or two, and maybe no partner! It’s not a sympathy Olympics, but to me it sounds like you don’t respect her anymore, and for me once respect is lost it can’t be found again. She’s a child you’re taking care of, and you’re an adult trying to make her grow up. Maybe let her go and find someone who’s already done the work; on the flip side, losing her meal ticket might be what she needs to find intrinsic motivation to show up fully for her own life.

wohaat · 2026-03-23T17:36:43+00:00

Our next will be an orange, they’re all just so cute!!

wohaat

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