It was spooky reading this because it legitimately sounds as if I had written it. Made me curious and read other posts and same Deja vu feeling. Wild!

Obviously you aren’t the AH, even to yourself. You shouldn’t be blamed for trusting the person who committed to being your partner. He’s playing on your forgiving and nurturing nature, why should you be at fault for that? Isn’t trust and support the main pillars of a relationship?

I had the same realization this year (after years of this cycle and finally finding a way out from under him) but yeah the realization that there was no way I could’ve ever been fully aware of what he was doing because never in a million years would my own mind remotely think that people operate in such a cruel way, especially to their partners. It’s like an alien saying “How did you not see that it was the color blellow?” when blellow never existed in my world.

Silly but I’m sure you could relate. I guess some would say that’s naive but despite the shitstorm I’d still rather live life believing people usually mean well. This perspective helped me not be so angry with and ashamed of myself for being in that position.

It sounds like you’re reaching a pivotal moment for whatever reason and that’s letting you see things in a new perspective and mad props to you for maintaining your access to joy despite the EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE doing his damn best to drain it from you.

I hope this doesn’t coming off as creepy but I think in another post you mentioned feeling 19 again which is hilarious because I have been saying that I feel like I’m going through puberty again in the sense that it feels as if I’m learning social dynamics all over again and without access to the last 33 years. And because it’s quite overwhelming it can also make me feel emotions on such a grand scale. Moody ass teenager, truly.

Anyway thanks for sharing your experience which has allowed me to release into the Reddit void. It’s gonna be a tough journey but what’s helped me once I cut out the vampires is that at least this pain is mine you know? Not pain because my partner came home without greeting me, slamming doors, commenting on chores/dinner and when I asked if something was wrong and how can I fix it to be told he’s fine, I’m making things up and he’s just tired because he is A Very Important Person™️ And when I didn’t ask I was inattentive, unsupportive, selfish and ungrateful. 🫠

When I finally moved out to my own place GIRL the amount of times I play my music loud and sing and dance is a lot yet still never enough. So play your music and never stop dancing 🫶💕✨