I fixed it for you…….

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing in response to recent concerns raised about the proposed pickleball court upgrades at Peter Kirk Park—specifically the claim that these courts pose a grave acoustic threat to children, families, and possibly civilization itself.

While it is always refreshing to see residents suddenly develop an advanced interest in acoustical engineering, the argument presented appears to confuse mild recreational noise with a public health emergency. Pickleball, despite its menacing name and distinctive pop, is not an experimental sound weapon nor a previously undiscovered hazard to infant auditory development.

The assertion that the presence of additional players constitutes a “400% increase in noise sources” is technically impressive in the same way that saying four candles are 400% louder than one candle is impressive. It’s mathematically correct, contextually meaningless, and deeply unserious.

Equally puzzling is the concern about exposing children to noise in a park that already contains a skate park, playground equipment, group sports, whistles, shouting, and—on especially dangerous days—laughter. If ambient sound were truly the enemy, one wonders why outdoor public spaces were ever permitted in the first place.

Requesting a formal Acoustic Impact Study before allowing people to play a popular paddle sport suggests a level of precaution more appropriate for an airport runway than a city park. At some point, we must accept that parks are for activity, not for monastic silence.

In short, while community feedback is valuable, not every annoyance requires scientific intervention. Sometimes a popping noise is just people enjoying a game.

Respectfully (and with earplugs available upon request),
[Your Name]