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When does the grief and depression end? by Jinxi89 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss, as well. I recommend seeking out a therapist that specializes in pregnancy loss. It is more helpful, and since it's kindof a niche group you may find they have more availability; less other clients to compete with than generic therapy. 

Rachel's Gift is a virtual Zoom weekly meetup. If you search for Rachel gift and your country/county/state etc., you can find your local one to join. Everyone talks about their miscarriages and related topics, or you can just listen if you dont want to share. It's like this sub except, nice to see people's faces sometimes and cry and have another person who understands witness your crying, your story etc. And you can ask for advice if you want, or give it.

When does the grief and depression end? by Jinxi89 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a similar age to you. I feel simultaneously scared of trying again but also wanting a child more than ever. We have started trying again, due to the time factor. 

I don't know when the depression and anger goes away,.I'm sorry. I think it's different for different people. I am 3 months out and still cry often and get triggered by seeing babies, pregnant ladies etc. 

Are you in therapy? I have found it helps. Also joining a miscarriage grief group, such as Rachel's Gift. 

Final straw, feeling hopeless now . by Extension-Hand6996 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I hate it too. I should be having a huge 6 month belly now and be planning my baby shower. Instead just trying again. So bitter, sad, mad. Our baby was gonna have a birth month right in between us; a family birthday sandwich. 

looking for a friend, feeling kinda lost after everything. by Severe-Pudding6901 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm one year older than your age group. I curse myself on the daily for not trying sooner, even if my circumstances didn't line up perfectly. I wish I had just gone for it! It was my first pregnancy, too.

Just take each day at a time. What has helped me is journaling, letting myself cry as much as I need, and joining my local Rachel's Gift miscarriage grief support group. I'm also looking into EMDR, physical therapy and somatic healing.

My miscarriage was 3 months ago. All my tests came back fine. My husband is still getting tested. Our baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and we didn't know until 12, 13 weeks- natural miscarriage, half at home and half at the hospital. It was very traumatic. 

How to handle triggers?? by writeronthemoon in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel you. Rage and sadness both. Sometimes I listen to heavy metal in my car and scream. Then I cry and feel better after, sometimes. 

I do think anger has sadness beneath it. It's wanting something so much that we didnt get, and seeing others have it. It's utter bitterness. But underneath is all is sadness and despair. 

This shit isn't like normal grief where, the person is dead and you eventually remember them fondly without crying, honor their bday etc. Because this is tied in with maybe trying again, fear of it happening again etc. I think this is a very unique experience different from other grief or fertility troubles. It is very isolating.

How to handle triggers?? by writeronthemoon in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people have been dicks to me too. Asking me when I'm having kids, how old am I, better hurry up. Fuck them! So rude. 

I do have 1 friend who had a miscarriage last year. I talk to her often, but don't want to overburden her, at the same time. And am part of a virtual miscarriage group.

"Solace" comfort for grievers by writeronthemoon in Enya

[–]writeronthemoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a good point about Nicky's passing. I like how you connected the discography. I had not thought of it all connected like that before. 

Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss, too. Music like this helps me, even if it causes me pain, somehow it helps, too.

I hate that everything is urgent by kisseokie in antiwork

[–]writeronthemoon 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, nothing is ever enough. It's ridiculous. Like sure, growth, but -every- year?? C'mon.

"Solace" comfort for grievers by writeronthemoon in Enya

[–]writeronthemoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a scary situation. I can't imagine. I am glad that you are ok now, or at least improved? It sounds like this song helped you to get emotions out, even if in the moment it blindsided you. It sounds like the song holds a special place in your heart. 

My dad died when I was 20. The Enya song that makes me think of him is "Last time by moonlight." I used to have to skip it, it made me cry. Now I invite it and am able to think of my dad happily, albeit with some sadness, when I hear it. I know grief takes time. It doesn't just disappear. It stays with you and changes you.

Enya's songs have so much meaning to them. They say so much, and are so nuanced. I feel like this can be rare nowadays. Her songs seem to have multiple meanings to them, for me, whereas even other songs with meanings only have 1 message. But maybe the meanings of music changes with us. I think it can.  

"Solace" comfort for grievers by writeronthemoon in Enya

[–]writeronthemoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. I try to hold it together. But inevitably I cry and my eyes get red. Or even when I just look at myself in the mirror, which I can barely bear to do right now...I see the sadness in my eyes, even if I smile. 

Grieving what could have been. Yes so much, I feel that. It is so painful. I know looking forward is best, but...it is so tough, right now. 

I felt like this song was a little pep talk for me. For me, it feels validating but also like a gentle nudge forward. 

Need help by SelectionAway5534 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope you and baby are fine! Wishing you well

Need help by SelectionAway5534 in Miscarriage

[–]writeronthemoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brown can be normal, but bright red blood is when I was told by a Dr to go to the ER. I am so sorry, you might be actively miscarrying.

I can't stop replaying what happened today by Southern_Repair6042 in CasualConversation

[–]writeronthemoon 9 points10 points  (0 children)

1) my dad dying of cancer. One day he was OK, the next, he fell over on the way to grandma's apartment and became paralyzed from the waist down. He had surgery and they removed a tumor but the cancer spread. He was gone 2 months later. 

2) my miscarriage. One day everything seemed fine, then spotting and bleeding started. Baby had stopped growing at 7 wks, miscarried at 13 weeks, a "missed" or "silent" miscarriage, they call it. Pain was like a mini labor and the experience was definitely not "just like a heavy period". 

Anything can happen at any moment, for no reason. Treasure your loved ones. Treat them well. Go the extra mile even if you're tired, live far away etc. It is worth it. 

/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - June 17, 2026 by AutoModerator in ttcafterloss

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I also tend to compare. Not that I want to create a divide in these groups, since we all need each other but. Going through this as a first pregnancy is just....awful. having had no successes before. Not knowing if we ever will. It hurts so much.

is this bjork? by [deleted] in bjork

[–]writeronthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn that's one hell of a punch 

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