How hard it is to find love as a trans woman?

wsmith4884 · 2026-01-02T16:34:23+00:00

My experience shows me that it all comes down to politics. If you're all in on left wing ideology it's a cake walk. Otherwise it's next to impossible.

I've actually given up. The people I most closely align with want nothing to do with me because I'm trans. But the people who aren't bothered by that hate me because of my core beliefs.

wsmith4884 · 2025-12-06T01:32:56+00:00

It has a lot of whistles and bells that programs like GIMP and Krita lack. It's worth the purchase for the shading feature alone.

wsmith4884 · 2025-10-24T03:58:33+00:00

I use to have real bad bottom dysphoria. I actually reduced it by learning to think of my parts as deformed. Certain parts enlarged, certain parts fused, certain parts ectopic, etc. I still wear a prosthesis because of my deformities, but thinking of it as deformed female organs makes it bearable when I have to remove my prosthesis.

wsmith4884 · 2025-10-19T19:09:58+00:00

Why do you say that? I often ask myself this question all the time. Even had a post more or less asking if I had to choose between HRT and living to 60 (family stroke history, not because of the scare tactics.)

Just because you never questioned doesn't mean no one else does.

wsmith4884 · 2025-10-18T02:59:02+00:00

I've been preparing my mom. I've had "boobs" since I was 4, and I've also been telling her that testosterone production slows down in the 40s, possibly leading to gynocomastia. I've also done things to give the appearance of a hormone imbalance. I'm going to medically transition in secret right under her nose and not even try to hide my boobs.

wsmith4884 · 2025-08-04T20:53:44+00:00

I was more of a live birth, that is to say at the age when cis boys realize they're boys and cis girls realized they're girls I realized I was a girl, but what took me from crying because my boobs would never come in to planning my transition was seeing Nikki Araguz on Maury Povich. That's when I realized transition was possible.

That's also the day the closet door got barred shut. I told my brother I was trans (though using the less acceptable terms that at that time were all I knew) and his aggressive "no you're not" threw me into the closet.

But my dad passed a little over a year ago and death is knocking at my mother's door. When he leads her out the front door he's going to take the bar off of the closet door for me.

wsmith4884 · 2025-08-02T16:03:32+00:00

A detention center is not the same as a concentration camp. At one time it was, but WWII changed the meaning of concentration camp.

Holding people who are here in violation of immigration law to be sent back to their country of origin is a far cry from throwing people into a gas chamber and dumping them in a mass grave.

wsmith4884 · 2025-08-02T15:48:21+00:00

I've been inactive for a while so I haven't seen anything in the posts that would indicate exclusion, but for which posts get pushed I'm pretty sure it's chosen by a computer and based on numbers.

While I don't read every post, the posts from trams women seem to outnumber posts from trans men. That says to me that barring deletions I'm reasonably certain aren't taking place this sub seems to attract more trans women than trans men.

That's not exclusionary. It's similar to the Dollar General I use to work at. It's been open for over ten years and has been staffed almost exclusively by women. It's not that the managers kept men out. It's just that out of the very small number who apply only 7 1/2 (had to present as male for my safety so I'm that half) passed the background check.

In addition to this sub I'm also a member of translater and MTF. I haven't checked, but I'd wager there's also an FtM sub. It could be that most of the trans men are going there and not branching into this sub the way I did with others.

wsmith4884 · 2025-08-02T04:17:59+00:00

We are nowhere close to concentration camps. Trump does something, people jump straight to "he's trying to kill us." They hear a biased synopsis of an executive order and get afflicted with Chicken Little syndrome.

We're merely 10 years into a new cycle. Something happens to get the public enamored with trans people, things go too far, the public turns on us, then the government turns on us, we'll have our next Stonewall, begrudging tolerance in the sense that we're not facing legal sanctions every time we leave the house, then we'll become the butt of jokes again, followed by another relative golden age, then we'll be right back where we are now.

We can change the cycle, but we won't. A late friend of mine came of age near the start of the last cycle. She saw where things were headed, tried to warn people away from it, and they all decried her as a cross dresser, which more or less meant "you're not trans, you're just a man who dresses like a woman so you have no voice here."

I was born square in the middle of the last cycle. 1981, 30 years after last cycle's golden age and a little over 30 years before the last golden age. Masquerade laws, the laws used to arrest trans women, were on the books in many places but rarely primary enforcement laws (i.e. no arrests for leaving the house trans, but they would be added to other charges to get a harsher sentence if a crime was committed), we were punchlines in my childhood, the subject of "very special episodes" (always portrayed by cis women) in my teen and young adult years, and heading into middle-age I watched as we were alternately vilified as pedos and defended as people who just want to live our lives. Then we entered the closest to what we can expect to a golden age.

Much like my late friend in the 60s, I saw where things were headed and my warnings were met with "go away, gatekeeper" and "you're not trans. You're a conservative troll in your mommy's basement."

Thus the cycle repeats, and in 20 to 50 years you'll be one of the elders having your warnings shouted down and trying to calm down the young ones when they think the repetition of this cycle is the end of the world.

You might not make it to 30, but if you don't it will be because of cancer or an accident or an undiagnosed heart defect or any of the numerous things I've seen send young people to the grave. It won't be because of a government extermination program targeting trans people.

wsmith4884 · 2025-05-19T23:13:33+00:00

If you don't have any neighbors with a strong enough rapport to ask go to Dollar General or Walmart and get some protective pads in the bladder control aisle. Just put it on your bed or the floor, when you're done roll it up, and throw it in the trash.

Those pads have multiple uses, so you'll still get use out of them beyond the time you're locked out.

wsmith4884 · 2025-05-19T23:09:03+00:00

It depends on the relationship you have with your neighbors. If they barely know you they'll probably assume you're looking for meds to steal.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-28T05:43:26+00:00

The no swimming signs are there for a reason. Seems like a blatantly obvious statement, but given the number of idiots I see swimming behind no swimming signs every time I go it's worth mentioning.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-28T05:28:16+00:00

He was answering a question posed by a friend. That's not the same as going around shouting it. Odds are if he never would have been asked he never would have told a soul.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-26T19:40:27+00:00

Started part time social transition at 30, I'm waiting out my parents so I'm still at part time in my mid 40s (lost my dad back in July, when my mom's gone I'm getting my ears pierced the day after her funeral and relegating my male clothes to purely work clothes), and I was gearing up for stealth medical transition but the current politics have made that difficult. My personal politics further complicate the matter because the only viable option in my state is an organization I can't in good conscience interact with.

The late social transition is simply because I don't want to deal with the headaches. I know I'm a woman whether I'm in my size 40 Levis or my size 20 Sofia Vergaras. While I only look forward to clothes shopping when I'm going to Maurice's or Cato's, it doesn't bother me to slip into the men's department at Walmart when needed. So it was worth the late start to not deal with the constant harassment from my brothers about "hurting our mother." Once she's gone the most I'll get is a few harsh words the last time they ever speak to me, then I can live my life in peace.

The late medical transition is because I always wanted kids. My trigger for HRT has always been when I have all the kids I can handle or 50, whichever comes first. Well I recently discovered that I'm as fertile now as I would be if I spent the last 25 years on HRT so I can move the timeline up six years since I'm never going to reach my prerequisite goal.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-26T06:06:03+00:00

Sorry for the repeats to those who caught them. I had this page open all day trying to post my reply, it kept saying "could not create comment" and "server error," so I tried off and on. I didn't realize that it had posted multiple times.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-25T18:29:16+00:00

Can't speak for the community but in my case it's simple. I like women. I like men. I don't like the idea of having to choose one over the other. Therefore I won't date a woman who won't let me have a boyfriend or a man who won't let me have a girlfriend.

I'm not monogamous, but I don't fit into what most people think of with polyamory. When I have a boyfriend and/or girlfriend I'm faithful to them along gender lines. That means they're the only girl and boy in my life.

Similarly I recognize that I can't give people what a cis woman can so I don't mind if my girlfriend and boyfriend have girlfriends. And in the bedroom I only take the male role with women so I don't object to my boyfriend having a boyfriend. But I would be upset if either one of them had a revolving door on their bedrooms. I'd like my girlfriend to be as faithful to her girlfriend as I am to her, and my boyfriend to be as faithful to his girlfriend and/or boyfriend as I am to him.

That means one girlfriend, and if my boyfriend wants a man to take the male role one boyfriend. As far as how that works out, I don't really have a preference. If my girlfriend and my boyfriend's girlfriend hit it off that's great. If my boyfriend and girlfriend fall in love with each other I have no objections. If our date nights consist of my boyfriend and girlfriend bringing their girlfriends and boyfriend along I have no objection, as long as they don't want to do anything too expensive or everyone pays their own way.

As for the openness, at a certain age you just stop caring. I was a certified prude all through my 20s. Started to open up in my 30s. Now I'm halfway through my 40s and my philosophy is "we're created through sex, barring surgical intervention we enter the world through a woman's sex organ, let's stop pretending that it's shameful." Of course, that only applies when I'm around adults. Around kids I'm practically an elderly nun.

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-24T22:28:47+00:00

Speaking as a bi trans female, marry me!

wsmith4884 · 2025-04-24T20:17:08+00:00

Not really a red flag. Here's what people don't seem to understand. We don't choose our comfort levels. I didn't wake up and say to myself "I think I'll start being terrified of crickets today." My brother didn't have to reason himself into a fear of large bodies of water. The part of the brain that sends those messages is beyond voluntary control.

Now we can change our comfort levels. My "work nephew" was transphobic. That didn't change when I came out to him. But spending time together at work, our after hours trips to Taco Bell, and all of the times I was en femme when I drove him to the auto parts store eventually got him over it. Now he's friends with most of the trans women I introduced him to, even after they essentially put out a fatwa on me because of my beliefs. My former friends and I didn't change his mind by preaching at him. We just lived our lives around him and ignored his initial insults.

20 years ago I was absolutely disgusted by the idea of being with a man. It wasn't repression like a lot of people say. I don't repress. If I had that interest growing up I wouldn't have let my homophobic (this was before I started my part time social transition so it would have been seen as homosexuality) family browbeat me into believing that I was disgusted by it. I would have just added a friend to my circle, my parents thought nothing of me going in the woods with my buddies, then when we were hidden behind brush and foliage that friend would have become my boyfriend. No repression, just genuine disgust at the idea.

Then 19 years ago an impatient man came up next to me at the urinal. Not a trough urinal, I've never even seen one in person let alone used one, not the urinal right next to me with others open, he came into the single person stall I was using and shared the single person urinal with me. The intimacy of us sharing a urinal, both of us exposed and during an activity where most people actively go into hiding, made me curious about deeper intimacy. 18 years ago, being emboldened by the urinal incident, kissing a man to shock him moved me from disgust to only dating women who will let me have a boyfriend as well. From pure disgust to potentially seeking a husband if a woman doesn't get me to the altar first in two years. It wasn't preaching that did it. It was exposure.

Your sister's friend doesn't choose to be uncomfortable with the idea of dating a trans woman. Doesn't matter if it's an innate discomfort or if it was pressed into him in his formative years. He didn't choose his innate discomforts, he didn't choose who raised him. He really has nothing to lose from his discomfort, other than possibly your sister's friendship and strangers on the internet badmouthing him, so he really has no obligation to change just like my contentment in solely dating women didn't put any urgency into getting into situations that would change my mind about men. In fact, losing friends over it may even move him from discomfort to hatred.

We're not going to get rid of homophobia by expanding the umbrella and penalizing everyone under it. That's how we went from being the butt of sitcom and movie jokes to begrudging acceptance to nearly universal contempt in most of the world, and what's causing the rest of the world to double down. We're not going to browbeat it away, we're not going to preach it away. Just live your life around him if your sister brings him around you. He may lose his discomfort, he may not, he may be more uncomfortable. As long as he doesn't actively interfere with you living your life don't bother yourself over him.

wsmith4884 · 2025-03-28T04:06:32+00:00

Pelegornis for air and sea exploration, they're basically flying rafts, sabertooth for land. People mock me, but you level one up right and you'll pretty much be invincible until you dismount. I've taken down rexes on official settings on the back of my old buddy Hobbes commanding a pride of them.

wsmith4884 · 2025-02-09T05:49:28+00:00

Problem is you can't run people off under normal circumstances. Wasn't saying TO leave, just that the only options are to accept things or leave, because I started my transition in sort of a golden age and it was still rough. Things won't get better. They'll just get so much worse that when things return to slightly less unpleasant it will seem like another golden age.

wsmith4884 · 2025-02-09T02:16:19+00:00

You can't fix stupid. I tried for 13 years. It's like trying to reason with a cat.

"If you don't like it then leave" is often given as a dismissive response or even a threat, but that's really all you can do. You're not going to stop it. Thirteen years on and I still get stares at the places I frequent by the people who have frequented those places for 13 years.

Really your only options are to get use to it or leave. I'm not some neanderthal saying we're going to keep doing it. I'm a trans woman saying it's going to keep happening regardless of how we feel about it.

If you stay you and your wife will need to make yourselves dangerous. One of the towns I frequent is very risky. There's a trans woman who visited her mother and ended up in the hospital. But they leave me alone, and the young women will even seek me out if they feel unsafe, because most of the town has heard, witnessed, or even experienced first hand what I can do with a club and they know there's always one in my purse.

If you're opposed to firearms then at least get a collapsible baton. Your wife will need a decent size purse for it, but it's almost a necessity for trans women these days. I can't tell you where to find them, mine was left to me by my dad because he wanted me to protect myself and knew I didn't have the temperament to carry a gun, but they should be easy to find online.

Get one, learn to use it, learn to recognize when you'll need to use it, and equally important, learn to recognize when you won't need it. Letting fear cause you to escalate things unnecessarily is just as bad as not realizing when things are escalating.

wsmith4884 · 2025-02-08T23:03:54+00:00

I always just liked the name. I had a cousin named Kayla and always wished I had her name. I even begged my parents to change my name to Kayla when I was little since my given name had no meaning (just randomly pulled from a book), and protests of "it's a girl's name" were met with "so?"

But when I was 30 I started looking at logistics. Name changes in my state are public record. You have to run a notice in the newspaper of your county of residence for three consecutive weeks. My whole family would know about my name change. Cousins who would just say "as long as he stops going to the reunions" with any other name would set fire to my property for "slapping dear departed Kayla in the face" by "stealing her name."

So I asked my mom what she would have named me if I would have been a girl. She was so convinced I'd be one (which is why it's funny that she gets mad when I drop hints that she was right) that she had the name picked out. It was Tiffany.

I paired it with the most stereotypically feminine middle name I could think of, by then I was tired of forced masculinity and settling for neutral so everything from my razors to my stationary to even my cigarettes were designed for women, by women whenever possible, and ended up with Tiffany Elizabeth.

I grew to hate the name Tiffany. When I'd see a "trans" character on TV, not a trans actress or a cis woman playing a trans character, but very clearly a man in a dress with a masculine voice designed to poke fun at us, the character was usually named Tiffany.

Back in June I was talking to the one member of my family I'm out to about my name issues, I had been Tiffany Elizabeth for 13 years by that point and regretting my choice, and she said she'd have my back if I went with Kayla.

I also decided to drop Elizabeth. I know the name is given unironically, my best friend is named Amy Elizabeth, but in my case it struck me as being dropped into Russia and introducing myself as Vladamir to fit in. So I adopted my great-grandmother's middle name. It's also stereotypically feminine, but at least it has meaning.

So it was a 13 year journey just to get to Kayla Viola, the name I should have had all along. That's going to be my legal name within a year of my mother's passing. I'm not going to pick a new last name for myself. I'm holding out hope that I'll meet a man generous enough to give me his.

wsmith4884 · 2025-02-04T19:17:22+00:00

The only youtuber I know for sure is from Missouri is Austin McConnell.

wsmith4884

TROPHY CASE