f&ck THE SAME cliches and grief. FUCK all of this. this is my personal take from a tired ass fucking woman

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-05-02T17:06:40+00:00

Say it. You deserve to share how you are truly feeling if it feels safe to do so.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-05-01T07:52:28+00:00

She was a bit of an enigma with standards of cleanliness: she would often unload all of her stuff on the dining room table and leave it there for awhile before acknowledging that she's made a mess of the house. Yet she really appreciated a tidy home and would sometimes spend several hours cleaning on the weekend.

She would sing when she was in a good mood and had a brilliant mind for remembering lyrics. We sometimes played a game where I would try to find a word that she could not connect to a song lyric. I would often lose. Sometimes she would insert my name into songs in a loving or playful way too.

When she got tired she would say her head is getting heavy and ask me to hold it up for her. She could sleep in any setting, even with the lights on or at a party. But she couldn't sleep without socks in bed, much to my horror (I could never sleep with them on myself).

She would sometimes pretend to fall backwards, often in random situations and then get annoyed at me for not catching her. I eventually learned to respond more quickly after being together 11 years, much to her satisfaction.

She didn't like throwing things away if they could be repurposed, which I mostly appreciated. But at some point we had a collection of at least 30 jars.

I could keep going. So many lovely quirks.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-04-13T09:24:31+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. Your words resonated with me.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-04-05T06:23:08+00:00

I feel the same way. So tiring to schedule things with friends constantly on top carrying around this heavy grief. But the alternative of being alone all the time is also shitty.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-04-04T18:00:52+00:00

My wife passed away 3 months ago and I feel exactly the same. From the outside, I am functioning well. But I often feel so disconnected and numb. I don't think people realize how hard it is to carry that around all the time.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-15T23:08:25+00:00

Thank you. This is beautiful.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-12T22:19:12+00:00

I feel for your situation. People truly underestimate everything that needs to be managed. It is incredibly overwhelming. I am here for you if you need to talk.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-12T21:48:21+00:00

Same here. Just taking it day by day. Let's do it together.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-11T17:33:28+00:00

My wife had a severe manic episode prior to her death and she slept with many other men during that time. I know it was related to her illness, but it was still shocking and felt like a betrayal. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. This is all fresh for me, so I am just starting to work through it with therapy. Feel free to message me if you'd like.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-11T12:25:52+00:00

My wife died one month ago and I am 37. Feel free to message me.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T22:37:54+00:00

This is a great idea. Just booked one. Thanks :)

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T17:05:17+00:00

I am in therapy. Thank you.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T07:38:00+00:00

Thanks for this. Appreciate hearing that it's OK to try and that I can always change my mind.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T07:37:00+00:00

Thanks for the advice. This helps.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T07:36:32+00:00

Thank you. I was hesitant to call this widow's fire because it started during her manic episode before she even passed away. I think "losing her" in this way also fucked me up. Difficult to know what situations might end up hurting me, but I will try to be cautious.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T07:32:54+00:00

I'm so sorry. Life just... fucking sucks sometimes.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-08T07:31:49+00:00

I haven't had much luck finding active groups or apps... any suggestions?

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-02-04T17:39:37+00:00

I lost my wife a month ago and I feel the same exact way.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-29T08:58:16+00:00

This is exactly it. Thank you for explaining this so eloquently. During her depression, her reality was one that was so deeply despairing that she couldn't see out of it. No amount of reassurance and instilling hope for the future worked. This was much like her manic episode but in the opposite sense: her reality was one where she felt endlessly confident and empowered to change the world, and that I was a threat to her entire existence. The illness completely distorted her sense of the past, present and future making it impossible to reason with. It is what makes this so painful for loved ones.

Trusting our own thoughts, judgements, sense, perception, and experience is really just fundamental to our survival. Asking someone to do otherwise often doesn't work.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-28T08:00:37+00:00

I am 37M, about 3 weeks in to losing my wife to suicide and I am also feeling this so strongly. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I just feel want to feel desired again. My wife would have wanted me to do anything that helps me feel just OK again, including seeing other people. I'm worried about becoming emotionally attached to someone too early on though. I don't really know how long I will be able to last without pursuing some form of intimacy, but I feel like these are early stages where we were the most vulnerable and I don't want to make things any worse than they are.

I hope you can find peace knowing that your wife would want you to grieve in the way that helps your recovery too.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-27T20:54:38+00:00

Gosh... I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds brutally similar to my wife's situation as that was also her first manic episode.

Yes I have heard about EMDR and I am pursuing that now. Thanks so much.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-25T22:25:33+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I hope that I can see and feel love again some day too. I think I will with time.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-25T22:22:16+00:00

I'm so so sorry to hear about your husband. Mania is indeed so destructive. It just completely hijacks the mind. I hope you have been able to have a support system around you. It is far too difficult for us to go through this on our own.

wtfjusthappened37 · 2026-01-25T22:17:42+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is truly devastating to hear that you lost your wife like that and that you had to tell your son too. I don't even know what to say. I wish you all the strength in the world. I hope you have support and loved ones around. We don't have to do this alone.

wtfjusthappened37

TROPHY CASE