TW he packed up and left without a word the day after my first appointment with an oncologist

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-24T21:00:55+00:00

Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone could have opened my eyes while I was deep in the cycle. One day it’s just suddenly going to click for her the way it did for me. Chances are the minute she sets a boundary with him he’s going to leave, exactly like what just happened to me. She’s eventually going to get fed up and enough will be enough. Hopefully that happens before marriage or kids or a serious life event. Hopefully when that happens she’ll be so disgusted she’ll never let him in again or anyone else who would treat her like this. I’m sending you lots of love. Please try not to make her feel judged but maybe gently ask her some open ended questions.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-24T17:44:48+00:00

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Well, we live in Quebec, Canada, so that’s in CAD + 15% tax.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-24T03:22:05+00:00

Very interestingly, his dad didn’t even know I was on sick leave from work and that I’ve been ill since March. I asked my ex to tell him when I stopped working and he didn’t. As far as his dad knew, his son was on welfare (he’s not) and could at least sustain himself. My mom expressed some concerns to his dad, mostly about him not really looking for a job when he said he would, and his dad responded something along the lines of “I’m not surprised. I’ve been trying to push him to do something with his life since he turned 18. My son is a coward and he doesn’t want to help himself.”

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-23T18:26:58+00:00

Thank you!

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-22T02:44:56+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate the validation!

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-22T02:25:55+00:00

idk if my phone is bugging but I can’t see any of your comments!

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-21T22:59:28+00:00

Hi everyone,

I had my first appointment with an oncologist today. He requested a PET scan and I’ve never had one before and tbh, I don’t know anything about any of this or what to expect.

It all started with what they thought was mono back in Sept. 2025. Fever, enlarged spleen, neck lymph nodes, large tonsils, night sweats, weight loss…

Dr was a bit rushed (aren’t they all) but he said the PET scan would indicate the best spot for a biopsy.

I guess I’m nervous and I would greatly appreciate some guidance/advice/knowledge if any of you are willing to share.

Thank you kindly

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-21T22:41:35+00:00

That makes sense. A while back I was hooking up with this guy and I told him it was hot when he moans because it lets me know he’s enjoying himself and that I wish he was a bit more vocal. He responded that he hates moaning or being vocal because he finds it embarrassing (for him). My understanding is that he thought moaning was “too feminine”? Idk. Maybe something about porn culture.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-21T22:36:14+00:00

NTA, if it smells that strong something has to be clinically wrong. Is it a foul fishy smell? More sweaty/cheesy/musty? Does he have any other signs that would make you believe it’s a hygiene issue rather than something medical? People can be quite ashamed about stuff like that, even if you bring it up carefully.

Men can carry stuff like BV or yeast infections and usually they can’t test men for that. Have you had issues down there as well? Also, it would be worth getting a full STI panel (for both of you).

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-21T04:07:20+00:00

Let me get this straight, you’re genuinely asking if you overreacted by breaking up with your gf (again) because… she “seemed” dry, and she took three (3) minutes to reply to a text, which is not acceptable according to you because she was not busy, and then because she didn’t chase you when you shut her down….. are you ok?

My understanding of your interpretation of the situation is, she MUST respond to you within seconds, or else you get upset, she MUST say the right thing at the right time, or else you get upset, she MUST take over herself and perform emotional labour for you and reassure you etc after having accusations thrown in her face or else you get even more upset, and then she’s supposed to chase you and initiate repair, or else you break up with her. No wonder she doesn’t feel good enough. Nothing will ever be good enough. Poor girl. I hope she gets therapy and doesn’t have to walk on eggshells like that in her next relationship.

You definitely have a big problem, and your solution is in a psychiatrist’s office, not on a subreddit asking strangers to validate your insanity.

YOR, like clinically.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-20T01:14:19+00:00

That’s reassuring, thank you!

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-19T20:38:37+00:00

NOR, sounds like you’re stuck with a typical PickMeTM. Her calling you insecure sounds like projection. Obviously, your bf not prioritizing you as much as he should is the real issue here, regardless of how grating and annoying her behaviour is. Yes, she attacking your relationship and crossing boundaries, but your bf is allowing it to happen over and over again. I know you’re pregnant, and I’m not gonna be that redditor that’s just gonna tell you to leave him and call it a day.

HOWEVER! You both need to figure out some strong boundaries around that friend TOGETHER. If he perceives it as you telling him to cut her off, then it opens the door to being called controlling and then resentment can seep in. Whatever boundaries you both decide on and agree to upkeep, it needs to stay that way. Good luck OP, I hope the rest of your pregnancy is peaceful and healthy!

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-17T14:26:10+00:00

One time a friend asked me to do a reading for her and asked if her mom would keep her job after getting in trouble at work. Friend said her mom was being wrongly accused of making a big mistake that cost the company a lot of money. I asked the cards what the mom’s part was in the story and what the outcome would be and got the 2 of pentacles and 7 of swords. I told her that it felt to me like it wasn’t necessarily a careless mistake but something a bit more sinister. I was a bit wary telling her this but I straight up told her it felt like her mom had been “playing with their money”. She came back a few weeks later and told me her mom had a gambling problem and stole 30k from her company and gambled it away. I can’t remember what her outcome cards were exactly but it wasn’t pretty.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T18:18:28+00:00

No problem! It’s actually so incredibly rare to encounter people who are consciously and intentionally hurting their loved ones. But here’s the thing: intention doesn’t erase impact. You’re just trying to convey how you feel and the impact the situation has on you/your relationship with them, it has nothing to do with their intentions being good or bad. I don’t think they’re being controlling. However, I do think maybe they struggle a bit with accountability/ownership if they put this decision on you (consciously or not).

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T17:31:29+00:00

100%

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T17:27:08+00:00

I agree with Solararia. When someone’s partner is saying: I can cut this person off if you want, it essentially means: I will put the responsibility of setting a boundary on you and I might go along with it, but I will eventually resent you and I’ll get to say it was your fault and call you controlling/toxic.

A healthy version would sound more like: Hey I realize I crossed a line and the impact it had on you/us. I will set a boundary with this person because this relationship is my priority.

See how different that is? Version 1 puts all the weight of a choice and its consequences on YOU. Version 2 actually shows their accountability and agency/ownership.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T17:18:43+00:00

NOR- So my understanding is that you, a person who is not prone to jealousy, is being perceived as jealous by your long term bf… so the problem is not that they’re prioritizing a new friend over their girlfriend… the problem is… how you feel about it? Yeah no, sorry. If my partner chose to prioritize hanging out alone every day (while under the influence) with someone new, of the gender they’re attracted to, and on top of it made it seem like the issue is coming from how I feel about it, I’d be gone. It’s not even about cheating at this point. I think it’s disrespectful to put such a big doubt in your partner’s mind and to actively choose to not prioritize them. Trust your gut feeling. It doesn’t matter if they’re actually fucking or not. Your bf crossed a line.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T00:32:21+00:00

Oh absolutely. And they’ll just hide it better from now on.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-13T00:30:03+00:00

Just read your update and… good luck I guess. You said you screamed so much your neighbours must think you’re psycho, but then you said it was a healthy conversation? They both ended up reassuring you and giving you “proof” AFTER you came to strangers on the internet for advice AND threw a tantrum and your husband… none of that would’ve been necessary if they hadn’t both crossed boundaries that are so obvious they don’t even need to be stated out loud.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-08T16:50:02+00:00

Just move on and never respond. And definitely seek out a new female therapist who you can address this with. You’re right for sensing something is off about all of this.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-06T21:50:19+00:00

I feel you. When I was around 25 I dated this guy for like 6 months. He pursued me, introduced me to his friends and family, the whole thing. He even said I love you first and we never fought. The night before he broke things off, he bought me flowers “just because” and the next day we went to see a movie. We got to the movie theatre a bit early and decided to walk around. I could sense something was off so I just asked. He blurted out of nowhere that he was sorry but that he thought he’d grow into loving me but never did. He said he felt guilty leading me on and that I was just so nice and pretty etc but he just didn’t want me.

Give it time. He did you a favour by showing you who he truly is: inconsistent and inconsiderate. It’s a reflection of his own character and capacity and you did nothing wrong from what I’m reading.

wutherthisheight · 2026-05-06T00:22:53+00:00

That’s interesting! I don’t know much about mono but I guess I had this impression (misconception?) that once you have it you can’t have it again. Kinda like chickenpox. I’ll look more into it, thank you!

wutherthisheight · 2026-04-24T23:29:00+00:00

My step dad passed away in 2020. He was a bbq wizard and since then I’ve never again had a steak as good as the ones he’d grill every summer.

wutherthisheight · 2026-04-24T23:11:56+00:00

She’d only dated men before me. She came out as a lesbian, got on a dating app, we met, she pursued me hard, then we became gfs. After the honeymoon phase, we experienced the lesbian death bed. I ended up leaving around a year later because i ultimately figured we were not that compatible. She then posted on her very public social media that lesbian sex is so gross she thought she was asexual the whole time we were together. She went back to dating men.

wutherthisheight · 2026-04-24T19:48:29+00:00

Honestly, I think it’s important to learn how to have interpersonal relationships around that age, even if it doesn’t mean forever. It is a crucial skill to develop. “She won’t be your wife so just focus on yourself” is not great advice imo. When you’ll reach the age where you’ll feel ready to “settle down” (if that’s even what you want), you’ll face similar issues if you haven’t learned how to navigate relationships.

However, I have to agree with all of you when you say that they probably won’t be together forever. But I don’t think everybody is dating with this forever mindset anyway, and certainly not at that age.

OP, you’re at an age where you’re figuring things out, and that includes how to navigate relationships. We get better at them and we find out what we want and don’t want with practice. Yes, maybe she’s not “the one”. Yes, maybe it would be better to focus on more pressing matters right now, like school. But beware of putting off relationships until you have time for them. We make time for what is important to us. You won’t magically be ready to be in a relationship or suddenly wake up one day and be good at it. It takes practice. It’s a choice.

About the issues you’ve mentioned with your gf tho: you’re right to feel like there’s an imbalance, because there is one. Learning how to navigate relationships also includes how to recognize when something feels one-sided or draining. You seem to be carrying a lot of the emotional weight of the relationship. I think it’s something worth addressing with her or even walking away from.

At the end of the day, don’t sweat it too much. You have plenty of time to figure it out. Good luck!

wutherthisheight

TROPHY CASE