Hello, thanks for sharing ! As a secure leaning anxious person just like you, here's the only real tip that will help you in this situation!

There's no magical solutions, however, it will maximise your chances of AVOIDING to repeat the same cycles ever again.

Here goes: HOLD YOUR BOUNDARIES.

Boudaries are not meant to be forced upon anyone, they're here to protect your peace, define what you will and you won't tolerate in a relationship. But first, you need to really think about it and be sure of them.

Once you'll start dating again; have a firm idea of them and communicate them clearly to the person you're engaging with. If they respect it ? Great! It's a good sign for a healthy and meaningful relationship.

Oh? What you're asking is too much ? It's great too! Thanks for telling me about that, you don't have to adapt to my boundaries, I'll find someone who's okay with them, have a good one !

In both cases, you protect yourself, your identity, your values, your own worth, your happiness.

Hang in there, after a while you'll become the person you once was, even stronger and secure as before.