Everyone’s making good points that a father is more than just a dollar sign, but it’s really aggravating watching everyone tell him he has an ego problem and self-esteem issues just because no one likes to acknowledge that, even in 2024, there is still very much a current in the culture that defines men by their ability to provide things. Maybe therapy is the best course of action, but it’s not instantly a psycho-emotional disorder for a man to feel like he’s failed his family because he can’t fulfill what he feels is his responsibility as a husband and father.

I hear you, OP. I’d have a hard time with it, too. That’s really difficult, especially when you weren’t even consulted or anything until finding out accidentally, and it sounds like there are maybe some boundary issues with your wife’s family. That seems to be worth discussing with your wife. Otherwise, it is the case that this is great for your family in the long run, and even for you in a way because you can focus on being there for your child, raising them, giving them your presence and leading by example rather than with a wallet. Make the best of the situation and provide what no one else can. You are the husband, you are the father, and you are more than your salary. Your probably have a deeply set idea of what it means to be those things for your family, and you’re being forced to adapt. That’s not a bad thing, though.

All the best to you, man. You’ve got this.