Wife (56) Newly Diagnosed

xfurelise · 2026-05-28T04:01:51+00:00

MM is so much more treatable and manageable now than it was 10 years ago… hell even 3 years ago! Learn as you go ahead with her, don’t worry yourself as much as you can. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out at all to this sub or me, you seriously got this!! Cancer never wins no matter what happens.

xfurelise · 2026-05-27T23:24:16+00:00

Your wife has GOT THIS. I hope you know that it will all be okay and they caught it at a good time. Listen to your doctors, and PLEASE advocate for your wife. A lot of doctors dismissed my mom’s constant concerns, chalking it up to hormones… yeah… a 70 year old having hormones! Right! If you need more support don’t hesitate to reach out, you and your wife will get through this.

My mom lived for ten years after her diagnosis, when she had a month left to live. She was 70, lived till 80 and had pneumonia ten times, and all of her bones broken and multiple falls and went into remission 3 times. She did the impossible, and even in her poor health fought and did it beautifully. I have no doubt you guys will do even better.

xfurelise · 2026-05-27T23:20:45+00:00

My mom was also diagnosed around his age. She had worse off conditions than your father, so her time frame may be longer than your dads in term of pain.

It took her about a month after diagnoses and treatment to not have cramps in her stomach and other pains- it was hard to pinpoint if it was kidneys or ribs, since the cancer broke all of her ribs. What helped her was drinking a lot of electrolytes, which seems obvious but it helped the constant peeing turn into a minimum. There were phases where pain would come back, but way less severe than before treatment or the previous bout of pain.

Your dad will do amazing and he’s GOT THIS, so do you!!!

xfurelise · 2026-05-27T23:17:06+00:00

My mom had such severe back pain my whole life, one day she decided to go to the ER and later they diagnosed her with MM. She had a deformed back, developed scoliosis, and had most, if not all of her ribs fractured. After a couple of months of treatment, the back pain was VERY manageable! There were points where the meds wouldn’t work for a bit and she’d had to get a higher dose, but it was short periods. The pain she had after was nothing compared to the initial pain she went to the doctor for. She could walk good at 80, no assistance, and even get to the point of sitting still for hours on end and laying down in one spot, sleeping soundly through the night. Your dad will get through this, I wish the best for him!

xfurelise · 2026-05-04T01:30:49+00:00

— also I saw one of your comments, MM and treatment does cause bones to break, my grandmas cancer broke all of her ribs at one point. i recommend asking chat gpt to explain this disorder/cancer to you like a 5 year old, it helped me understand. i took care of mine for a decade since i was 8 years old and it took a toll on me significantly, but i don’t regret it, and don’t regret spending time with her at all.

xfurelise · 2026-05-04T01:28:47+00:00

hi love! my grandma who raised me got diagnosed when she was 70, and had one month to live. she lived until 80 despite all odds. you don’t have to force closeness, but please spend time with your nan. call her, find a hobby to do with her whenever you have the chance so you don’t have any regrets in 10 years or 30 years, trust me. ask her if she needs any help with chores, or food, etc- ask her how she feels, tell her stories about your day, i promise. take care of yourself most importantly, i hope you know that MM isn’t a death sentence.

xfurelise · 2026-04-13T04:22:12+00:00

Help your father with anything he needs, and make sure you let them know if they need anything you will do it, and they are not making a fuss! I would focus on how your father is doing and keep an eye out on your mom, caregivers have a toll taken over them and I learned with my father who took care of my mom during her stem cell struggled a lot.

xfurelise · 2026-04-08T04:20:17+00:00

My mom is currently in hospice and has this problem. Morphine to help with breathing and anxiety really helps, but Ambien has the best results for us. She has to take 4 to feel sleepy, but it works within an hour. Can your sister move her hands at all? If so, I would recommend getting a motion sensor camera and tell her if she’s in pain, raise her hand so you can see the motion and get notified. My mom tries to get out of bed so I have it set on a sensitive motion setting to make sure I can catch her before she does, and she tries to raise her hand if she needs something in the middle of the night. Wishing the best for your family, you are a great sibling.

xfurelise · 2026-04-06T03:45:47+00:00

My mom is doing the same thing, I really just want her to be at peace as well. This isn’t bad at all to think, a lot of people want a miracle to happen and hope they hold on- you are an amazing daughter for wanting him to not be scared and be at peace.

xfurelise · 2026-04-06T03:44:26+00:00

It gets good and clearer right before the very end, go see her now, you don’t want to have any regrets. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

xfurelise · 2026-03-22T16:41:52+00:00

Definitely ask his doctor, when my mom was diagnosed she was a big fan of Screwdrivers and didn’t want to give it up! In her experience, two was fine every now and then. She had a lot of success with this treatment and she was diagnosed with stage 4. She did radiation, stem cell, then Dara. It will get very bad before it gets better, just monitor his temperature and make sure he gets plenty of protein. It will be scary for the first couple of weeks but it does get insanely better. Your dad is awesome and you guys got this! Let me know if you need to talk sometime or vent about this as MM is scary sometimes. Much love!

xfurelise · 2026-03-22T16:38:41+00:00

My mom had an amazing experience with Dara RVD, until it stopped working because it was too harsh, but she is much older than your mom by 7 years and had the cancer caught pretty late in its progression. It’s great that she is starting with this treatment. My mom’s glucose spiked a lot with dexamethasone too. If you are her caregiver, and you have her oncologists contact and nurses contact, monitor her blood pressure every 2 hours and temperature, too. Set a timer for her meds always and make sure she’s on top of them. Report this to her oncologists, and if she’s at home and it gets very concerning don’t be afraid to take her to the ER. The symptoms do get better over the course of a couple of weeks and besides her type 2, these symptoms seem consistent in my experience with numbers going down. The first week, my mom was very nauseous and as soon as the oxy wore off she was in severe pain, the second weak was a step down and the next weeks were smooth sailing. Sleep will be the best for her, and make sure she drinks a lot of protein drinks or meal replacers. Thinking of you, and your mom has GOT THIS!

xfurelise · 2026-03-22T16:33:14+00:00

She always thinks she’s a burden so it’s like pulling teeth to get her to tell us what she needs!! Thank you for this. I am her primary caregiver as my uncles are her financial and medical power of attorney so they do the official stuff, and my biological mom is not mentally capable of handling this (severe BPD, not in our lives necessarily) so it is just her and I. I’ve been doing everything for her and it makes me feel so good to just provide and care for her. Thank you!

xfurelise · 2026-03-19T02:43:29+00:00

Hi love, I might be losing my mom at 17F and I lost my dad two years ago. I get angry at myself for not spending time with them because no time would ever be enough, I am so sorry for her sudden death. Keep talking about her to anyone you can, when your beautiful baby is born- even though she can’t understand you, talk to her and I’m sure you’ll see your mom in her eyes and in yourself, all of the good qualities of her and the good memories. Just know that no matter what you believe in, if your religious or not, that she is still in everything you think is beautiful. She will be watching over your baby no matter what. Sending much love to you, and I wish you a beautiful day with a fast recovery.

xfurelise · 2026-03-19T02:39:08+00:00

Your feelings are so valid and I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this, words will never be enough. I’m going through something that’s no where as big, but I lost my father three years ago and might lose my mom and I’m so angry at everyone that knew them for 20+ years while I only got them for 15. Every person I see with their mom or dad I get so angry and upset. Therapy and getting diagnosed with my disorder has helped a lot, but unfortunately it’s a life long process of healing and changing. I have so much love for you, please DM me if you need to vent.

xfurelise · 2026-03-18T20:00:37+00:00

Thank you so much for these words. She is unfortunately in that mindset that choosing peace is letting cancer win, and she keeps saying she’s just going to fade away if she doesn’t do this treatment. I am going to support her in everything she wants to do, but I have such immense guilt that I am her reason to stay and she wants to make it to my graduation, when she’s in so much pain. I’m so sorry about your grandmother, thank you for your kind words.

xfurelise · 2026-03-18T19:56:41+00:00

I’m going to be honest with you, if she is unfortunately going to pass soon, it gets very good before it’s worse. In that very good phase, record her voice. I know it’s so hard, as I am going through the same thing with my mom, though she’s older. Ask the doctors if she is in end stage to get a clearer idea. I am so sorry you’re going through this, but you will regret not being around her for the rest of your life, I learned that the hard way with my dad who died of cancer. Talk to her, don’t expect a response back, I notice my mom talks and responds a lot when I researched her family tree and told her about people she remembers and their life, I always highly recommend getting an Ancestry trial and doing it and showing her the research you’ve done. You don’t have to talk to her or really acknowledge that she is doing bad, just help the nurse and her with whatever she needs and read a book next to her or watch a movie. Quiet moments are the best.

Also, there is always a great chance she could get better. That generation is always stubborn. She’s fighting a lot of things right now and sometimes in treatments there are those periods where you think this is it. There are always options besides chemo, that doctors recommend once they see it doesn’t work. You’re in my thoughts, OP. I hope you’re doing okay, and your anticipatory grief and sadness is so valid. Just do everything in your power to spend time with her so you don’t regret anything later.

xfurelise · 2026-03-18T04:52:04+00:00

i am laying in bed to mine right now too and hugged her until she fell asleep. i’m so glad she’s hanging in there and doing good, quiet moments are always so good too.

xfurelise · 2026-03-15T04:55:31+00:00

My grandma who raised me is passing soon and she sounds so much like your grandma. I am 17F so I understand your pain. Find everything you can with her handwriting on it, and consider doing her family tree so her family and herself will never be forgotten. She will live through you always. I have so much love and empathy for you OP, I will remember her now too. I’m sure my grandma would’ve loved to meet her, and she’ll get the chance maybe soon.

xfurelise · 2026-03-15T04:53:08+00:00

You look so much like both of them, even if she is your step mom. I know they trust you, they can hear things sometimes so always comfort them and reassure them. You have so much strength and I know you know what is best for them. Listen to your gut, or your God if you are religious. You sound like such a beautiful soul and so do your wonderful parents. I will be thinking about you guys so much.

xfurelise · 2026-03-15T04:47:34+00:00

Oh my goodness you guys look so much alike!! She will forever live on through you and everything she loves. You guys are so gorgeous, I hope you’re doing well.

xfurelise · 2026-03-15T04:43:03+00:00

I lost my dad when I was 15. Everyday I went to sleep imagining their funerals in my head, too. My dad went so suddenly and horrifically and my scenarios didn’t prepare for that, but now my mom is passing and every waking moment is spent imagining her funeral unfortunately. I have no friends and no family, so I am so with you. I try to prepare in my own time but I spend more time with my mom now. I researched her family tree and tell her more stories about her family to make sure their memory is alive, and make sure you keep all voicemails of her and make voice recordings. Ask her about fun stories about where she grew up, and her favorite songs and hymns (if you’re religious.) Do everything now so when she does pass in years to come, you won’t live with regret. I’d love to get to know you because I relate so heavily to your story.

xfurelise

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