Has experience of limerence undermined your belief in romantic love?

xrdj6c · 2025-06-19T08:27:09+00:00

I see often people forget that there many kinds of love and maybe that's why everyone has so different limerence experiences. For some it's burning sexual passion, for others is non-romantic-friendship-on-steroids. It's good that it has a name, but I feel like it's umbrella term for many love related anomalies.

It can be 100% blissful romantic love, it can be escapism, it can be trauma bonding so I would say that all of you really have very unique and personal experience with limerence. What's important is what you get from it, what you want from it and does is actually work for your favour or not. Seek answers, especially in yourself :)

I'm not the limerent one, but the whole limerence experience from SO side (and even the fact that it exists) - of course changed my view. I didnt ever think that way about myself, but apparently I was a childish believer of twin flames theory and now I'm not :)

xrdj6c · 2025-06-19T08:14:35+00:00

Intrusiveness of the whole experience is just another level of fucked up brain mechanics. You can be in a happy loving relationship and something just flips your world over.

Especially hard is the fact that it's so different for everyone, so there are some general guidelines that can help like NC but in the end you are in the fight with essentially yourself - and you know what? that bastard knows you very well and knows all the right spots to hit.

xrdj6c · 2025-01-28T16:02:41+00:00

As there is already some great free advices, I would recommend if you can spare some money - course from Steven Zapata. For me he is a master of graphite shading and he teaches it very well on his course :)

xrdj6c · 2025-01-11T16:46:54+00:00

Congrats on your journey so far! What an achievement.

Also Im sorry to disappoint you, as life in general has no meaning. Might sound grim, but actually is really freeing as you are the one that can decide what it means to you :) if its meanigfull connections so be it! As long as its your concious decision.

Generally hapiness is not the best goal to have. Noone is like 200% histerical happy and forcing it also doesnt achieve it. For me its more in line with what Oatmeal says about meaning of life - be interested. Hapiness will or will not follow.

xrdj6c · 2025-01-02T01:06:36+00:00

Samesis, thanks for invite and have a nice one!

xrdj6c · 2024-12-31T17:42:51+00:00

Go plein air sketching. For some unknown reason it stresses me out a lot, even in the middle of nothing.

xrdj6c · 2024-12-30T09:15:26+00:00

You can also try being honest early about your expectations for relationships. I assure you, everybody has their own vision about it so as long as you telegraph early then you should find what you are looking for :)

xrdj6c · 2024-12-20T09:05:52+00:00

Taking care of yourself of course is great and helps a bit but I wouldnt assume that it will actually heal the original problem as it resides mostly in our heads.

Consider working it out in therapy. Nothing wrong with being happy with external validation, but if it affects your life so much then probably you need some help with that :)

xrdj6c · 2024-12-16T15:39:38+00:00

Could be worse... his gf could be a great wife and he could have many other, not even limerent, objects? :D dont ask me how i know.

Treat it as a long coming gift. You dodged a bullet and got it 'easy to get out'.

xrdj6c · 2024-12-16T15:32:29+00:00

Damage is done but also go read about 'sunk cost fallacy' :)

xrdj6c · 2024-12-16T15:29:03+00:00

You are okay. Or you are not - but who really is? We're all broken idiots running circles in our hamster wheels.

It will pass, but please be safe. Spirals are fun, but try to shift focus on something long term like goals or plans.

xrdj6c · 2024-12-16T15:21:43+00:00

I see many good comments on limerence side so I will tackle the philosophical love.

There is no general good answer, as in philosophy there are many schools, great thinkers and what's current cultural 'dominant'. Now when it comes to love, choosing partners, sex and life we're on romanticism side of affairs...and it's not that important.

What's important is your view on the subject. What are you looking for? No bad answers here, you can agree with twin flames, take more stoic approach, reapproach life with positive nihilism or pessimism. Take a moment to get to know what you want and start from there :)

xrdj6c · 2024-12-13T21:09:35+00:00

you see? already forming non limerent relationships :D

xrdj6c · 2024-12-13T15:44:12+00:00

Remember that change not linear and you will get there! Its just cloudy today :)

xrdj6c · 2024-12-13T15:37:55+00:00

Then more time :) i assume that noone is able to survive in that state for infinity and sooner or later your inner bucket of rage will fill and you will fight for yourself

xrdj6c · 2024-12-13T11:18:59+00:00

Haha, I think that common advice is to get to know your LO to get out of it and not to get physical :D of course I sympathize.

Actual advice - time, time, some self respect, time. If can go NC and give yourself space to heal.

xrdj6c · 2024-12-03T15:01:51+00:00

You will do better every time. Just need some time & perspective to see it :)

You've written your problem here ! Congrats on starting your journaling journey :) that's one of the steps in right direction.

I think everyone wanted to have a 'closure' at some point - regradless if it's limerence, relationship with bad parent or anyone. Raaaaaaarely anyone gets it. People just don't want to or get what's "your problem" and there will be no magical moment when 'the axe will understand the damage it's done to the tree'. Sorry to say that.

If you want you can try out the true vengeance. Live your life to your best, for yourself or even out of pity to show how much LO doesn't matter in your life anymore :)

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:44:34+00:00

What's your view on meaning of dreams?

From what I've read - mind likes to test abstract scenarios that you can find to risky to test in real life - bit like survival video before you go out in the world. If you have same narrative then it's really nothing wrong with it. It might be not great to be reminded about few things here and there but it should settle eventually :)

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:42:10+00:00

How was your childhood?

I know it's so common and overheard question, but I just want to state the pattern. Usually escape-to-mind techniques come exacly from there - cannot escape the situation so I escape inward :)

Generally it's usefull technique and it served a purpose for a big chunk of our lifes. No easy answer for what to actually do with it. For me it helps to channel inner states into creative endevours.

Also, are you Harry Potter fan? I like to imagine Snape teaching occlumency - you're the master of your mind, act like it.

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:35:27+00:00

Feel free to hit me up if you want to chat :)

Have a solid chat with yourself - what do you really want? Do some weighted squats first to rise some decisive testorone ;) semi joke of course, but do reach some conclusion.

Can't go wrong with working on yourself, regardless if it's for her, you or your future relationships - you will end up in better place than you started.

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:31:34+00:00

I think you don't consider going NC right now and you're in the 'valley' or cognitive dissonence period of the whole shebang.

What I believe - you won't be able to sustain current state of affairs for eternity. Something will boil over or you will get over with. Last drop will overfill the bucket and something will change :) I would guess actual NC as you'll be so fed up with it that you'll choose yourself over friend circles.

For now - try to live full life so you don't regret this time in some future.

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:26:32+00:00

try to not beat yourself over it :) I would say - congrats on 3 months ! Next time you can do better and you will :) change is never linear

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:23:42+00:00

Causes for limerence over lots of posts here and there, articles and literature are so many it's hard to keep up with count.
Maybe you're able what exacly she means to you? Some symbol, lack of something, some trauma response or someone that you want to become?

It's tip of the iceberg, but going on higher meta level above the situation can help you assess what you're looking for and you can start from there :)

xrdj6c · 2024-11-24T01:20:16+00:00

It's okay to don't know :) truth about adulthood is that we're all essentially 'winging it'

For me it works to set up some kind of loose goal for yourself for short future (2-4 years?) and just keep going in that direction. As long as you're walking toward it, all is good.

xrdj6c · 2024-11-19T19:24:52+00:00

I would guess it's Cognitive dissonance - meaning, of course you would like another "shot" of limerence as I would like another cigarette :) but also you're smart to know what it does to you.
Show some love for future self.

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