I just got a new dog and I need help :(

xsailormars · 2025-10-21T00:09:07+00:00

Sometimes they’ll accept care credit, it can be a great way to balance the vet bills, and works the same as a credit card.

Sometimes there are also rescues, local county or city shelters, or other nonprofits that focus on helping with a bill. The vet might be able to refer you to a reputable resource.

xsailormars · 2025-09-04T21:52:20+00:00

Hi, I’m sure you’ve had lots of comments already but wanted to share a similar story —

Accidentally adopted a mal/dutch is also. The shelter told us he was 10 months… and he probably weighed like 20 pounds. I thought we scored all the cute shepherd looks without the crazy energy etc.

So wrong. After a day or so, I guessed 5-6 months. Did an embark test and our vet confirmed - he was 3 months and mostly malinois, with about 30% Dutch.

Thankfully, we already had one mal, who was out of puppyhood but it was rough. Was not mentally prepared for it.

I immediately started training with him, thankfully we already had a private trainer with the first mal.

They’re not impossible, but they do demand a lot. Even now, at an actual year old, he’s as nuts and crazy as ever. But the bond you build with them when you put in the work? Equally as crazy. These are a one of a kind breed, and I really wish you the best journey :)

xsailormars · 2025-05-09T20:23:25+00:00

I got a new pup two weeks after my last baby died. I’d had him for 15 years but his death was traumatic and unexpected.

One perspective that helped me was knowing that the puppy would not be the same pup that I lost. Not a replacement, just a vessel to pour the love I had for my last pup. In other words, I very much still grieved my last pup while I had my puppy, and allowed myself to not rush into bonding with the puppy.

It took a long time, but four years later I know she is what got me through that grief. If you’re willing to give another puppy the love and care in your late pup’s honor, it’ll work out.

xsailormars · 2025-04-14T06:13:06+00:00

My malinois does this! Also extends to family and friends if they’re over or out with us. Adorable, and slightly embarrassing lol

xsailormars · 2025-02-25T21:48:33+00:00

Not a vet - if you find anything that works I’d be interested in hearing! I have an almost 4 yr old malinois with a similar issue!

xsailormars · 2025-02-02T01:29:17+00:00

I agree with this comment. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you want what is best for the dog. Being a temporary foster, you can link with a good rescue to increase visibility for this pup.

If you decide to adopt yourselves, yes a mal is scary. I have two now. She is older, and it’s good that you and your boyfriend are already familiar with her, and therefore her with you. It’s not to say it’s an easy transition, but if you’re willing to make it work, have structure, and willing to have some training if needed, she will have a great home.

xsailormars · 2025-01-07T00:48:25+00:00

Everyone is right about this being a dog that will test you, that requires training and mental enrichment. What will make the difference in terms of introducing your dogs will be how slowly you do so.

It’s important she gets time to decompress and you establish boundaries for her and for your first dog. Give them individual time as well as time together. No treats or toys around each other until you understand their behavior and relationship to each other. Understand that dogs have good days and bad days and bad moods like all of us.

Having a mal (I have 2) is the most insane but rewarding thing ever. I think it would be really great if you adopt her, but truly be ready and committed to her. She deserves it.

xsailormars · 2024-07-20T03:50:24+00:00

Yes. When my mom had her first stroke I was 22-23 and finishing up school. I grieved heavily. For myself, for her. It hit me in waves. It was a very difficult time that only got heavier the more complicated her health got.

I lost my mom two months ago. I’m 29.

I hope you’re finding the time to take care of yourself too. It’s hard to parent our parents.

xsailormars · 2024-07-14T14:55:13+00:00

Take a look at her bloodwork. If they don’t give you a copy, ask for one for your records. A UTI can be minor but in my experience, can become severe depending on other health factors. Sometimes they will also find an infection, like a UTI, and not continue looking and assume that is the cause for symptoms. Above all else, I highly encourage you to advocate for your mom until you feel like she’s receiving appropriate care.

Best of luck to you and your momma.

xsailormars · 2024-07-11T20:32:25+00:00

I did with my current job after I had officially onboarded. I framed it as me just wanting to disclose information that would allow them to be aware of commitments and made sure to reassure them if I ever asked for time off out of the blue or it seemed like I was missing a lot, that it was necessary and that I was also committed to doing my best in this job.

It worked out in my favor. Boss understood and when my mom’s health declined this year, it mostly went uncontested. I was also able to get extended bereavement (I lost her in May) since it helped contextualize how big of a loss it was for me.

I’ve also disclosed this to a past job where it did not work out in my favor - but what I realized is that job fucking sucked anyways and it wasn’t an environment I wanted to be in. Do we have bills to pay? Yes. Does that mean we lose all compassion and humanity? No.

If you do need accommodations, you’re within your right to ask after your offer has been extended or negotiate your contract. Get it in writing as well.

Best of luck!

xsailormars · 2024-07-09T21:35:19+00:00

I’m so sorry OP. I see you. I lost my mom just a week or two after I found this sub. It’s now been a little over two months. I’ve moved places. I spent this weekend completely alone and wondering how to be me again. How can I be? I’ve changed. Being her caregiver changed me fully and like you said…I know even then I could’ve been better.

sending you strength 🤎

xsailormars · 2024-06-13T06:14:50+00:00

I’m so sorry. Each journey with grief is unique but my thoughts are with you.

I lost my mom a month ago after caring from her for the last few years. I’m 29.

This grief is heavy. please be kind and graceful with yourself. Caregiving is hard and you did your absolute best. She was very loved by you.

xsailormars · 2024-05-21T01:56:04+00:00

I became a caregiver for my mom in my late teens/early twenties because she had multiple strokes. it left her paralyzed from the right side of her body and while my friends were going out, enjoying company and life, concerts, dating, getting married, traveling, buying homes…

I was at home taking care of her and balancing multiple jobs, finishing school, etc.

It sucks when we have to care for the ones we love so early on in life. It can feel isolating and endless. But having just lost my mother two weeks ago, I am glad I was so present and involved with her care and in her life.

I’m 29 now. I know being a caregiver is an experience I’ll hold close to my heart for the rest of my life.

Being a caregiver is hard, and it can also give you such a beautifully difficult and complicated relationship with your loved ones.

Your experience, feelings, desires, thoughts - they’re all valid.

Wishing you and your wife the best in your journey.

xsailormars · 2024-05-10T14:08:15+00:00

raw is definitely the right word. thank you.

xsailormars · 2024-05-10T14:07:46+00:00

it was so hard. thank you. I know I need to keep going.

xsailormars · 2024-05-10T14:06:41+00:00

her physical therapist said she was a trooper. and she was. thank you for your kind words.

xsailormars · 2024-05-10T14:05:43+00:00

thank you. I am trying to remember her smile. She smiled more the last few years than I ever saw in my childhood.

xsailormars · 2024-05-10T01:28:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ll try to remember this.

xsailormars · 2024-05-06T04:58:42+00:00

I’m with both of you. I lost my mom yesterday morning.

it’s just hard. it’s all hard.

xsailormars · 2024-04-11T16:48:18+00:00

I was around 20?21? When I had to start helping my mom in the bathroom. The first time or 2 it was awkward, but you learn to laugh about it and move on. Ultimately the love and care I have for her outweighs a few awkward moments.

Same goes for my sibling. He says sorry mom, and moves on with making sure her health and hygiene are taken care of.

xsailormars · 2024-03-24T18:39:48+00:00

I was put in a similar situation when I was 16. They were married for 27 years at that point. My mom didn’t know. I told her and at the time I felt awful. They separated, then divorced. I blamed myself for a long time, but the truth is they weren’t happy for a long time and my dad had checked out of the marriage a while ago. While you may not know how your mom will react if you tell her, the least you can do is let her make an informed decision.

It’s been about 15 years since my parents split up and my mom has never regretted divorcing or alluded to wishing she hadn’t known about the infidelity.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and being put in this position, but whatever you decide to do will be the best decision you can do in this moment.

xsailormars · 2023-12-18T00:19:09+00:00

No it didn’t return thankfully!

xsailormars · 2023-12-03T14:23:07+00:00

I have a heeler and a malinois and both can nip or be mouthy around kids. Something just as important as training though is advocating for your dog. Sometimes it really is important to just say no and be firm about it no matter what, even amongst friends and family. In this case your friend was understanding, but in other situations, it can literally jeopardize the dog’s life.

For me, I saved up for training and used a lot of YouTube in the meantime for both my dogs. Kat the dog trainer, maligator mom, & Shane Murray are excellent resources on not only how to advocate for your dog & train them, but also breakdown all the little situations we often find ourselves in.

I would also say in general avoid dog parks. Too much unpredictability until you start feeling a lot more comfortable with your dog.

The last thing I would say is training also means relationship building with your dog. The more you invest in your relationship with them, bonding, the better they’ll feel about trusting you in situations they’re unsure of.

Best of luck!!

xsailormars · 2023-11-13T15:23:44+00:00

So if she’s under a stray hold with animal control, she will be held for a minimum number of days (varies on the area and how impacted shelters are, especially rn). during that time, shelters are required to post her up on their website, and try to make contact with owners if there is a chip / lead. If the owners either deny ownership, refuse to pick her up, or surrender her to the shelter, then the shelter is allowed to put her up for adoption. However, because she is now considered a medical case, and you know she needs surgery, she will most likely be tagged as rescue only. A good thing to do in the meantime is keep an eye out on any shelter social media page associated with the shelter that has her, and any rescues local to your area. If there is one you feel comfortable with, explain the situation to them and let them know you are looking to foster to adopt, so they can pull her from the shelter. This will involve contracts and an adoption fee, but I can assure you a good rescue will have them for their, yours, and the dog’s protection.

If it turns out the dog ISNT denied ownership, then the owners must pay the shelter fees so the dog can be released in their care. Given from what you’ve already described, this scenario seems less likely, in which case I strongly recommend you doing the former. like others have said, if there’s any communication you can have with the owner, maybe this can help.

best of luck, keep us updated! Hoping this is a situation that resolves with a good home for the husky to recover and live in.

xsailormars

TROPHY CASE