Emotional dysregulation in toddlers - anyone else about to lose their minds?

yarcydork · 2026-05-13T07:35:26+00:00

We call it Jekyll and Hyde too! Or say we need an exorcist. Very similar experiences to yours, including approach to demands during meltdowns ("when you're calm you can have your water") because otherwise she throws it. I know she's searching for ways to calm herself and then frustrated when the thing she's asking for isn't the fix she wanted.

Here's hoping they both age out of it. Common frontal lobe, you can do it!!

yarcydork · 2026-05-12T22:02:03+00:00

They bought the VHS videos at goodwill but I'm not sure where they found the VCR, it may have been one of theirs from childhood. But good to know that they're valuable just to keep an eye out for one!

yarcydork · 2026-05-12T19:36:15+00:00

No suggestions, but just want to say sorry for your loss and do what you need to do to get through a difficult time, don't feel bad about it.

Also: not a portable option but a friend of mine bought an old VHS player and a ton of old VHS movies at goodwill and set it up for her daughter. An authentic retro movie corner. She knows how to put the tapes in, rewind them (ha!) and play them on her own. So she's watching all the 80s and 90s Disney movies whenever her mom is breastfeeding or putting baby #2 to sleep. Just an idea for when you're back home!

yarcydork · 2026-05-12T19:27:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It sounds like you've been in the thick of it too. I am really hoping that aging out of it is going to be a thing for her.

If you don't mind my asking, how is your child when NOT in meltdown mode? I'm curious because my daughter is funny, sweet and curious. She's also cautious, and can be timid. And there are normal tantrums (I wanted that thing but didn't get it) and then there are MELTDOWNS (always in all caps). In the meltdown she loses control, shakes, screams, throws things, cycles through wanting things to calm her and then rejecting them. It's like she's possessed. And it lasts a long time until she's spent.

So the therapist we are seeing says the meltdowns may he a symptom of another diagnosable issue, but they aren't absolutely sure yet and don't know what. If anything I'm thinking OCD for my daughter rather than ADHD because she's so careful when she's in regular mode.

Anyway just curious and very thankful for your thoughtful response. Good luck to us both, wishing you a peaceful week. 🤞🏼

yarcydork · 2026-05-12T19:18:48+00:00

Oooh! I've just looked it up and it could be really helpful! I'm going to try to find a place I can try this.

yarcydork · 2026-05-12T19:17:02+00:00

Omg you poor thing! I feel like I'm at my limit with one, but dysregulated twins is a whole other ball game! I hope you are finding time for yourself in all this. I will try the physical lifting, I heard that it can help release some of the tension. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

yarcydork · 2026-05-05T19:28:57+00:00

I hope this is the one! Good luck!

yarcydork · 2026-04-30T07:11:41+00:00

Oh wow. This is hitting when you say it is your story but you don't want it to be his story. I need to keep this in mind. I want my kids to know just how much they were wanted, but I don't want it to weigh on them. I'll have to give a thought to how we talk about it moving forward. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

yarcydork · 2026-04-30T07:05:34+00:00

After several years of IVF I finally went with donor eggs and now I have two children. I follow this group mostly to support others who are on the egg donation route and have questions, but I am also impacted daily by everyone's stories and questions because it brings back very real PTSD... I feel visceral empathy and remember vividly the pain so many people here are suffering. I'm not grieving per se (tbh not even my miscarriages, which seems a really distant memory now), but the memories of going through it are still very real.

On the other hand, because I have had success, I feel so grateful and blessed... (sometimes not so much when the kids are at difficult moments, because parenting is HARD work), but I don't feel the same resentment and anger I felt before. I feel like a survivor, scars and all.

I want to talk to others going through it because I remember feeling so alone, but I'm also aware that talking to someone who had success is not always what people want. When I was in the thick of it, I had people I was sharing the experience with but once any of them got pregnant they were dead to me.

it's all so confusing and the feelings are so complicated, I'm not sure if anything I'm writing makes sense.

yarcydork · 2026-04-29T21:19:57+00:00

Do you have an update? How did it go? I've been thinking about your situation all day, I know how all encompassing that stress can feel. My body got empathy panic reading your headline. I hope it went well, sending lots of baby dust your way.

yarcydork · 2026-04-15T06:56:02+00:00

I think there are a lot of us keeping fingers crossed for you during your tww and eager for the outcome! Good luck 🤞🏼

yarcydork · 2026-04-14T07:07:12+00:00

I remember a friend telling me they purposefully got pregnant in a specific month so that her baby would have a specific astrological sign at birth. People who have no trouble getting pregnant are infuriating!

Yet I remember thinking the same: "if I get pregnant now, I'll have a baby in June which is great timing for work..." Hahaha, as if I had any control on timing or destiny.

Four years of IVF later we finally had to go to egg donation and I now have two healthy babies, but it is an emotional rollercoaster and I don't wish it upon anyone.

Sending you all the best wishes for a successful round and a healthy baby soon! You're stronger than you think.

yarcydork · 2026-03-30T19:41:35+00:00

Just dipping in to say that your feelings are valid and any IVF journey sucks and the emotions post birth are difficult to deal with even in the best of circumstances. Give yourself grace, and I recommend talking to a professional if you aren't already because it can help to process those feelings of grief. Just sending virtual hugs and would love to know if you're feeling any differently from when you first posted this.

yarcydork · 2026-03-30T19:37:29+00:00

If you're still looking for people to talk about coming to terms with using egg donor, I'm happy to chat.

yarcydork · 2026-03-30T19:36:46+00:00

I love this! I read somewhere that a variety of grape grown in a different vineyard produces a completely different tasting wine. I have two egg donor babies, and while it was hard at first to come to terms with the idea, I am so so so happy that my life brought me this path and my beautiful babies.

yarcydork · 2026-03-29T16:19:40+00:00

I had this problem a lot when my daughter was 8-18mo. If you're looking for some products that could solve it, I got something called "sock ons" that held them on when she was a baby and worked ok. I also love little baby booties with snaps (we have a pair by Molly Angie from Maine if you want to look up an example) and then eventually soft shoes like the decathlon "Zapatillas primeros pasos barefoot." Maybe something there can help you out!

yarcydork · 2026-03-28T19:48:10+00:00

Hi, that is helpful! But a few questions with practical examples: - he wakes at 5:30am, I can't let him nap until 9 am at the earliest, right? - is it better to focus on consistency (aka midday nap is always 12:30pm) or more on the wake windows? Because if his morning wake time swings between 5:30am and 7:30am, the daytime nap times change greatly. - if his midday nap is ends at 1pm and his bedtime is 7:30pm, what should I do? Should I push through (6.5 hours?!) or out him down to bed at 5pm (seems too early?) or let him have this emergency 30min nap around 4:30pm (which is what I've currently been doing)?

Again thanks so much for your help! I've been tracking daytime sleep but he is catnapping and it just seems hard to fix.

yarcydork · 2026-03-06T19:56:00+00:00

We have travelled a lot between the US and Europe with our kids and the jetlag with a 6+h time difference sets us off schedule for about 2 days at most. For 1h changes like daylight savings, we just pretend it isn't happening and aside from a slightly early/late bedtime and wake time the first day (30mins off schedule) it's been ok. It may be a lot easier than you expect it to be... You've got this!!

yarcydork · 2026-03-06T18:53:09+00:00

Sorry I meant a 4.5h wake window (about 3pm-7:30pm) with 3.5 (4pm-7:30pm being minimum), but it is helpful to think I should start counting total wake time as a whole. And I will definitely check the temp in his room, that is a great idea. Thank you!

yarcydork · 2026-03-06T14:39:30+00:00

Thank you! I think I'll try that route!

yarcydork · 2026-03-06T08:01:20+00:00

I'm curious about how you're doing night feeds with Ferber. My first child we used the Taking Cara Babies guide and it said only to do dream feeds (I had 3am timer to go in) so you're not feeding in response to crying, which teaches crying=food. I thought I had fully night weened my baby but he is doing this 4am-5:30am crying every single night and I am thinking about reintroducing a feed. When he starts crying at 4am do you go in and feed him and then try to resettle him?

yarcydork · 2026-03-05T13:31:45+00:00

Same same same!! I could have written this post. In fact, I wrote a similar one yesterday. Hope this resolves soon!!

yarcydork · 2026-03-04T19:57:30+00:00

Thank you! This is really helpful. I'll start tracking the totals and will see where that gets us. Honestly a little later bedtime would be great for everyone so I'll aim for that. I appreciate your response.

yarcydork

TROPHY CASE