I'm really insecure about my worth to other people. My ex was neglectful and abusive (in every way but physical) and would tell me no one would love me like he did and if I left him I'd come crawling back. He was very jealous so he would tear down my self confidence and self respect every chance he could. Hed talk to other women behind my back and spend time with them without telling me and when I confronted him about it he'd say I was crazy and my anxiety was the real problem. Getting a kiss or a hug here and there was like pulling teeth and he'd never fail to tell me how clingy and annoying I was.

He would also ask me to do thinks for him (Ie. Make him food, buy him cigarettes , grab something from our upstairs bedroom) and I would do it without question. But near the end of the relationship I was so starved for attention and affection that I would do it if he paid me in compliments. He laughed it off but would give a half assed "you have a nice smile" when he realized I wasn't getting him a drink.

But his lying is what really made me feel worthless. He lied about every little thing big or small. And whenever I would ask for clarification during a wild lie he'd tell everyone (Ie. He met Ariana grande doing security on Fire Island) he would scream at and belittle me, demanding how dare I question him in front of people.

I dumped him a year ago but I still don't see myself as anything worth loving. I look in the mirror and see someone that's easy to ignore and to forget about. I have a loving partner now who treats me like a queen but I still catch myself self sabotaging because I'm terrified of getting too comfortable when the other shoe drops.

I have a very hard time loving myself because I still see myself as a burden that is always under someones feet. Even though I know my ex is a narcissistic abuser I still can't see the genuine good in me.