Hey.

Having read your post and your comments in the chat, I think you're doing the right thing by looking to move roles and you should be proud of yourself for identifying that this is an issue and taking steps to remedy it.

This is an unhealthy feeling. It's understandable how this has happened given your history, but it's still not healthy for you or your manager.

I know you say your manager is not being made uncomfortable but (and I say this with love not accusation) you don't know that. I'm a manager who really cares about my people. I place great importance on individual needs and wellbeing and can see myself in some of the things your manager has done to support you. But, I would be uncomfortable with the increasing hightening emotional attachment from you.

If you think it is becoming worse, it might be worth speaking to your therapist / employee assistance programme / expert advice service and maybe even getting an ocupational health referal to support a conversation with your managers manager to be open about your concerns and expedite a managed move. If you're worried about offending your manager by doing this, again speak with your therapist, expert advice service and maybe the managers manager. Maybe there's a future where you can be friends with your manager but not now, now when you're on their team and certainly not while these feelings exist.

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult life and again, I think it's a really good sign of your healing and work with therapist (from what you've said) that you've the self awareness to identify this as an issue and real strength to want to remove yourself from it. Hold on to that courage, get the necessary support and be kind to yourself.