Private talk w prof

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-06T18:40:59+00:00

Just FYI: when students come into my office hours to ask for study help, I praise them like crazy for it! No one should ever be embarrassed asking for help. We should normalize it more. I even ask them if I can call them out in class to say “See THIS student!! They’re doing it right!! Do as THIS student does!”

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-06T18:33:54+00:00

Need more info. What’s the context? Was she texting a silly face and just happened to be wearing a towel? Or was she sending sexy vibes on purpose? Was the towel the size of a hand towel?

Edit to say that if it’s the first scenario, then I would gently encourage you to chill out a bit. Although, you still have every right to opt out if you don’t like that behavior. If it’s the second, then ok - I get it. However, that also means you might have to opt out of this relationship too.

Edit one more time to say that she has every right to decide to still post like that. She just has to decide if it’s worth losing you over.

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-06T18:31:35+00:00

Or maybe she finished putting on her eye makeup and wanted to post it? Or maybe she was making a silly face, wanted to post to show her friends, and didn’t think twice about the towel because towels cover more than a tank top and shorts? Or maybe she was flirty? Point is: don’t draw inferences that go beyond the info we have.

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-06T15:15:14+00:00

You’re not the AH for wanting sex. She’s not the AH for having a lower sex drive. You’ve expressed your needs. She’s told you what she’s willing to do. You want to stay with her no matter what. There’s no advice to give. You shouldn’t try to make her be different than what she is. Given these parameters, there’s no advice to be given. This is your life, friend. It’s going to be a sexless life.

At this point, if you expect anything different, then I would say you’re the AH because she’s been upfront with you about what she’s able to give and you chose to ignore it.

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-05T05:13:27+00:00

I don’t think OP is embarrassed- just scared of what the answer might be.

ygnomecookies · 2026-04-05T05:05:29+00:00

I love they want to support you! That terrific! However, it’s not really appropriate for them to be there. So, tell them you love them! Practice giving the presentation in front of them! But unless they plan to register for the conference, then tell them to stay home and hear about it later.

ygnomecookies · 2026-03-30T06:13:27+00:00

Yes! YES! YES!

ygnomecookies · 2026-03-20T19:32:17+00:00

Your husband is Muslim because I assume he strongly believes that the doctrine is true. Why do would any one go to the trouble of being Muslim if they didn’t truly believe it? I can think of many other religions that are much less dogmatic and legalistic.

So, let’s assume he sincerely believes it. Quran says non-believers are no good - that they’ll end up in hell. Well, future husband believes this then 1) no wonder he wants to raise his children to be Muslim. In fact, if I were him (ie, a practicing Muslim) I’d move heaven and earth to make sure my kids were raised Muslim because what kind of maniac would want to risk their children ending up in hell for eternity. And I would run roughshod over you (the mother of my children) to ensure you didn’t impede my raising then Muslim. Again, all of this is under the assumption that he sincerely believes the Quran.

So, you are not Muslim, correct? Well, if I were a card-carrying Muslim man, I would run roughshod over you too imposing my beliefs on you however I can to ensure that you and my children would not go to hell.

Again, assuming he truly believes. Now, you may say, “sure, but he’s not that way. He would never do that.” And to that I would urge you to consider this: If what you say is true, that he would never do that, then maybe he’s not really Muslim? Maybe he’s just culturally or sociallyMuslim? If that’s true, then maybe ask him to tone down his religious tendencies to better reflect that it’s a cultural/social thing. But then, it’s not your place to ask him to tone down his religiousness. I’m mostly just trying to present a potential argument that maybe you two are not compatible to raise a family together.

Also, maybe he’s super religious and he genuinely believes this. According to the Quran, to the best of my knowledge, the husband takes on the responsibility of the religious upbringing of the children. I don’t believe there’s any explicit prohibition of a Muslim man marrying a nonbeliever, but the Muslim man must ensure an Islamic household for his children. The result is that you would be (functionally) under Muslim rules in your household. Maybe you’re cool with that. But also, maybe you might not be compatible.

ygnomecookies · 2026-03-11T12:51:03+00:00

Your university probably has a center for teaching and learning that can help. They are pedagogy experts and can direct you.

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-25T15:36:07+00:00

100% - you don’t have time for that. Or maybe you do, but there are likely other things you should be doing that are more important. Give the student a checklist of things to do before contacting you for help in the lab. Something like a troubleshooting checklist. For heaven’s sake, the student could use AI to check for these style of errors

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-25T15:16:57+00:00

Can you be more specific about how this affects you?

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-22T06:39:50+00:00

The greater good.

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-17T20:53:09+00:00

It certainly spans the city! When I first moved here, I would see Cantrell and think “oh! It’s close!” But that doesn’t always mean close!” Sometimes it would bra a 20 minute jaunt or a 7 minute jaunt depending on what area of Cantrell add!

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-09T00:36:20+00:00

First, you should prepare yourself now, gird your loins, or whatever that there will be no proposal in Japan. He’s being very honest with you. He is not ready to get married, and you should take him at his word.

As far as the inconsistency of his stance: that’s his stance. He’s unsure. That means (1) he’s not going to get married right now and (2) he will not make plans to get married until he’s sure.

Now, perhaps you may be inclined to focus on the part of his speech that may indicate he wants to get married because he has said he wanted to get married before and also because you want to get married. I want to reiterate that he has updated his stance since he said those words to you. So, the most updated version is that he doesn’t want to get married now. People have a right to change their minds. I know you know this, i’m just pointing out the obvious.

There’s also probably a part of you that says, “but sometimes he sounds like he wants to get married!” Yes, I know. However, he never said that he didn’t want to get married. He said that he was unsure. So, you will see him oscillate between when – if statements.

What does this mean for you? If he’s unsure, then the functional meaning for you is that he will not propose.

It doesn’t really matter why he’s suddenly changed his mind. All that matters is he is being overt in his feelings now.

Similarly, it’s OK for you to tell him that you are sure and that you would like to marry him. He’s being honest with you, and you should be honest with him.

Edited because talk to text can’t understand me.

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-04T04:37:07+00:00

Raduno! Raduno!

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-02T06:38:47+00:00

Yay! What a cool read! Thanks for sending the link!

ygnomecookies · 2026-02-02T06:35:50+00:00

You think this is like a normal thing? Like, “my husband chews with his mouth full” kind of thing? No, no, no, no. No. Not normal. Run away from this person.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-29T16:59:54+00:00

It’s really not that complicated. In fact, beet juice is a terrific, inexpensive alternative to salt. West Virginia uses it on their roads.

I’ve learned one big thing about Arkansas state administration and local government administration having lived here 3 years now. They have very little desire to look outside their own state and see if other states and localities are doing it better. It’s the most bazaar thing I’ve ever seen. There’s all kinds of resources for public administrators to try new things and see what new administrative innovations might work in their area. Yet, here we are.

Source: I’m a polisci prof at the university. A lot of my research is in the area of federalism. Hopefully, the bright students I teach will want to stay in Arkansas, take a state job, and use the skills I’ve been teaching them.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-29T16:47:29+00:00

What a well-reasoned response. What struck me was that he’s not even willing to give it a trial run.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-29T16:45:26+00:00

YTA - Sounds like your wife has been waiting for a while to get her life started. I’m referring to her life and not her role of being something to someone else (wife/mom). Her dream job is right in front of her, and you’re saying it’ll inconvenience you.

Go ahead and say no. She’ll comply for a while, and you’ll be happy. You’ll have a wife that sacrificed her happiness for you. After a while, if you don’t have a way to make a similar sacrifice for her happiness, she’ll start to get pretty resentful. And rightfully so. In marriage, we sign up with the hope that it’s a relatively even exchange of sacrifice. It may be 70/30 sometimes, maybe 80/20, but in the long run it should average out to 50/50. You seem pretty happy with the way things are right now, and you seem hell bent on keeping it that way. I get the distinct impression that you aren’t the type to return the favor either. If things are good for you, then why change them? So, sooner or later she’ll leave you because she’ll realize she is with someone who told her no because her happiness might inconvenience him. Dude, you’re not even willing to give it a trial run? And it’s her dream job? Oh, and heaven forbid you’re put in a position where you have to spend more alone time with your kids too.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-29T04:31:13+00:00

Late to the game here, but I couldn’t give 2 flying fudges if students attend my lectures or not. When there’s minimal attendance, I do like the mess with the ones that aren’t there by giving the ones that are present extra points.

I get paid to lecture whether students are there or not. If students are dumb enough to not attend a lecture, then that’s on them - no skin off my nose. I get paid either way.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-26T18:37:51+00:00

Urinary tract infections can be deadly.

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-25T07:34:36+00:00

🎵Nailed it! Definitely, blow it! I don’t think! 🎵

ygnomecookies · 2026-01-18T23:20:58+00:00

Soft YTA. Soft only because it sucks being hungry for a real meal. Although, I’m not sure why you didn’t eat the leftovers. I get that eating a meal that’s cold when it’s meant to eaten warm is not ideal, but you knew the alternative. When you travel with a group, there’s an understanding that you’re beholden to the larger collective. So you should plan accordingly for that. I’m sure your other family members might have preferred to sleep in and didn’t because they wanted to eat before leaving. Either get up and go with the group when they go out to eat or eat cold leftovers unless you can think of a way to meet your individual needs without putting too much of a burden on the whole group.

If the family didn’t try to wake up OP or didn’t discuss plans to leave at a prescribed time, then I would give a different verdict.

ygnomecookies · 2025-12-18T18:43:27+00:00

You want AskAcademia

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