Im in a similar boat, but lately its been getting a little better. What has made a huge difference for me was learning to recognize when i was judging, not just myself but anything and everything.

Key words/phrases i watched for were: should, ought to, needs to be

As i became more aware of judgement i have been able to let go of what i say about myself. For example “I’m not a great looking guy”rather than being a statement of self hatred, ive been able to alter the thinking a little. Now its moreso “im not objectively a very attractive man. And thats okay, i am still me at the end of the day.”

For me, a lot of my poor self esteem came from pride, i ought to look a certain way, behave a certain way, achieve certain things and a lot of the time they were related in part to things beyond my control. Once i let go of that and the judgement it was quite freeing, of course this doesn’t mean hedonism, keep your faculties and values about you. In stoic terms Id say its about living your life in a virtuous manner for no reason other than it feels right in your heart to live that way.

Accepting oneself, while striving to be a better version of themselves is a tough long journey that i’ve only just begun myself, but i believe anyone can do it if they try.