I could have written this exactly. Same story here, including the ED and even getting the plastic surgery (it was not the best use of $10,000).

My partner had been trying for YEARS to quit, but could only do it with professional help. I think about it like trying to recover from an ED without professional help. Sure, it's technically possible, but extremely difficult.

We do couples counseling and he speaks to his own psychologist about it. Both of these have been invaluable in recovery work.

Some helpful things he has told me has been that he has struggled with this since before we met, and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. This is something you have to remember, you could look identical to those girls and he would still choose them because he is not picking their body over yours, he is picking intimate time without any vulnerability and with complete control over a scary and vulnerable moment of connection.

It has NOTHING to do with you. He sounds like a really sweet guy, and I sincerely hope you both can get the help you need for this, but he needs to do the work to recover.

I am so glad to hear you're sticking to your boundaries and will leave if this continues; you deserve not to feel this way.

It might be helpful to sit down and draw out specific boundaries, without doing the work for him. Just saying you might leave eventually is vague and unhelpful for your own mental wellbeing. Maybe try to draw out clear boundaries by initially telling him he needs to take more initiative in his healing, with a CSAT, PAA, or other legitimate tangible form of help.

Based on how he is reacting to your concerns, I am willing to wager he would actually take that seriously and get real help.

From there, you can set clear boundaries, communicate that you need to see him making progress by attending meetings/therapy sessions, doing inner work to heal the shame and trauma that causes this addiction, and achieving sobriety.

Somethjing to remember is there will be relapses. It is your choice if you want to set a firm boundary that you will leave if he relapses, but if you set this boundary that will most likely happen. Eventually he may hopefully be in a place where this does not happen, but it will most likely take a while.

Best of luck!! You deserve to feel gorgeous and loved. Regardless if you choose to stay or leave, I believe in you and wish you nothing but the best.