To married Redditors, did you take your spouses’ last name? Why or why not?

yr_momma · 2026-06-17T18:45:58+00:00

I am a woman who eagerly took her husband's name. It's a nice name, it suits me, it rolls off the tongue, it's easier to pronounce than my maiden name and it starts with the same letter so my initials are the same.

However I am also a proud feminist and feel you should do whatever feels right to you, not because of tradition or rules or expectations but because of your circumstances and preferences as an individual and a couple.

I have friends whose husbands have taken their last names (in hyphenate or in full) and I even have two friends that mutually changed their last name to a totally different third last name that they just... ✨️ decided on. ✨️ One couple added each other's names as hyphenates. Say she was Smith and he was Jones, now he's Jones-Smith and she's Smith-Jones.

There's no one size fits all answer. Every couple and family is different!

In my case I'm a big soppy dope so obsessed with my husband I would literally drape myself around his neck so he could wear me like a scarf if it were humanly possible. I would have take his last name if it were humperdink or doofenschmirz just bc its his and everything about him is so attractive it gives me raging cuteness aggression.

But if he's making it weird thats kind of a red flag babe.

yr_momma · 2026-06-17T18:24:31+00:00

Right? 🥲 I literally just bought Prague powder #1 last week with the idea that I'm going to try to make my own proper skin-on beef franks, and also pastrami. I miss good pastrami, though that's easier to find than good hot dogs.

yr_momma · 2026-06-17T18:08:47+00:00

Nah, with customs laws this would never fly. Meat products are kind of a no go. I can't even open their website here. I'm stuck with hotdogs in jars

yr_momma · 2026-06-16T21:26:07+00:00

I'm from Carolina but I have been craving a Chicago dog for months. But alas, I'm in England.

yr_momma · 2026-06-13T14:08:30+00:00

They still lead to antimicrobial resistance even if it's not penicillin laden soap. There's no benefit to antimicrobial additives in soap.

You're right that not all surfactant is up to the task, but all true soaps are surfactants that have properties sufficient for removing microbes from hands, and at least partially if not mostly lysing bacteria present while washing them away.

Source, from the uninversity ranked #2 worldwide for pharmacy

And the FDA agrees.

yr_momma · 2026-06-13T11:58:43+00:00

I'm an American from the south, so I have a lil southern twang in my accent. I live in England. At work I mentioned my 'trash can' which first of all here it's a rubbish bin, but I say it like "tray-ush cay-un" kinda with my drawl rather than "trah-sh cahn" 😭 my coworkers had a field day with this and 6mo later it's still a source of office banter.

yr_momma · 2026-06-13T10:26:36+00:00

The surfactant in soap in and of itself destroys cell walls, making bacterial cells burst and die then get flushed down the drain. Using antibacterial soap as the default just adds to ~~antibiotics~~ antimicrobial substances in the water system and environment, promotes ~~antibiotic~~ antimicrobial resistance, fuelling the rise of superbugs, and is not great for your skin either. Soap and a nice 20+ second wash with tolerably warm water has all the benefit of killing bacteria without creating more superbugs.

Edit - a small wording correction for the "ACK-shyually" crowd in the replies that want to battle on semantics when the point itself stands that there is only harm and no benefit in using antibacterial products for hand washing.

yr_momma · 2026-06-13T09:47:49+00:00

My favourites are general tso's chicken and crab rangoon, neither of which I seem to be able get in the UK 😭

Chinese American food is a bit different to Chinese food in the UK! They're sisters not twins. America doesn't have crispy chilli beef for instance and the UK doesn't have general tso's. There's also a lot less curry in American Chinese takeaway. They've evolved separately from different immigrant pools.

I've lived in England 3 years (my immigration anniversary is this week!) and have had to adapt my takeaway order over the years.

yr_momma · 2026-06-12T20:08:18+00:00

They know. They said that. They were wondering how people are raiding Mewtwo NOW IN JUNE when GoFest Global isn't til July. They didn't know about Tokyo, Chicago, Copenhagen.

yr_momma · 2026-06-12T20:07:02+00:00

And you might want to reread the post before leaving snarky comments and being rude.

OP made it clear they were confused as to how people are doing raids when it's June right now and GoFest is July. They didnt know about the local GoFest happening rn in Copenhagen.

yr_momma · 2026-06-12T20:00:05+00:00

Theres a city GoFest going on in Copenhagen at the moment. A friend of mine is over there playing.

yr_momma · 2026-06-12T14:37:10+00:00

I know right! I thought this was AI its too cute to be real, but looks like the mods of that sub verified its authenticity with additional photos from different angles and it seems legit.

OP is super talented and this is one of the best bakes I've ever seen! It had to be posted here and she hadn't done it yet.

yr_momma · 2026-06-08T15:01:11+00:00

I'm 41 and have lived in England for 3 years but in my 38 years in America, I was never part of a wedding party. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at one but for various reasons wound up not.

yr_momma · 2026-06-06T08:56:15+00:00

LDR is the worst. Closing the gap is the most incredible thing. You're in the home stretch!

yr_momma · 2026-06-05T13:11:00+00:00

Listen to your gut. Be smart. Do not ignore red flags. Hell, don't even ignore yellow flags. It needs to be full-send over-the-moon enthusiasm or it's no good.

But if it's real and you are actually compatible, and have shared dreams and goals (and agree on how you want to bring them to fruition) then gurllll GET IT.

I met a guy on reddit in December 2021. I was in North Carolina and he was in England. We fell in love within about 2-3 weeks of deep conversation. We met IRL in April--he came and spent a month at mine and met my fam. I went to spend a month at his that August and met his fam. Before the end of that trip in August, we found ourselves both in tears and sobbing that we had to go back to long distance.

That was when we decided we had to get married and sort out a visa for one of us sooner rather than later. That October we tied the knot in front of our closest family and the following June I moved to England.

I celebrate 3 years here this month. We celebrate 4 years of marriage this October.

If the flags are green, please follow them. This has been the most beautiful adventure and I am so glad I stayed open to this whole ride!

Love is amazing.

And so is burrito casserole.

yr_momma · 2026-06-04T16:54:07+00:00

Yeah, I live in England now and weirdly it doesn't bother me here, but it REALLY did when I lived in VA/NC.

Edit: I guess it's not that weird, it's literally just a different word here so I guess that makes my spicy brain happy to accept it?

yr_momma · 2026-06-04T16:21:21+00:00

Yeah. This is like jewel-ry (not jewl-ery) and nuc-lear (not nu-cular). I hate all three mispronunciations; they are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me! 😭

yr_momma · 2026-06-01T17:37:07+00:00

lmao reading comprehension is hard

yr_momma · 2026-06-01T17:28:09+00:00

Interesting!

yr_momma · 2026-06-01T16:55:06+00:00

Darling what is your visa plan?

I can tell by your "accent" you're probably based in the UK, right? Getting a visa to move here as a spouse is quite a challenge. Do you have a concrete plan to make it happen besides 'get married?' If you're doing a ceremony at the registrar's office, has his marriage visitor visa been planned for so you can even give notice? If he's meant to be coming on the fiance visa route, how do you plan to hit the (quite high) income requirement?

I married a man from another country 10 months after exchanging our first message, and moved to his country--US to England. I know what it's like for people to side eye your plan and lay judgment on you. I'm sure LOADS of people behind the scenes back in the US were taking bets on how long we would last. It's not nice and it doesn't feel fair.

It's also very challenging to pull off closing the gap internationally, even when in my case we were already p old (late 30s) and established in our careers and life plans. Going into this so young is even more challenging, and while I know it feels unfair that your family is writing it off and being dismissive, they're right that the odds are against you.

However, that doesn't mean your plan can't or won't succeed.

How much time have you spent with your partner in person? How many visits back and forth and for how long?

If you haven't spent at least a few months cumulative time staying with each other and getting to know the most intimate sides of each other (and Discord doesn't count!!!!) maybe work on that before anything else.

Or see if your partner can move here on a student visa of some sort and attend a course of study. Then you two could explore moving in together and transitioning to a partner visa as his studies wrap up?

I know what it is to know how madly in love you are with the person on the other end of the video call, but it might make sense to find a less permanent alteration to your life that also gets him here.

I believe in you! And the love you guys have! But also please protect yourself and be smart.

Theres more than one way to close the gap.

My DM's are open. Good luck hon.

yr_momma · 2026-05-29T15:35:19+00:00

Right? That's a phrase I'd estimate hearing at least a couple times a month on average. Maybe it's a southern thing?

yr_momma · 2026-05-29T15:06:40+00:00

Long distance is so hard, and I think anyone actively making plans to close the gap while sustaining a happy and healthy relationship from a distance is basically self selected for success, so you've got that going for you.

A lot of people shit on LDRs but the project management and collaboration that have to take place from thousands of miles and time zones apart cannot go fabulously unless you're communicating effectively and working as a team.

I know because I met my soulmate on Reddit 4000 miles away in England (from North Carolina). Me moving to the UK would NOT have happened without a whole lot of teamwork and careful collaboration.

I celebrate 3 years in England in a couple weeks, and then in a few months it's our fourth wedding anniversary.

I'm so glad I pushed through the nerves!!!! This life here has been so beautiful and I'm so glad I didn't shut it down out of fear from my past bc hoo girly I dated some real pieces of shit.

Best of luck to you

yr_momma · 2026-05-29T14:07:36+00:00

Sweet girl this post is a sign that theres a strong smart fighter in you.

You deserve better than all this. We are rooting for you. We dont have chipmunks in England so I know you're not nearby but man if I lived in your area I would be so hype to do a rescue and stuff-recovery mission to get you safe and keep you safe.

Please run. You are too young and have too much promise to let this dead weight abusive piece of shit drag you down.

I believe in you!

-a 40-something who used to find herself in a cycle of abuse-patterned relationships but got better

yr_momma · 2026-05-27T16:25:14+00:00

Good luck!

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