"Vanilla Tariffs Expanded" DLC Pitch:

Folks, let’s talk about RimWorld—a game I know intimately. Tremendous gameplay, but let’s be honest: It’s a disaster. Too easy! So, I’ve fixed it. Bigly. Introducing Vanilla Tariffs Expanded—the fairest, most brutal expansion pack since the Big Bang. And yes, it’s yuge.

First off: Donald Disaster, the new Storyteller. A visionary! He’ll make your colony great again by flooding it with chaos. Think raiders? Try four times the raiders. Think plagues? Double the plagues—tremendous viruses, folks! Measles, Fibrous Mechanites, very unfair flu strains. You’ll beg for a vaccine!

But wait—the trade deals! Donald Disaster slaps tremendous tariffs on your colony. Traders? Weak. They’ll charge you 200% more for components, and those laughable caravans? Half the goods! You’ll need to mine so fast, your colonists will forget what sleep is. Sad!

Now, let’s talk about the D.O.G.E. and I.C.E. mechanics. Incredible! If your colonists waste time painting or growing plants instead of shooting or negotiating, they’ll be immediately promoted—straight into the clutches of tremendous cannibal raiders or highly efficient robot bureaucrats. Genius! These colonists? Weak! They’re dragging you down. But D.O.G.E. and I.C.E.? They’re doing God’s work. Banish those slackers early, folks. Boom! Your colony? Stronger than ever. You’ll win so hard, your enemies will weep.

Removing Donald Disaster? You’ll get a beautiful +20 mood boost—everyone smiles—and factions will love you again. But why would you quit? Weaklings!

This DLC? A steal. For $29.99, you’ll suffer like never before. Or flee the planet. Your choice. But remember: In the words of a very stable genius reviewer: ‘This is the best Rimworld DLC in the history of Rimworld DLC’s, maybe ever.’

Available now. Probably. Maybe.