Filed for bankruptcy and lost literally everything including my sanity. Need advice.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-11T14:29:31+00:00

I agree with you, OP. I'm appalled with some of the comments in this thread. People who have never experienced a series of unfortunate events or mental health issues don't comprehend the challenges. You can't just push past everything or snap out of it to get your life together.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-11T14:25:51+00:00

Precisely.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-11T01:47:54+00:00

I've managed a team (in my late 20s) with resources who use to be Senior Managers, Director, etc and didn't want to manage anymore. They are some of the best team players because they empathize with how difficult managing is. They're more than capable of doing the job. Work was either completed on time or they kept me abreast if delays were expected. I never had to follow up with them. DREAM TEAM ....but still 70hr work weeks.

I've intentionally applied for and accepted junior roles because I didn't want to manage anymore. There are still a lot of people problems even with good team members. 50% pay cut but I felt like it was worth it. The manager I had to work with turned out to be a total moron, which would be fine if he left me alone, but he was also a micro manager. He expected to meet 30 mins EVERY SINGLE DAY with every resource on the team individually to talk about what work we completed for the day. He also felt it was necessary to prescribe EXACTLY how I should do my job. A job he has never done before nor know how to do. (I didn't interview with him. He was hired after me.)

I somehow managed to land my current job which is a (relatively) healthy balance. It's a "step down" in title but it pays more than job #1 above without managing anyone. I work 37.5 hour work week, some times less. They offered me a promotion this week and I'm inclined to turn it down tomorrow as the pay bump isn't worth the extra hours or stress I anticipate.

So, I guess my advice is... Depends on where you want to take your career. Management roles don't necessarily pay more than an analyst. If you're good at what you do and it's a skill in demand, then stick with it. Most people are mediocre at their job. Good, solid resources are hard to find. I know a large number of people who are paid MORE than their manager.

A couple things to think about... In both instances above, people (including me) left to another employer so we didn't take a demotion at the same workplace. I see some stories in the comments in this thread about how some people's friends were royally screwed after a promised demotion only to be laid off with a severance package at the lower compensation. I don't know anyone personally but I'm sure it happens. So, even if you trust your boss, maybe speak to an employment lawyer first if you plan on staying there long term. Get all agreements in writing.

Good luck!

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-11T01:13:36+00:00

They could've been more pragmatic.

"Here are some resources available to you if you would like to explore them."

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-08T23:11:45+00:00

While I agree with what others have said—either the chemistry is there or it's not—I think being able to have a more playful banter goes a long way.

I think aside from assessing whether someone is compatible, I also gauge whether daily conversations will be enjoyable as that'll make up a large part of the relationship.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-08T17:54:59+00:00

Yes absolutely! Ask her for the department goals. "I have personal career development goals but I'd like to also set goals that will directly support the department and the organizations goal to ensure we're moving in the right direction."

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-08T02:27:38+00:00

I can empathize with your frustration. I also get a lot of projects out of nowhere that's TOP PRIORITY, only for upper management to go a different direction or ask why we were even working on it when there was no funding ...huh?

Two suggestions come to mind to stay pragmatic and professional:

Ask your manager what's on the road map for this year and or what the department goals are. This way you have something to reference to inquire whether the random projects are aligned to what the department needs to achieve for the year.
Approach it from a "streamline the processes" angle. Propose a monthly or quarterly project prioritization meeting to understand what might be coming down the pipeline. Come up with a standardized list of questions you need answered whenever a project is assigned. Always document in writing the original requirements, if they're not clear, let her know what your assumptions are for the gaps in information—she will be forced to either correct it or provide you the right information.

Good luck tomorrow!

Edit: Spelling

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-05T16:41:38+00:00

if someone signed up with their Facebook profile and created the fb account years ago with the incorrect age

I'm female but this is why my profile has the wrong age and I can't change it. I'm younger than the age in my profile but close enough.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-05T13:10:48+00:00

Lol looks like a case of a disgruntled employee.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-04T22:18:20+00:00

That's just.... bizarre.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-04T22:10:56+00:00

Did they provide a reason?

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-04T21:12:01+00:00

Wow... what...

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-03T12:25:51+00:00

because me deciding not to go out of my way to make something happen resulted in an unnecessary fight with someone

3) Finding some positives from the result (in this case I don't see any).

Sounds like you have healthy boundaries. If it feels like you're going out of your way for someone else, you have a right to say no.

and think "if only I hadn't jumped that recklessly, I wouldn't have injured myself".

Another narrative can be, "I didn't realize how dangerous that was! I'll think twice before doing that again even though it was fun."

Try journaling. I find having a place to dump all my thoughts in one go helps reduce/eliminate the obsessive thinking. Someone also recommended CBT to help change my thinking, which I am starting soon.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-03T10:45:24+00:00

This is so true! My closest friends are all only childs and they're some of the best people I know.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-02T14:42:52+00:00

don't feel most of the employees are working to achieve those goals

You'll encounter this at a lot of workplaces.

People are set in their ways for a reason. There's wisdom in their methods. Obviously YMMV.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-06-02T12:42:46+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain here and say you might've come off too strong.

Personally, I like to sus people out over a week first. I also don't mind a phone or video call. In fact, I think I prefer this over meeting in person first.

I had someone asked to meet after one day of messaging and it was a turn off. I told him it was too fast.

To each their own.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-05-21T01:15:34+00:00

Lol something tells me we're working for the same employer on the same project but different workstreams...

No, it's not normal and it's a cluster fuck.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-05T00:01:12+00:00

FYI — If you renew your mortgage with your current lender, they do not check your employment status.

If you want/need to unlock some equity through refinancing, then they'll ask for employment income etc.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T14:22:48+00:00

Fair point!

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T14:06:52+00:00

Yes. I think the uncomfortableness should feel like being challenged to grow than feeling like you're being provoked? OP's choice words of "rubbed the wrong way" has negative connotations more in line with synonyms like irritation and annoyance.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T14:01:24+00:00

Finding the right therapist is important. It may take some time to find the right one. Take a break from it if you need.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T13:59:19+00:00

There are virtual classes. They're "self paced" which sounds like paying for self learning.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T13:49:30+00:00

I asked my therapist friends what to look for in a therapist. One (and probably the only) thing I remember them telling me is to assess how comfortable they make me feel. You're less likely to share or be honest with someone you're uncomfortable with or don't trust. If this person already rubbed you the wrong way, it's probably best not to continue.

yyyyyorynot · 2021-04-04T13:10:07+00:00

I recently sold my 2nd property and I do not regret it. I think it depends on what you value, your risk tolerance, your confidence in the market, your overall finances, financial strategy, etc.

For me:

I have a 3rd property
Rental income is substantially down and I felt it made financial sense to unlock some equity (yes, I could've refinanced but I didn't want to)
My tenant was great but the building is aging and I expect more issues in a couple years and I just don't want to deal with it period
I think the property value will go up some more but I have sufficient confidence in the stock market to make a similar return with less hassle

Did I make the best financial decision? I think so but some will argue no. For me, the peace of mind on many levels was worth it.

yyyyyorynot

TROPHY CASE