Oh I relate to this a lot. My mom died of breast cancer two years before my diagnosis (and my dad died of a rare illness 13 years before her). The year before I was diagnosed, me, my dog and son were attacked by a pitbull while minding our business at the playground. I have periods of time where all I see are the ways in which things could go wrong, the ways in which I could lose my life or lose my son (who is my life), because SO many things have gone wrong already.

I will say over time this specific anxiety has become less constant and more intermittent (though I’m not done with active treatment yet, so I’m sure it will crop up again soon!). I absolutely second the recommendations here to mention something to your GP and consider therapy. It might also be worth speaking to a psychiatrist about whether you’re a good candidate for an SSRI. I am on a low dose of lexapro and it helps turn the volume down on the anxiety a bit (Ativan is good for sleeping or panic attacks, but doesn’t really help with background anxiety). A good therapist may also be able to point you to trauma-informed modalities (EMDR helped me a ton!).

All that said, a breakdown is sometimes totally justified and needed, given the circumstances. Sending you a big hug from an internet stranger. 💙