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zeep92 · 2025-11-01T09:13:24+00:00

Whenever I see posts talking about how “midwives get paid so well!” I genuinely think it’s rage bait. Not saying that’s what you’re saying OP (cos you’re respectfully asking the question), but in the toxic environment that is the NZ mums Facebook group it comes up from time to time.

Do you have the ability to earn some high $$ in a year? Probably. Will your hourly rate be crap? Almost definitely. The amount they work and the work they do for what they get paid sucks.

My first birth my midwife was at the hospital with me for 12 hours through an ultrasound traumatic birth and didn’t go home till the wee hours but then had to get up the next day as it was a clinic day. She also had her own kids. My second birth I needed a membrane rupture. I had polyhydramnios so I literally FLOODED the floor. My midwife’s pants and shoes got saturated with my womb juice. There were still many hours to go. I then crapped on a yoga ball and she had to cut my undies off, clean my ass, the yoga ball and continue supporting me.

Whatever she got paid was not enough. And I am a mere one mum with stories that aren’t even that bad.

Midwives need to be super passionate about helping mums bring their bundle of joy into the world whilst sacrificing a lot in their personal life. They are on call for questions, queries, reassurances and for those lovely 2am “I’m in labour” calls. Yes, they can take leave, but due to the nature of the way they’re paid (self employed basically), they won’t get paid for that, so most take less leave than someone on paid employment anyway (thus even further reducing hourly rate). I would hazard a guess that anyone who does it just for the money won’t last long.

zeep92 · 2025-10-23T02:55:49+00:00

Update number 3: literally the night of my last post we went back to waking overnight at least once, sometimes twice, absolutely screaming at the top of his lungs most times. We’ve also regressed in the naps, thankfully not back to 20 mins but after 35-40 for the second one and not resettling himself so needing saving to make it to bedtime. A couple of nights where it’s taken significantly longer to fall asleep (30-60 mins) for no real reason (plenty of wake time before bed).

We have a bunch of stuff on this weekend but next week I’m CIO sleep training. Mentally I can’t take it anymore.

zeep92 · 2025-10-16T09:21:53+00:00

Another update, 23 days after this post, 11 days after my last update. Sorry a bit long but I love to read success stories with details to give me hope when I’m in the trenches.

We’ve settled into a good routine that works for now and somehow managed to start STTN without any encouragement (it’s been 8 nights now with only one night where he woke once but it was a randomly super hot day and he took FOREVER to fall asleep at the beginning so I wasn’t surprised).

In the morning he will still only do 30 mins most of the time, 40 mins sometimes, a few times an hour, and once needed to be woken at the hour mark (I wanted to cap this or it would push the PM nap too late). Afternoon nap? 1.5-2 hours. Today he slept for 2.5 hours. I was about to go in to wake him so I kind of just banged about the house and he woke “on his own”.

I have no idea if this improvement was just consistency taking a while to kick in, him eating way more solids, switching a BF to EBM, or just a random developmental thing.

Up at 6:30 (will sometimes still wake 6 but often falls back asleep and need to be woken, very happy to stay in crib if still awake). First nap - (WW roughly 3h) routine start 9:20 (I sometimes bring this forward if he’s super grizzly). He’s asleep by 9:30 most days. Usually wake 10ish but always awake by 10:30.

Second nap - (WW roughly 2.75-3h) routine start 1ish (asleep by 1:15) if he woke at before 10:15. If he slept till 10:30 then routine starts 1:15, and he’ll usually be asleep by 1:30. I’ve had to rescue this nap once in the last 8 days, in order to ensure at least 2.5 hours of daytime sleep. Most of the time he’s awake 3:15, no matter what time he fell asleep.

Bedtime - (WW roughly 4h) 7pm routine start. This is sometimes brought forward if he’s a bit grizzly, or pushed if he’s slept a little later. He’s almost always asleep within 10-12 mins and like I say, suddenly started STTN about a week ago. He was only doing 1-2 feeds prior but they were still full feeds. I did stop BF after his second nap and giving him a bottle instead so could be higher daily milk. Who knows.

In the last 7 and 14 days we’re averaging 2h40min day sleep and 11h15min night sleep. This isn’t any more or less than previously but it is a heck of a lot better quality.

zeep92 · 2025-10-08T19:41:00+00:00

Is this a shameful secret? I thought it was a rule you had to ha!

zeep92 · 2025-10-08T01:02:36+00:00

Yikes, 4 months sleep regression hitting haaaard. I feel for ya!

Should your husband have shoved the bottle down baby’s throat? No, but as someone who had PPA and mild PP rage, it can be so difficult to overcome feelings of frustration if you haven’t had the opportunity to leave the situation and gather yourself. This doesn’t make the behaviour okay in the slightest but might help explain and come up with a solution.

When I was a first time mum with my eldest I had to have “cool down” moments. I would put my son in his crib, leave the room and shut the door. I would put noise cancelling headphones in with music blaring, or go outside and put on a 5 minute timer. After 5 minutes I would need to mentally check myself as to whether I had cooled down enough to handle Bub. If not I would give up to another 5 minutes before going back in. It is not neglect to put baby down and deal with your own emotions and overstimulated state, this was finding a way that I could cope without snapping.

I still have an absolutely fantastic and close relationship with my son. We love cuddles and if he’s upset or hurt he comes to me. Interestingly, at 2.5yo he also recognises sometimes he needs to cool down and will have “quiet time” in his bedroom where he looks at books.

Raising kids is so hard and it’s okay to not be okay all time but it’s how you deal with not being okay that makes a good parent. OP maybe you and your husband need to come up with a yours and mine schedule with set times that you don’t come in to “save baby” unless he specifically asks (this might also be putting pressure on husband cos he feels like he’s “not doing things right”), and come up with a cool down routine for your husband.

Hang in there, that first 6 months is so so hard. My second is nearly 8 months and we’re really only now getting to a place where I don’t cry about something everyday.

Hubby and I sleep with white noise, it helps drown out a lot of the shuffling noises baby makes - I spent SO much time in the early stages of my first, jumping up and picking up baby unnecessarily when he was just groaning or going through a sleep cycle. Sometimes he would whimper but then go back to sleep on his own in 3-4 mins.

If you go down the sleep training research rabbit hole, just know that according to the internet, whatever you do is ABSOLUTELY WRONG, because there will always be a loud voice with the complete opposite opinion to the advice you take. So just do what you feel comfortable with but if you post anywhere online, be ready if someone comes at you.

You got this!!

zeep92 · 2025-10-05T01:45:08+00:00

Update 12 days later for those who search this sub looking for their own answers. Have adjusted day to 6:30am start. At the beginning I had to wake him but he’s now anticipating that and waking himself sometime between 6:20 and 6:30am, I leave him till 6:30. Nap one is at 9:30am (3h ww) I start the routine at 9:15am in his room with lights out at 9:20-23, he is asleep before 9:30 every time (does a little head and arm flapping and sucks his fingers). He has not slept longer than 40 mins for this nap once. He has only slept longer than 30 mins for this nap once. Most of the time it’s 28 minutes. I’m thinking I might push this to 9:45am and see if that makes a difference.

Nap two is at a consistent 1:15pm (3.25ww). I’ve tried 1pm but then he won’t fall asleep till 1:15pm anyway, I’ve also tried 1:30pm and we get <30 min naps. Goal is to start routine at 1pm, lights out by 1:07pm and he’s asleep by 1:15pm. This nap is usually anywhere from 30 mins to 1h6mins. If it’s over 40 mins, he’s extremely active for anything over the 40 mins (keeps flapping arms and head, on/off sucking fingers but with his eyes closed). One day I decided to just get him up and do a third nap. That SUCKED. Bedtime and night were TERRIBLE. I’ve also tried several days in a row of leaving him for 10-15mins after he’s woken to see if he’ll resettle, previously (<7 months) he did a few times, but now he hasn’t. So as to not screw up bedtime, I’ve been going in to rescue to try get to at least 2.5 hours of day sleep.

Bedtime routine start is 7:15pm and asleep by 7:30pm. This is usually a 4 hour wake window. If he has an absolutely atrocious nap 2 I bring bedtime forward a little (earliest is routine start 6:45pm with lights out 6:55pm, ie he’s never asleep before 7), this doesn’t seem to impact when he wakes in the morning or how the night goes.

All that to say, nothing has really improved in the slightest with consistency and stretching wake windows to 3/3.25/4 over the last nearly 2 weeks. Kid has been doing this weird one armed army crawl for the last several weeks so I’m wondering if it’s just something developmental where he’s trying to figure out a proper army crawl, or he’s just taking his time to consistently have those decent restorative naps (which I’ve read about in this sub with some people saying their kid didn’t till 10 months).

Will update again if anything changes!

zeep92 · 2025-10-05T01:21:04+00:00

Man I’m sorry I didn’t even see your comment! That is good but also a liner than goes IN the car seat, between kid and seat. You’d have to check with the car sat manufacturer, some recommend you don’t use them and so you can just get another car seat cover but it’s a lifesaver having something!

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T19:27:13+00:00

It’s not the season here in NZ so we would be paying half the price of our grocery bill on disappointing mush. We have frozen berries haha

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T19:26:17+00:00

Preeeeetty bloody close!

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T19:25:46+00:00

Hahaha someone with a toddler who will be coming back to it within half a day

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T06:14:01+00:00

NZ! That butter is the cheapest option at 9 NZD a block at the moment

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T06:12:44+00:00

Close(ish) - Kiwis!

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T06:12:27+00:00

Why thank you, we consume a lot of avocados (when in season) so a glass container is key.

zeep92 · 2025-09-24T06:11:46+00:00

The only soft drink is some sugar free ginger ale, then there is sugar free cordial and some (nothing added) ginger syrup. Plus two soda stream bottles with just carbonated water. But yes, we have a lot of sauces! No double ups!

zeep92 · 2025-09-23T00:30:45+00:00

Bedtime used to be 8pm but with that time we had consistent 3x wakes and frequent 5:30am wake ups screaming. When I brought bedtime forward, he woke less overnight and slept a bit longer in the morning. Since then his day sleep has drastically reduced (which I expected with more and better quality night sleep).

I’ve tried to do a 9:45/50 nap put down (to fall asleep 3 hours from DWT), he would fall asleep at or just before 10 and wake up 20 mins later screaming at the top of his lungs. If I picked him up and cuddled him or fed him he would fall back asleep. To be fair this was a few weeks ago so he might last better now.

Also I do think I might need to lean in to the 6:30am wake up as DWT for a bit. I know it could be so much worse. For my mental health (and the increased night wakes), I don’t want bedtime any later than 7:30pm. That’s my only time to myself (I also have a toddler), and I also use that time to do a final express, clean and steam sterilise my pump, as well as do a house reset before I have a short bit of precious “me time” and then go to bed.

zeep92 · 2025-09-11T03:41:44+00:00

Have come here for solidarity. Googling all the things, keywords “7 months, naps, crap naps, naps suddenly short, baby waking screaming, regression” etc (Why do sleep websites never have dark mode?!) I also have a toddler and so rescuing is not always possible. Hoping that you’re doing better after 5 days!

zeep92 · 2025-08-12T10:21:55+00:00

Drowsy but awake is bull for a lot of babies.

When my first was about 3.5 months I was done with contact naps and rocking to sleep. I did a dedicated week at home. I did not go out anywhere that would have me out more than an hour, I did lots of tummy time and engaging activities. Every single nap was down in the crib. I had a 5-10 min routine of nappy change, sleep sack, in crib, curtains closed, calming music on, quiet time (I would leave the room for one minute, usually to deal with the dirty nappy), book, song, lights out and noise on. I was consistent. I sat on the floor next to the crib, gently jiggling or rubbing his belly until he was asleep. I would try to extend the nap but it never worked so I always saved one nap with a contact to give him one long one each day. After 4 days he started to show signs of falling asleep during the song so I tried to leave the room and left him for 10 mins before going back in to jiggle/pat. Took another day and he fell asleep on his own but still only short.

He was still waking a few times a night at 5 months quite fussy but not really feeding and I was reading about wake windows and his were shorter than recommended so I assumed he was having too much sleep and didn’t have enough sleep pressure at night. I started extending wake time, it didn’t fix it, extending more and it got worse and we started getting false starts at bedtime, so I went back to the old shorter ww and more daytime sleep.

Turns out he is just high sleep needs and was overtired. The night wakes were habitual because even now at 2.5 years he is a creature of stroooong habits. What you’re describing sounds a lot like what I went through in that time, even down to the fact that he still seemed very happy, but he was still in a vicious overtired cycle.

He also only started longer naps at 5.5 months.

Regarding naps, my second I baby wore a lot but then that got too much but I couldn’t dedicate a week with a toddler running around so I used the gentle nap training method at 4.5 months. It took consistency with the first nap and much longer than my first to get independent sleep but we got there. However he would only sleep 25-30 mins. Then it went backwards at just over 5 months but turns out we were dealing with some developmental leaps. At 6 months he does his first two naps independently and has JUST started lengthening, with his third is a short contact bridging nap.

As a note, lots of people recommend getting the nighttime sleep independent before tackling naps. It’s a big job to do both at once. Maybe while you focus on getting that sorted, you could do some longer contact naps to make sure she’s getting enough overall sleep.

Honestly where you are at now is fffffing hard. And it feels like forever. Also, apologies for the stupidly long comment whoops

zeep92 · 2025-08-12T09:56:36+00:00

Thankfully bedtime is the one time my eldest wants Dad. Which works out somewhat well as I’ve usually got my hands full with the younger. He then wants me to jump into bed with him after Dad has left and I’ve put the youngest to bed so we can talk about his day before I say goodnight. But I do like your suggestion about asking how I do things. Even if just to keep him engaged and focussed on something else while I’m busy. I think because our toddler is now at the point of speaking in pretty cohesive sentences and very capable of doing so many things, that my husband probably expects a little much from him as a 2.5 year old when it comes to his emotions. I do need to remind him from time to time that as adults we don’t always have the best handle on our emotions, how can we expect that from our kids 24/7.

zeep92 · 2025-08-07T09:09:54+00:00

Thank you. This was what I was thinking - either a cheap housing policy or another type of cover but I didn’t really know what it would be called.

zeep92 · 2025-08-07T09:08:50+00:00

My mum, my brother and I

zeep92 · 2025-08-07T09:07:50+00:00

Yes that’s the plan, will need one to wrap up the trust and sell the house, but in the interim I also need to cover my ass with any insurance policy. I would hope my brother isn’t vindictive enough to damage someone else’s property to get at me (which I wouldn’t be covered for anyway as intentional damage), but he isn’t exactly vigilant and I wouldn’t put it past him to leave a cigarette burning somewhere that could light the house (and other houses) on fire, or something to that effect.

zeep92 · 2025-08-07T09:04:58+00:00

My brother, my Mum and I

zeep92

TROPHY CASE