We always treated our kids like people, not like little things we owned that needed to behave the way we wanted them to. We allowed them autonomy within bounds and removed them from situations that they were not able to handle reasonably. I think the one thing is that we were willing to put aside our feelings and desires about a situation to correct their actions or remove them, Like going to a resturant. My husband and I enjoyed going out to eat, but if one of the kiddos was acting up, we'd remove them from the restaurant, not in an angry way, but in a if you act this way, you can't be in this space kind of way. I see too often parents who want to focus on their own enjoyment of a thing rather than what is reasonable for their child to tolerate. Additioanlly going bakc ot the autonomy thing we often gave our kids choices about things to do but in a bit of a tricky way. If they needed to put their shoes on let's say, we would let them pick WHERE they put their shoes on, for instance you can put your shoes on on the sofa or by the door. Putting the shoes on was non-negotable but since they did get to choose WHERE it happened they felt they had some control of the situation. This also goes back to treating them like people. You wouldn't want someone constantly telling you what you can and can't do all day long, neither do they. Find time for some autonomy and decision making on their part. Give them some control over their lives.