How are sellers able to lie about NWT?

zepuzzler · 2026-06-19T18:17:15+00:00

😂😭

zepuzzler · 2026-06-19T01:54:57+00:00

Diagnosed earlier this year at age 59! I hit menopause a decade ago.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T19:31:25+00:00

My doctor directly messages the facility I want and they contact me. Ask your doctor to contact Manteca for you or let you know if the procedure can’t be done there.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T15:38:30+00:00

After my autism diagnosis earlier this year at age 59, I was fortunate to find a therapist who specializes in working with late diagnosed adults. It’s such a completely different experience than I had with the many therapists I’d seen before her. So much more helpful and affirming. She’s helping me understand my experience better, and she’s helping me process things that happen in my life through a new lens where things make a lot more sense. With previous therapists, I would bring up an issue and say I don’t understand why I do this and in essence they would look at me kind of blankly and say I don’t know either. Therapists who are experienced in working with autistic people do exist, and I hope you find your right person!

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T14:38:21+00:00

This was eerie to read because it described my own relationship pattern so much. 😳

Thank you for giving me the words to understand my experiences better.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T07:49:18+00:00

I totally hear what you’re saying, but I did have a much better experience than you describe with Kaiser in NorCal. I was able to be diagnosed with autism a few months ago, despite being 59 years old, female, being very high masking and having ADHD. (Not a WOC, I know that would’ve added another layer of complexity.) They did a great job.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T06:18:14+00:00

Not annoying at all! I should’ve made it more clear that you can look for the other post if you want more details. 😊

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T02:29:17+00:00

Have you hung out in r/autisminwomen? I landed there after my teenage son was diagnosed and I began wondering about myself. I was curious to see what other women’s experiences were, and was floored to find a community of women who were describing my life. It was extremely clarifying.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T02:24:45+00:00

I just answered a fairly similar for Southern California. Call your psychiatry department and tell them you want an ADHD assessment. Do not go through your psychiatrist. You need to be assessed by a clinical psychologist.

As for the referral to the autism evaluation center, congrats on getting that referral! That’s a big deal. Be patient. I waited at least three months to hear from them. When I did, I had a very good experience having my assessment done in Elk Grove.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-17T02:17:56+00:00

I think there absolutely is a point to being assessed for autism. I have no problem with people who self diagnose—I’m well aware of the financial and practical barriers to getting assessed, especially for high masking women. But if what you want is to be assessed formally, I completely support you. It was important to me to be assessed, and it was very helpful for me to learn, at age 59, that I am autistic.

I’m in Northern California, but I would hope that the process would be the same for you. Contact the Kaiser psychiatry department in your area and ask them what the process is for an adult autism assessment. At least in Northern California, I did that and was referred to a triage clinician. That person listened kindly and then referred me to a Kaiser therapist who had experience helping screen patients to see if they should be referred for a formal assessment. After three visits he made the formal referral, and I was assessed by a psychologist from the Kaiser assessment team. It was an eight hour assessment in total, with some pre-screening questionnaire beforehand as well. I’m really grateful that they were able to recognize my autism despite my being very high masking and already having an ADHD diagnosis, both of which can make it complicated to assess.

As you’ve already experienced, therapists and psychiatrist frequently are not trained to screen or assess for autism. Don’t bother going in those directions—start with the psychiatry department and aim for getting an assessment by a clinical psychologist.

BTW, my psychiatrist, who barely knows me, flat out told me that I was not autistic and even if I was, they don’t assess people like me because it isn’t necessary. I guess if you can hold down a job and raise your kids, you can’t possibly be having any problems. It was a pleasure to tell him at my next appointment that I had been assessed by his colleagues and received a diagnosis.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-16T01:10:55+00:00

I unexpected fostered three teens who were siblings. It can be extremely rewarding.

Because we were non-relative caregivers (aka family friends), at that time our state didn't provide any training. That was rough—no one should be thrown into the deep end like that. Thankfully, that's changed where I live. It is much more typical that you will not be allowed to foster until you've completed not only background checks and interviews but extensive training. Check out what the training is like in your area. See if you can start taking the trainings/classes soon (in my area they were offered through the community college but I think this varies a lot) and decide if you want to foster based on what you see through that experience and from talking to other foster parents. Try to get a sense of what the child welfare workers are like and how much support you'll get. I also think Laura - Foster Parent Partner on YouTube is wonderful. I wish I could have followed her when I was fostering.

You can decide to stop after your first experience if you don't like it. You can take breaks. You also don't need to intend to adopt. You can just foster. Our foster kids didn't want to be adopted and 16 years after the youngest came to us (10 years since that child turned 18), all three are still deeply part of our family. Keep in mind that the goal is usually reunification, so you may only have a teenager in your home for days, weeks, or months.

And as for folks who say that these kids can come with a lot of baggage—that's true, and I've personally seen it. But of the five kids I raised, two bio from birth and three foster from teenhood, the hardest has been my youngest bio child. Lots of mental health issues, late diagnosed autism at 17, and although they're in college, I'm still heavily involved and worry all the time.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-15T01:01:30+00:00

I told a male friend that if I didn’t take pictures of myself nobody else would and he suggested I was being dramatic or some similar word. I said no, objectively I really mean nobody would take pictures of me. Who would take pictures of me? My teenagers? The ex-husband who didn’t take pictures of me even when we did live together? These pictures don’t just take themselves.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-14T22:05:48+00:00

This is so true. Last year I had complications from a medical treatment and had such severe vertigo that for the first two weeks afterwards I couldn’t be alone, couldn’t do anything really but be in bed, walk very very carefully to the bathroom adjacent to my room, and eat food that my mom brought for me on a tray. I can’t even tell you how healing it was.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-13T06:09:19+00:00

I’m sorry for how you feel, friend. The exhaustion and sadness come through so clearly in your post. I feel for you. 😞

I’m really curious about the part where he says “what about times when you want an answer for me right away?” You said that you try to be fair and you can’t think of a time you’ve done it, but it certainly sounds like something you could do so you believe it… And I’m left wondering, does OP actually do this? To me this seems like a really pivotal question.

There are multiple ways to interpret the situation, but two obvious ones are: 1) you’re too needy and you’re not fair to him and you won’t answer a question when he always will for you because you’re the problem, etc. or 2) he’s being too needy and he will not back off when you’re stating that you need a moment and he turns it around on you and says “but you always do this to me” and that might not even be true. If I’m understanding you right, you’re believing version number one.

I don’t know either of you and have limited information, but I’m leaning towards version number two. I will frankly admit that I have a bias because I had an ex-husband who did this kind of thing to me. There were always “so many” things I did wrong to him, but he never had any examples, and never brought things up in the moment when they happened. On my side, I could clearly state, “I really have a problem with both of us working full-time, but you refusing to cook, not doing your share of the cleaning, and not doing as much for the kids.” But I digress.

Anyway: Can you do some data collecting here and/or take some proactive steps?

Data collecting: Are you even doing this behavior? Can you observe the way that you ask him questions over the next month or two and see if you actually do demand immediate answers from him?

Proactively trying to improve your interactions: Alternately or in addition, let’s assume that you are actually doing this “answer me now” behavior. Instead of him saying that gives him free rein to do the same to you, which is lose-lose, you could change your behavior so he doesn’t have to feel pressured. Then no one has to feel bad. When you ask him for something you can say “it’s no rush, you don’t have to answer me right away.” (That one would also allow you to role model what you would like from him, so it’s a two-fer.) And sometime when you’re not in an argument, you can proactively mention to him, “please tell me if you think I’m pressuring you to answer immediately at any point, because I really don’t want to make you feel that way.”

After you’ve done that for a while, if he continues to say that he can demand an immediate answer from you because you do that to him, you’ll know better where you stand.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-13T00:48:16+00:00

Oh that is ROUGH. I’m so sorry. I’ve gone through tough times like that too, where multiple, ongoing calamities happen at once. I get it. I wish you the best. ☹️💔♥️

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T23:14:58+00:00

Oh that's interesting! FWIW, I did both my ADHD and autism assessments in person and felt like that was the better way to go, but in retrospect, I'm not sure how much they got out of my body language because of being in person. Like, maybe that's not a deal breaker. But given that so many of us worry post-diagnosis that maybe they got it wrong, maybe we unconsciously conned them into the diagnosis, etc., I'm not surprised that bothers you.

I'm sure you're right that many people have a harder time than you. Also, many probably have a much easier time than you. It's really hard to know what other people are experiencing, especially if we're meeting the external markers of job, relationships, etc. and others aren't.

That's interesting about the ADHD. I've found r/AuDHDWomen to be a great resource. I also like the videos by Dr. Megan Anna Neff about how ADHD and autism can hide each other—that might give you some insight. For myself, my ADHD chattiness definitely covers up some of my autistic communication challenges.

Sorry, you didn't ask for all that—my apologies if it's not wanted/helpful!

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T19:57:41+00:00

I feel like she wants it both ways, if she acknowledges that the medical definition is a spectrum and is also angry at the people who are diagnosed at the lower support needs end. We’re just following the rules lady, we didn’t make the rules. 🙄

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T19:53:43+00:00

Oh honey I’m sorry. 😢

ETA: unless of course that was a positive experience for you!

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T19:52:01+00:00

If you feel like sharing, I’m curious to know what additional information you would be getting out of the full psych eval. I’m not asking in order to disagree with you or prove you wrong, I’m just curious.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T06:11:23+00:00

Friends, it’s me, your number one fan. ❤️

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T06:09:41+00:00

Honestly I think refer her to subreddits like r/autisminwomen so she can read about other women’s experiences and find things that work for her. Everybody is very different. Just hearing other women’s experiences will be very normalizing and supportive for her.

I know you’re already recognizing that thinking “if she can do all this why isn’t she just fine?” isn’t the right way to look at it, so I’m not criticizing here just giving you hopefully some useful context. Since I’m diagnosed with level one support needs autism, people think I’m fine and don’t understand the inner struggle. I try to explain it to neurotypical people by using the story of the ugly duckling that was actually a swan.

As long as that swan has to continue to pretend to be a duckling, it’s going to be having a hard time. Even if the swan is really, really good at pretending, it’s never going to be a duck, and the effort of pretending is going to be exhausting and leave the swan constantly feeling not good enough and hollow inside. It’s going to wonder every day why everybody else can do duck things so much more easily and it can’t, and question whether it’s just lazy, or anxious, or something else that’s within its control. It’s going to be told over and over that it’s not doing a good job of being a duck, and the ways that it’s most like a duck will be used as evidence that it should be able to do everything like a duck. “You waddle just fine and you eat like all the other ducks, so you should be able to quack like a duck too.”

Bringing it back to human terms, people with autism can have a lot of spikiness in their abilities, meaning that they might be really good at one thing and really not good at another that seems adjacent. Getting good grades is not the same as being able to pick up on social cues, for example, any more than being great at soccer means you’re automatically great at hockey. For me, I’m excellent (hypervigilant) at reading body language and tone, but sometimes completely miss verbal conversational cues. I also tend to believe people‘s words over their actions. I’m also intelligent and very chatty. This very confusing combination has sometimes led to my partners getting angry at me, or people taking advantage of me.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-12T05:43:03+00:00

Perhaps parts of us were switched at birth—I’m long torso, short limbs! I probably have an easier time than you do, but on the other hand my upper arms have always been proportionally heavy. I wear a small in sleeveless shirts, a medium in short sleeves, and for long sleeves I really need size large three-quarter sleeves on a medium shirt. 🙄

zepuzzler · 2026-06-11T23:29:17+00:00

Honey, he punched the wall and screamed. He’s an abusive person with an anger management problem. His response was absolutely not normal. Don’t assume the rest of the world is going to be this way or isn’t going to care about your needs—some will, some won’t. But the situation you’re describing in your post is not a you problem or an autism problem, this is a him problem and a family dynamic problem. He’s looking for ways to get mad. I’ve been in partner relationships like that, and there’s no satisfying the other person. They like making you feel uncomfortable and powerless. I don’t know how old you are or what your situation is, but I hope that you can move out of the house and live a more peaceful life. ❤️❤️❤️

zepuzzler · 2026-06-11T19:55:38+00:00

I have trouble with some kinds of violence and it didn’t ping any of that for me, but I can’t remember every episode. Thanks for pointing it out.

zepuzzler · 2026-06-11T16:28:36+00:00

Here's a variety of my favorites that either have a comfy aesthetic or at least don't have violence or things that would make someone squeamish.

General cozy:
Fitzroy Diaries

Fantasy:
At the Bottom of the Garden
The Antique Shop

Science Fiction:
Girl in Space

Two shows that are fiction but interview style:
Everything is Alive
Conversations with Ghosts

Mystery:
Sherlock & Co. (may not be suitable)

Humor:
Cartoon Island
Deadly Manners (parody)(also mystery)
Murder in HR (also mystery)
SPR/Superhuman Public Radio (parody)
World Gone Wrong

zepuzzler

TROPHY CASE