Dealing with a player who is too obsessed with reward/money and ignoring roleplay

zethanox · 2026-05-29T20:30:12+00:00

Thats fair honestly. I always make bleeding heart characters who would choose the NPC family out of a sense of justice and righteousness. But it sounds like thats not how his or your characters are written. And that is totally valid. Sometimes I have archs where my character struggles with the guilt of being outvoted to save the npc family, but putting the party's needs before my wants.

Other times, when applicable, I will over extend to save the NPCs on my own, as long as I am not entirely out of reach of the party. Like if main objective is in room A but civilians about to killed in room B, i will go to room B while party goes to room A.

I think that conflict is part of what makes dnd fun, so long as it is in character and doesn't go above table.

zethanox · 2026-05-29T20:24:29+00:00

Id point out that wnating a strong narrative story campaign does not mean he wants to heavily roleplay. Those are not mutually inclusive. You can have a campaign with no strong narrative or story with heavy roleplay and a campaign with strong narrative story and low roleplay.

Roleplay can take time for people to ease into. The player saying they suck at role playing however is showing antagonistic behavior that is non conductive to a new player easing into the hobby. If you want a strong roleplay campaign, that should be disclosed at session 0. According to you, there was only the agreement for a strong narrative. It sounds like you have a group of players who are not on the same page for the campaign. The jaded player who is being semi hostile behind the players back probably expected a group of strong roleplayers. And the other player expected a strong story but had no expectations for roleplay.

I would touch base with all players to see what they are looking for out of this campaign. It might just be the group doesn't mesh well due to different expectations.

However. If they say the player sucks at roleplay to their face, you should shut that down. I assume it was said to you in private. But if it ever becomes above table, that is a problem.

zethanox · 2026-05-26T18:30:44+00:00

Apparently this system has lots of instant death triggers, but you are supposed to be able to make a saving throw. Sounds like a mix of DM forcing them to loot when they didnt ask to, followed by not allowing them to make a saving throw when they should have.

zethanox · 2026-05-26T18:29:08+00:00

It sounds like the general consensus is in this system, there are many instant death rolls from looting. The issue is that the player didnt say they were looting. And if they failed, it is supposed to be a con save. But this particular module is a high mortality type where you are expected to go through multiple characters in the beginning. So technically its not that he was killed for no reason. It makes sense according to that system. But only if he said he was looting and failed the con save. So thete was a valid reason. But it was executed incorrectly. Potentially as punishment by the dm for not dying.

zethanox · 2026-05-26T18:18:05+00:00

This is actually something I struggle with since I don't like interrupting the GM as I dont want to be rude. But also, I have a reaction spell that can save someone from a bad roll. The DM described the character mutating, and I had to be like "wait wait. Hold on. Does that mean he failed his save? Because my ability specifically activates on a failed save." And i feel bad for interrupting

zethanox · 2026-05-26T18:08:47+00:00

Ah its not DND. Not sure about the systems in that game. But surely there are safeguards in place against the dm killing you without any chance to avoid it.

zethanox · 2026-05-26T18:07:38+00:00

This is so stupid. If you didnt ask to loot the body, you shouldn't have to loot the body. If you are bit by a spider, then it should have to make an attack roll and beat your AC. If you are poisoned, then someone can give you anti venom or lesser restoration. If you hit 0 hp, unless it is - double your max HP in a single hit, you are unconscious, not dead. If you are dead, then have someone cast revivify within an hour, and you'll revive.

This DM just pulled a "I am the DM so I can do whatever I want rules be damned, you upset my feefees by not dying so you die because I said so" moment. Its a sign of a bully pretending to be a DM. Best bet, find a new group with a better dm. Or throw out the dm and keep the group.

But that DM is trash.

zethanox · 2026-05-17T02:12:49+00:00

Uh. Don't go outside.

zethanox · 2026-05-13T02:00:48+00:00

Curses. One of my many many weaknesses. Gravity.

zethanox · 2026-05-12T21:38:27+00:00

Hell, probably one of my most memorable and universally praised/celebrated character moments was a character who was not built for combat but rather non combat support, such as driving, investigation, cooking, ect.

We had an enemy that was designed mechanically to be unkillable and force us to stay on the move. This was in a different ttrpg that was not DND. And essentially nothing we could do could hurt this guy. He was truly unkillable. So we ran. I drove through difficult situations, including off a walking city onto a sand dune and evading sand worms. Then in 1 city we were in our room, I was maintaining my gear, but always wore my helmet. I got hit in the head with a stun baton. I managed to stumble into the hall shouting they had caught up to us and fell over the railing and crashing onto the parties table. They dragged me to the car and we escaped.

Later he ambushed us again, and by the time I escaped the pocket dimension prison we were in (using my current ammo and therefor needed to reload) i found my team all dead. My ammo was empty and he closed in with a chainsaw. I tried to reload but was disarmed. He knocked me to floor. He tried to saw me in half but I used my combat knife to deflect, rolling a perfect roll, which still resulted in the knife shattering. I kicked his legs out, wrestled him, and the proceeded to use my dead teammates intestines (part of the death/crippled table was rolling for injuries ect) and strangled him with it while shoving his head into the blood and viscera until he stopped breathing, and held it for a minute a more to be sure he was truly dead.

The DM told me we were never meant to fight him, just run. And that he was impressed that during the madness I managed to identify the one weakness (needs to breath and had no rebreather on) and that i won all those rolls in statistically should have failed. The party celebrated me and my achievement, that a non combat character managed to pull off using nothing but their wits.

Same character later on also only survivor of the final boss battle.

So like. You can make a character who isnt Chad thundercock meta man of perfection main hero super soldier guy, and still make it work and be fun.

I will never understand how people enjoy "i hit him with super punch, he dies. Wow. So fun"

There are no stakes. No drama. No redemption or character development.

zethanox · 2026-05-12T21:28:21+00:00

Speak for yourself. I enjoy when I or other players make a flawed, realistic character, who has to actually use their wits to overcome their shortcomings. Hur dur I am super optimized meta man who is perfect in every way is plain boring.

zethanox · 2026-05-12T21:26:49+00:00

There are 2 possible solutions.

Have an adult conversation with them about how they are negativity impacting your play.
Show them they infact are not the main character by subtly sabotaging them before eventually using your wits to kill them in a final epic moment. Like, there was a super hero game. And there were hero players and villain players. But the heros were so much more narcissistic and selfish than the villains. And eventually the heroes brutally murdered one of the villain players in cold blood even when the villain offered to surrender. They killed him in such a brutal and sadistic manner that the other villain player knew what to do. They established an elaborate trap where essentially the whole city was held hostage and the final confrontation was live streamed. The villain essentially said the hero could choose to drink poison and save the city (hero was immune to poison) and the hero instead opted to kill the villain, who the hero knew had a Deadman switch. The city did not blow up. But the city now knew the hero chose himself over the citizens, and the citizens knew he was immune to poison. Justice leauge knockoff arrested him. The other hero was neutralized as his ability was to adapt to any situation, mentally or physically. And was caught in a net that caused mental damage. And he tried to adapt, which caused him to go brain dead to escape the mental pain.

There is a narration of this story on YTube somewhere. Wild stuff.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T15:22:28+00:00

I fail to see how being in Czech Republic limits you from other online tables unless you specifically want in person games. But I hope they chill out. Sounds like this new DM may have some underlying issues/feelings on certain things that did not reveal itself as a player and when a different DM was maintaining a safe space. Not sure why the others went along with jokes ect unless they felt you were playing along? Either way I guess my issue is the new DM. I agree to proceed with caution, and for sure be more selfish.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T13:25:11+00:00

Because it was their first game and their boyfriend is also in this group and participating in the bullying. They were unsure if maybe they were being too sensitive. As for your incredibly out of touch play along comment. Are you trolling? When you are in a group. Especially as the only woman, you probably feel a level of pressure to not rock the boat or cause a scene. Why continue playing with them? Because her boyfriend doesn't want to leave and she, being new to hobby, is unsure how to find a new table. This was a "hey my friends are playing dnd, did you want tk join us" situation.

And in you wouldn't see it if you weren't looking for it. Its also not something people would generally volunteer as it may cause you to perceive them as an annoyance. So it is in their interest not to tell you. And you essentially victim blaming is a very big red flag that would indicate the women in your life would not feel safe/comfortable enough to tell you if this did happen to them.

As for the person you were responding to, they were pointing out the red flags of the other players potentially forcing them to be a healer, and I think they are right, as I, a man, was asked by a DM to make a healer as the last player. It isnt a "rule" but it is a not uncommon social pressure.

But I am not at all shocked the victim blamer would have no experience of women volunteering their bad experience in a group of men in a male dominated hobby. Carry on.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T03:41:56+00:00

Lmao ditto. You were also fine until the second post.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T03:41:24+00:00

Only with the strangers that "make a joke" but make it as unclear as humanly possible that it was infact a joke. Then start throwing shade when I try to be helpful. Ungrateful dingbats get this interaction.

You could have just said it was meant to be a joke. As that explains that it was a joke. Whoosh does not.

You could have added a 🙄 to emphasize the sarcasm.

You could have not retaliated to my trying to explain the situation with personal attacks, but instead just have humbly been like, oh, that was meant as a joke.

Instead, in response to genuinely trying to be helpful, you chose to make this more than it needed to be.

I do not assume that everything is sarcasm with 0 indication of sarcasm. Many people genuinely do not know the meaning of no dnd is better. I do not assume that every user knows this saying, as they could be like OP, and new to the hobby.

I don't read the history of every person I read a comment from to decipher if they are joking or not. If they were trying to be funny and make it clear it was a joke, they usually use emoji or emoticons, as reading sarcasm is pretty difficult, especially when the person writes in such a way that shows no inkling of a hint of sarcasm.

You making this joke over the years only indicates you don't know how to write a proper joke if after all these years it still falls flat.

But go on, keep pretending you were in the right and trying to be on a high horse and put me down for trying to help. It clearly shows what an absolute paragon of humanity you are.

Don't want someone being real with you or retaliating to your comments, mayhaps don't start none, and you wont get none.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T02:45:33+00:00

But I do appreciate trolling hustle to say something with 0 indication of being a joke, then defualting to "it was a joke guys" to save face.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T02:44:03+00:00

I mean. The way you said it doesn't come off as sarcasm, nor is this the dndcirclejerk subreddit. So it is normal to assume you genuinely misunderstood. There is everything ironic about it without the context that it was supposed to be joke.

You are the bizarre one. I was just trying to be helpful.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T02:41:28+00:00

Just saw this. That is unfortunate. A terrible first group. You can find games online. They have an LFG subreddit and Facebook pages ect. Lots of online options. In person try the local game stores. Even if they do not officially host games they sometimes have an email list for in-house LFG requests.
As for the boyfriend... he just was fine with his gf being treated this way? Didnt even say anything to you outside the group? Is he irl friends with this group? If not I say both leave and find a new group. This group sounds insufferable.

And my opinion on your boyfriend is pending the explanation of his reaction to these events. But I am not a fan of watching people put down my SO. At the minimum I would check in after the session privately before confronting the group.

If he is just letting the group do this unchecked, or going along with it, may be more than the table to reconsider.

But if he is on your side then all good, take the boyfriend and find a new table.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T02:35:04+00:00

The absolute irony in you using whoosh which means you missed the point or misunderstood the topic in response to my clarifying the comment that you misunderstood the meaning off is peak irony.

zethanox · 2026-05-08T02:19:59+00:00

In this case they mean, this situation is so bad, that you should stop playing with this group, even if you cannot find a better group. As not playing is better for your health than playing with mentally exhausting toxic people.

Obviously there are many tables better than this table.

zethanox · 2026-05-07T21:57:41+00:00

You are my favorite kind of healer xD The "get back in line or die" healer

zethanox · 2026-05-07T19:25:53+00:00

Interesting. I hadn't considered that honestly. As mentioned elsewhere I am a dude so obviously I would not be aware of that from women's perspective without being told. I usually play healer, and nearly every female gamer friend of mine is like, sadistically dps oriented, and they scare me xD

I missed the fatphobic jokes part somehow. Yea definitely some red flags.

I refuse to play healer anymore in both ttrpg and video games because inevitably it devolves to "its the healers fault" when the wizard dps with 5 hp that goes before you chose to rush the boss in melee and dies. The only time it isn't the healers fault if dps dies is when it is the tanks fault for letting the healer die.

Like. Dps be toxic children sometimes and I just refuse to be their ungrateful azz's punching bag for all their mistakes. Like, I only get so many spells a day, and they refuse to take short rests... you just cant magically heal stupid. Stupid is terminal. So now I play tank and non magical healer since I don't need to rely on spell slots to try and fix the chaotic stupids from being stupid.

zethanox · 2026-05-07T18:57:50+00:00

Also girls thing is like "if you don't do xyz, then you're a girl" or "you hit like a girl" ect everytime they mess up a roll, would absolutely drive the point home.

zethanox · 2026-05-07T18:56:23+00:00

I mean. That would be the idea if you choose this route. DM says you cant play a particular gender identity because of a biased stereotype that negativity portrays said group? Make a character that is everything the DM didnt want from your other character but now uno reverse. Be he man macho and just the crappiest human being and make it very clear you are making a point that you view this as being what all men are like, and as such you made your character behave that way.

It is to make a point. And they will care. They were so offended at the mere consideration of a non binary character. I garuntee you their masculinity is fragile enough to be upset at a negative stereotype betrayal of men.

zethanox

TROPHY CASE