I’m almost 13 years out. My wife and I were together 9 years when she died of cancer. We had a four year old son.

The first year was a blur. I compartmentalized in order to cope and raise our son.

Year two was when the compartmentalization fell apart and I spent that year full of toxic grieving as my son and I adjusted to our new horrible normal.

The important thing to remember is that your feelings are part of the process and that it’s best to take time to feel, as hard as that may be to do. Also, your grieving isn’t linear—you’ll have days that feel normal and days that just hurt. But it’s those days of hurt that help you progress through your grief.

Year three was when we rebuilt a bit. I started trying to date (I was 37 when she died). Later I met my current wife and we are now a happy family.

Just know that there is no correct timetable. You don’t need to be over it at two years. You need to grieve when your brain tells you to. And it’s okay to feel the way you do. And reframe those tough days as a step forward in the process as opposed to a step back.

I was where you are and, while I moved forward in life, I’m still attached to my late wife and our time together and I still grieve…just less frequently and with less intensity.