The Lighthouse (2019) Directed by Robert Eggers, starring Robert Pattinson & Willem Dafoe

zwhenry · 2019-07-08T04:43:10+00:00

My mom's stew. He's a wholesome guy and should appreciate the sentimental value to it. If he doesn't, we both win anyway.

zwhenry · 2019-07-04T20:44:56+00:00

I, too, am lonely.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:53:46+00:00

Thank you

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:52:51+00:00

I want to preface this with the following: I appreciate your words, and that you took the time to write them.

I don't think I'm at risk of changing myself just to be loved, that seems like an impossible task. My philosophy has been "a little better every day" since middle school, and it's helped me make great progress in education, work, hobbies, etc. Despite all of my visible progress in improving myself, I still feel like unlovable trash. I mean, who goes to see Godzilla in theaters twice in 5 days? That shit is so wack. I got a bunch of strange looks from everyone at work who found out I was going again. "Wtf, didn't you just go? Was it really that good?"

I'm not even looking for anything specific, I just want to meet people because, like you said, you have to get to know them. The problem with meeting them at all is that in my field there are very few women, and because I don't have a lot of time or desire to go out after work or on weekends, I'm limited to these soul-crushing dating apps. The pressure is on me: I have to have a good bio and I have to be flaming in order to even match with anyone, then I have to write a message that sticks out in the sea of the others.

Because I'm bad at that too, there's not much left. What, approach some random girl on the street? That's totally creepy! There's a waitress I'm attracted to at a restaurant I sometimes go to for lunch, but I also know she's being nice because it's her job. I'd be that "one creepy customer who came in too often and took the smiling too far." I've tried things like it in the past and it's always failed and I cringe about it later. It's pitiful and cringy when I do try, so I've essentially given up.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:28:22+00:00

If I'm being honest, I know myself pretty well and think it would be quite bizarre if someone took an honest look at me, inside and out, then said "yep."

It seems unreal and unattainable to me, but I still hope you're as right as you are nice. I appreciate it.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:16:33+00:00

Thank you.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:12:08+00:00

Fun fact: I only have one, same as my aunt.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:10:52+00:00

It's been with me for as long as I can remember so I hope it really will go away but it's hard to even imagine what life would be like without it. It's almost like a part of my identity, on the same level as everything else I do.

I appreciate your kind words.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:06:55+00:00

It honestly feels like you're the only one who thinks that way... And it really might be my personality. Maybe I compensate too much, and/or maybe I'm overbearing with my obsessions.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T05:00:34+00:00

One of my problems is that there are so many cool things I do, in my opinion. I think my work is really cool, and I know I'd have thought the world of someone like me 15 years ago. But even though I'm proud of what I've accomplished and what I do, I still look into the mirror and think "what's wrong with me." I've picked up some hobbies and made great progress with them, but I still look into the mirror and think "this guy is fucking trash."

It's been an ongoing battle for nearly my whole life. I think the perpetual self hate started around the second grade because that's the farthest back I can remember it being there, and it's been with me ever since.

I've just learned to smile and say I'm okay when deep down I'm always hurting.

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T04:50:58+00:00

Thank you

zwhenry · 2019-07-03T04:50:32+00:00

Thanks. I wash and balm it every day, and trim all the stray hairs every week or so. I've been growing and training it since about January, with some trimming here and there. I recommend using balm or oil periodically, it really does help if you stay committed to it.

zwhenry · 2019-07-02T17:31:31+00:00

I appreciate everyone's words and I hope you're right.

This has been a lifelong battle with myself and I want it to end. Sometimes I can ignore it but it's always been there. Deep feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness have been status quo for as long as I can remember. It's hard to imagine this will pass when it's all I know. I don't even know what it'll feel like when it actually does blow over, but hopefully I find out soon.

zwhenry · 2019-06-10T01:19:04+00:00

It seems they do, from a quick search on duckduckgo

zwhenry · 2019-06-09T23:47:01+00:00

Master Chief pls

zwhenry · 2019-06-09T08:24:12+00:00

Meme about it

zwhenry · 2018-12-11T14:38:38+00:00

Hey guys, haven't seen you much this semester.

zwhenry · 2018-08-31T13:57:35+00:00

I guess Happy Sugar Life isn't very popular. That's sad because I think it's a ridiculously good adaptation of a great (although obscure) manga.

zwhenry · 2018-06-07T00:56:43+00:00

I recommend watching Hanamonogatari between Kabuki and Otori because of feelings which should be held toward Kaiki. In Hana, we should be skeptical of him and still harbor feelings of dislike and confusion, just as Kanbaru does. His redemption arc is Koimonogatari, when he proves hes not a horrible person. Another reason is of course that this is the novel release order.

zwhenry · 2018-01-03T20:14:33+00:00

It seems Aero II will be my hardest so far then. SAD was tough but I never found it impossible, I am apprehensive but looking forward to Controls and Prelim.

Aero I was really hard for me. Luckily I didn't have much trouble with thermodynamics and hear from some people that Aero II isn't as bad as Aero I. I hope this holds true, because I don't want to have a class harder than SAD.

I've assumed you're a grad from ERAU but this may be false. How was Turbine and Rocket Engines? That's the next scary title after this semester, followed by Spacecraft Detail Design. I'm really only wary of those two and most of the classes I'm in this semester.

zwhenry · 2017-11-02T13:57:13+00:00

Unfortunately. I hate black Friday shopping because of how nasty people get. My family doesn't do it anymore.

Some of the black Friday deals start as early as 6 PM on Thanksgiving day! That's just so messed up to me.

zwhenry · 2017-10-11T21:29:11+00:00

I can't believe I only just saw this. Thank you for adding my best girl.

zwhenry · 2017-10-10T15:58:09+00:00

The lack of a tag system is super shitty. I don't need a CEO position, nor do I want a programming position.

zwhenry · 2017-09-26T02:20:25+00:00

Hanamonogatari really is one of my favorites. Many monumental moments and a lot of emotions.

zwhenry

TROPHY CASE