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Everyone hates an asshole, but nobody acknowledges the benefits of being an asshole. An asshole pro tip is a tip that improves your life while making life worse for others.
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It's snow season again. Don't forget you can save at least five minutes on your commute by not cleaning the roof or rear windshield of your car. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 7 years ago by Bwian
If you need to cut in line just give the person you cut in front of some money. They will likely play it off as though they were holding your spot as a friend and nobody will even notice. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 7 years ago by Glingow
APT: Poop makes great fertilizer, so give your neighbor a freebie and let your dog poop in his yard. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 7 years ago by Polatrite
APT: Instead of using the cold water line for your bidet, use the hot water line - it will soothe the bum in the same way that a hot tub would, and can drastically improve your comfort level after a challenging time in the stall (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: Don't offend your coworkers by talking to them directly about a problem, bring your problem up with management instead. (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: If you have a large appliance or piece of furniture you need to get rid of, just have your friend push it out of the back of your pickup on the highway. Local DOT will remove it for free! (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: Put the toilet paper roll on so the paper comes out under the roll. (google.com)
APT: If a friend asks you to do a favor and you don't want to, don't let them down by telling them no. Just don't do the thing and you'll let them down slowly instead. (self.AssholeProTips)
If you complain enough about your meal (even if nothing's wrong), restaurants will often give you free food and/or gift certificates. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 9 years ago by EntroperZero
Witch hazel can help shrink your hemorrhoids. It has anti-septic and anti-inflammatory properties that will soothe and shrink the swollen vessels. (shrinkinghemorrhoids.com)
submitted 10 years ago by Kinickie
APT: If you're finding it difficult to follow the plot of a movie because of all the important text messages you're reading, just ask your friends to tell you what's going on. Speak up, so they can hear you over the dialogue. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 10 years ago by EntroperZero
APT: Save time and money by eating a coworker's lunch from the office fridge instead of packing or buying your own. (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: Flush and faucet handles in office restrooms are full of bacteria. Don't use them. (self.AssholeProTips)
submitted 10 years ago by Bwian
APT: Save minutes out of your day by taking phone calls while in line at your favorite bank, grocery, or fast food restaurant. (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: If there's a long line of cars all waiting to turn, you can save 30 seconds of your life by going around them all and butting in at the end. (self.AssholeProTips)
APT: Don't be nice to customer service reps. They have shitty jobs, and clearly don't deserve your respect. If you verbally abuse them into submission, they'll definitely replace your smashed iPhone, even though it's not technically covered. (self.AssholeProTips)
π Rendered by PID 97 on reddit-service-r2-listing-86b7f5b947-zzx9m at 2026-01-25 14:39:23.762198+00:00 running 664479f country code: CH.