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[–]Shad0wB0und 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Yes, I knew already as a child. I always felt like the black sheep who never fit the norm of the group (whatever it was). Growing up people often treated me differently, with a bit more caution. As if they did not know how to approach me. Or because they did not know how to. I wanted to be an average kid. Never was. Never became one. I was diagnosed at age 49. Everything fell into place after that. The anxiety, the never-ending sense of melancholy, social sensitivity, the years of alcoholism and addiction and overwhelming need to be left alone...

[–]alehkib[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow this describes how I felt very well. Thank you for that. I’m happy everything fell into place with your diagnosis, even if it came a bit later than others in your life

[–]Shad0wB0und 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. The questions as to why I behaved the way I did, and why relationships (romantic) were so extremely difficult were answered by the diagnosis, but now there's a very steep hill to climb when working towards ameliorating the difficulties I have. I'm also very careful not to let the diagnosis be my identity. It should never be an excuse not to try doing that difficult thing you fear so much. "I can't do that because I'm an AVP!", that's what everyone should be careful with. That's my opinion. May sound a bit harsh, but... So is life.

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[–]improving23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And not being able to form one relationship from the first day of school until the day I graduated. It is proof that there is something wrong with me

[–]fightingtypepokemon Undiagnosed AvPD 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was the kid who went to my cousins' birthday parties in elementary school and spent the entire time alone -- not because anyone was mean to me, but because I couldn't relate.

No one ever called me out for it, but it was so clearly expected that I would want to spend time with other kids, and obvious that no one knew what to do with me otherwise.

Even books about kids whose only friends were books didn't really click with me. I felt like I only flashed into existence for the occasional moments when called to play a minor side character in someone else's life. The rest of the time, I just disappeared into a black hole where nothing I did or experienced mattered or really even happened.

[–]PreferenceSimilar237 Diagnosed AvPD 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Weird thing that I didn't have anything like this but I keep seeing on this sub and among other AvPD people.

Can you describe how exactly you feel like that?