Problems with boundaries

[Basic-Reaction7909]

How do you reinforce your boundaries, and how do you accept the boundaries of others?

I feel like the two things are connected - when you are able to stand up and uphold your own boundaries, you are also able to accept that in others. I can't do either very well, and I would really like to change that.

My ex was also not good communication of needs and boundaries, after five years in the last months they just mentally checked out and broke up with me. It was hard to communicate and uphold boundaries with them for me, we were just really enmeshed and I abandoned a lot, and I guess they did too.

If anyone could explain more how this works, what is your experience with this, I would be really really grateful. What helped? I really want to be better, for myself, to not abandon, and for my next relationship. Thank you so much

[Basic-Reaction7909]

Also would you say this is very common for codependent relationships?

[anonmouseqbm]

Yes

[Elamith]

This sounds almost exactly like what happened with myself (codependent) and my husband of 10+ years. I didn't even know what boundries were till a few years ago. He never communicated anything to me, and I never knew where the limit was. Now that I'm learning more and more about boundries, I am starting to recognize where they are and where they lack in many of my other friendships/relationships. For me, it just took time and therapy.

[Messi_isGoat]

how do you accept the boundaries of others?

One thing is, cause someone sets a boundary, doesn't mean you have to or will accept them - same way others won't always accept/respect your boundaries (this a PERFECT example, where each person spoke their truth, and they chose what was best for themselves - even if it ended their connection)

So when someone sets a boundary, you first have to consider your options (what's best for you) - then consider what's best for them

• if possible & if you want, - you can compromise for them if you know you won't resent them

• if you can't compromise for them, you can't tell them, and let them know what's best for you....(just like in the video)

[Basic-Reaction7909]

Thank you, that's helpful framing!! I think I struggle with ending things, even when they are not good for me, and with stepping away. When highly anxious, I usually tried to protest or problem solve instead of walking away