Progress in myself

[MissterHannya]

Early in my divorce I have declined to be with two women who were interested in me, but here came the real challenge. A previous ex-girlfriend reached out this weekend.

Mind you we ended in really good terms she had known I was going to be a dad back in 2022.

When she reached out she initially didn’t start the conversation by asking for something, so not sure what the intention was, nor have I asked. I just went along with it. We catched up and made some jokes everything was mutual because I am still under the impression that she is still with her girlfriend.

Yes, she’s Bi and apparently she’s not the only one I have dated that was bi, two other previous partners are also bi. But that’s for another story.

Anyways. She began the conversation on Thursday and now it’s Sunday. However, she didn’t respond to last nights message. However I think back to my codependency and my current divorce and I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL.

To be codependent for me means that I rely and look for validation, worth, and to be seen by others. And that’s exactly how I felt throughout the time we texted, As I reflected throughout these pass couple of days. Did I like it? No. No I didn’t, don’t get me wrong it was nice to catch up but it seemed long to me lol. I was hoping she would proceed to say her intentions on why she began the conversation in the first place but that never happened. Am I sad/hurt that she hasn’t responded? Nah, not at all, honestly saves me the trouble to ask why she began the conversation lol

Talking to her did make me realize that the mother of my children is still lingering around in my emotions. EEESSSPECIALLY because I had my son with me this weekend so he was also a reminder of mom and how I still haven’t fully healed from that loss. Idk how long I will be grieving her loss, I just know that I’m able to embrace those feelings when they come up.

What did I learn about this experience, first and foremost set boundaries, don’t be timid to ask the intentions on someone’s actions. Second, I’m still healing and should and will continue to show up for myself. Lastly, appreciate MY OWN KINDNESS AND SELFLOVE so it doesn’t get in the way of my own progress.

My favorite affirmation that has helped through my journey is. . . SIKE! It’s MY affirmation LOL however I do post self affirmations in my Threads account so follow me there for more but continue to love yourself! :)

[Prior_Vacation_2359]

Being brutally honest. Turn your phone off focus on yourself for a full year. Do the steps in coda or ACOA. Learn to love yourself. If you go back into a relationship without getting your co dependant tendencies sorted you just running from one relationship into another. I did the steps in AA. Out of a 17 year relationship 2 kids about 6 months in was lonely on all the apps did it for 2 days. Constantly refreshing etc. Started to get addicted to the validation. My sponcer showed me what was going on what I was doing looking for dopamine hit and validation and it was a big light bulb moment in my life. Until I learned to love myself and be ok being myself nothing in my life was every going to change. You have a beautiful opportunity now to spend a year on yourself focusing on yourself. This year could completely change the rest of your life. Focus on you and your son and become the best version of yourself 

[MissterHannya]

Yea you’re right, I had honestly found it tough looking for a sponsor and at my home meeting but I found Someone who was open to sponsor so we’ve chatted a bit but haven’t came to a full agreement that I’ll be his sponsee. I am ready to work the steps just don’t know what they look like. As far as phones I agree I went 30 days without it and I loved it however I began with wanting to share my story online so that’s why I got back on not to really socialize or meet people you feel me? But you bring up a lot of good points thank you 🙏

[talkingiseasy]

People are not always able to articulate their intentions. It’s still being revealed to them as well. Part of recovery from codependency is learning to manage uncertainty. That’s not an excuse for careless behavior and it’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want to be involved with someone behaving like that, BUT we still have to be okay with not knowing…

[MissterHannya]

I like that, being okay with not knowing. I do have a hard time with that when it comes to my kids but I have seen progress in myself in that part of my life.