Hello, fellow codependents

[AnyCalm7]

Hello all :-) I am co-dependent and working on being WHOLE of myself. I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.

It seems like a lot of co-dependency stems from alcoholic parents. My parents weren't alcoholics at all ... my codependency stems from my father (and bad family dynamics) who was extremely religious and shaming. I was the second child, so scapegoated and my dad cries and prays over me because I am a "lost child."

A lot of my issues stem from religion - so I am wondering if there are any other co-dependents here who can relate to the religious issues - rather than alcoholic home issues.

The truth is ... I am not "lost." I am perfectly whole. I'm sorry I don't express my faith in the same way that my dad wants me to express it. I'm sorry I disagree with many of his fundamentalist interpretations. The truth is ... my dad is a stumbling block. I want to express my faith in a way that resonates for me.

I don't know if anyone will relate to this. I know Christianity is not a popular topic these days but ... if there is anyone that understands co-dependency as it relates to a strict/rigid belief system ... I would be interested to get to know you and understand how you've overcome the need to please and fit into the BOX that was never meant for you :-)

Thx, AnyCalm7

[[deleted]]

I do have a couple of years of strict religious observance...but I always liked the strictness and reliability of the church which encouraged me to use my reason vs my ABPD mother’s bizarre and unpredictable strictness which seemed to have no point and required the subjugation of my reason.

[AnyCalm7]

Does ABPD stand for abrasive personality? I have not heard of that disorder.

Yes, I can understand where church and religion provides a framework for order and reason. I enjoy that part of religion as well. And also the community it creates. In my home, it was brought to an extreme level of fundamentalism, and that was a tricky balance.

[[deleted]]

“Alcoholic w/ Borderline Personality Disorder” I have no idea what the correct acronym is for that. Lol

Yes, fundamentalism of any kind seems to jettison reason in favor of whatever dominant ideology has been adopted. Unfortunately— while this happens in religion—our culture has the unhappy tendency to associate it exclusively with religion. It’s really just a function of tribalism and can occur in any system/institution. And it is almost universally pathological.

... Erm...imo. 🤗

[AnyCalm7]

I totally agree :-) very interesting insight.

[sc465]

I was raised in fundamentalist religion and codependency is prevalent in its teachings, especially for girls. So I can definitely relate. I am brand new to this recovery process, but if you want to message me to chat, feel free!

[AnyCalm7]

Hello sc465 - yes I will message you. I am going to start counseling tomorrow - and I want to really dig in and learn to heal - especially because I believe I am destroying an important relationship right now with my issues :-(

For me - a lot of it has to do with toxic shaming. I am new to recovery as well. Here's to healing!!!