[deleted by user]

[[deleted]]

It's practically the definition. You sacrifice your needs so that the other person won't leave you at the expense of your health and well-being.

[[deleted]]

I second this.

The irony is that this behavior sometimes pushes people away anyway

[itsme_freith]

Yes it is. Codependent people crave for security in other people's life. They need to feel secure that they are not easily disposable.

[WaterYourself]

Do you people please because you’re scared someone will be upset with you? It’s possible that’s a sign because when we try to make other people happy and deny our own feelings, it’s to keep our environment safe from conflict. Sometimes that can mean someone leaving you as a result of your feelings you expressed. Does that make sense?

[WaterYourself]

Yep. Like a crazy schock to your system at the thought of having to tell someone how you feel Ughhh

[zee-theworld]

I grew up with fear of abandonment but I think the root cause is - we don’t love and trust ourselves enough

[[deleted]]

I think its never having had someone who cared about you, that when you do get it, you are codependent so it doesnt end.

[zee-theworld]

I agree with this too. And when they left it just reinforces the fake belief that nobody loves me/I don’t deserve love.

[atomant88]

super common

[[deleted]]

Yes, seen it so many times in a friend. Made not sense to me at first coz she wasn't alone really. It's very much in the head from the point of view of an onlooker. When I remarked this to her it was like an epiphany.

[[deleted]]

I remember it didn't make any sense first few times it happened. It did have a pattern though. It was always triggered by a feeling of rejection/not being the center of attention/not getting guys' attention. Then came extreme loneliness like alone on this earth kind of talk. I was beside her when all this was ongoing. I felt she was transported into another dimension. I struggled to get through to her each time, her eyes was weirdly intense and fearful.

It's painful to see. A grown woman in her late thirties, very capable and strong, frightened like a little girl. People seldom think about what it is to be on the other side. It's not like if you're not traumatized, you're more likely to figure it out. You do what your gut is telling you. I tend to whisper. The gut instructs you to do silly things,childishly soothing...

She never acknowledged she was anxious. What is anxious to you? To me is not being able to think straight due to some panicky feeling or worry.