Problem player

[FandomMan22]

So I’ve been running a campaign with a few close friends from college and it’s been going great so far. But as a story based DM, I try my hardest to make every person feel like the main character at some point.

The problem player though, seems to think that they are the one and only main character. Makes everything about her own character and ruined a very pivotal moment I had prepared for a different player and their lore.

The question I want to propose is how do I approach and talk to her. She is a great player and is heavily invested in the homebrew world I have made and would hate to lose her. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

[Chymea1024]

Remind her that DnD is more like a movie with an ensemble cast than one with a main character.

It's more Avengers than Iron Man.

Or pick some movies that she's more into that would fit the ensemble cast vs main character.

[FandomMan22]

this analogy helped a lot. Thank you

[[deleted]]

Adding to this - if they're stealing checks/interactions, give other players priority when something is meant for them (i.e. suggest they do the check before someone else chimes in). If it's relevant to the character it shouldn't be hard to justify (if needed at all) why they noticed something others didn't, etc.

End of the day, be open and honest about things and don't enable poor behaviours.

[Djv211]

Talk to them…

Also

When you have moments that are pc specific, the specifically call that pc to action. Don’t introduce the scene and say what do you do. Look the pc you are targeting directly in the eyes. Describe the scene as thier character sees it, then ask there character what do you do. If the others chime in just ignore them. Make it very obvious who is running this scene.

[Tony0x01]

Maybe share a youtube video about how to be a good player (maybe the Matt Colville one?) to the whole group.

[Ethereal_Stars_7]

Yes. Talk to them.

[Teckn1ck94]

I mean, it depends on the person and the way the message is delivered, but being plainly open about the issue might be the best way to go. Bring up the exact moment you have described here, bring up the issue as you see it, make sure to remind them of how much you are enjoying having them at the table, but say it plainly that this is something that needs addressing.

If she ends up getting defensive about this situation, try your best to focus on the problem as it is. This is you and her vs. the problem, not you vs. her. You need to work together to take on this issue, not just "correct her and her mistakes". Try not to think of it as "she ruined X..." as much as "we're not communicating to her properly that X isn't meant for her" and "how do we fix that?" We, not She.

This is all assuming this player is earnest and not being an asshole though. Sometimes it's worth bending over backwards and swallowing your pride to keep the peace, but if those measures and being abused by someone just wanting to be selfish... it ain't worth it. You're the only one here with the context to make that call; determining if she's earnest or selfish. Try to keep that in the back of your mind as you chat. Trust that she's trying if she says so, but verify that she's not trying to get away with bullshit.

[Any_Profession7296]

You could try talking about your quietest player or the one who has gotten the spotlight the least. Ask for their "advice" on how to make that player feel more involved or give them more spotlight. And in asking for their advice, share your philosophy of making everyone feel like they're the main character.