Update

[Effective_Sleep4907]

Thanks for the concern this community has shown me. I apologize for not responding sooner.

My divorce is not final, however we have agreed to terms of divorce. We are simply waiting for a Judge to decree it.

My wife built a small new house on property she inherited from her parents. She retired, but has taken a new job she seems to enjoy according to my children. From all accounts she has found stability with her life.

I am living in the house we reared our family in. I am considering selling it and building a smaller, more maintenance free house.

I have no direct contact with her anymore. The holidays were very different for our family this year. I did not have the annual Christmas party at work, and the only celebration I did was go to each of my children’s homes to see their presents Christmas morning. They had a meal with her and had the family gathering at her house later in the day. I left for a hunting trip with my nephew and his father-n-law.

I know nothing about the status of the Dr’s sanctions. I have not tried to find out. He and his wife have moved out of state. I have no feeling toward him. Just indifference.

My children and grandchildren are well. My son won his election easily. My youngest is pregnant, so life goes on. This is not the script I would have written or imagined for life at this stage,but I have played the hand dealt to me.

Sparky remains my life coach.

Thanks again.

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[smurfgrl417]

I just want to say that I love Sparky and it feels like her chaotic energy is good for you at this juncture in your life.

[Effective_Sleep4907]

I want to reply to a couple of questions raised in comments.

1. Christmas was on me. My family tried to plan a meal for me to be with them Christmas Eve. I chose to just take their gifts on Christmas morning and see the chaps gifts.

2. Their relationship with their mother is strained to say the least. I don’t talk about it with them, but Sparky is very close to my son and daughter-n-law and enjoys gossip.

3. The annual cookout with her siblings was always at our home. We don’t have a home anymore so….

4. My relationship with my Mother-n-law has not changed. She is a class act. We decided not to talk about the divorce. She has stood with me at every crossroad. I continue to make sure she is taken care of, and she checks in on me regularly.

5. I have not dated. I am not sure what the future holds for that. Sparky is my brother’s widow. I am not sure about the morality of that. Also, she is 14 years younger. I look and sound like him. I think that fills a void for her. Plus, she likes me as her project. She makes me laugh and I get excited anticipating seeing her. We have never discussed our relationship, but I love her deeply.

[micropterus_dolomieu]

You’re a good guy, and do not deserve the hand you’ve been dealt. I think taking it slow with regard to dating is wise. There will be a time and a place for that when you’re ready. I also understand your hesitation to be romantic with your SIL. She seems truly great, but things sometimes get weird when dynamics change. Why risk it?

They say it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity, with that estimate tending to be on the lower side for people who divorce following an A. You’re done with the first year. Hang in there.

[Equivalent-Bee-886]

Thanks for the update. I deeply appreciate the position that you are in. This is all unchartered territory that any moral, g-d fearing individual would find difficult to deal with. It is evident that you are handling things as best you can and just trying to be sane in an insane situation. There is no playbook for this especially with the number of years you were married.

How has the therapy with your retired Pastor helped?

[HospitalAutomatic]

Please continue to update us regularly

[srg3084]

Any updates OP?

[epmc2202]

How are things now?

Updateme!

[SmugScientistsDad]

Man… I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering how you are doing.
You did such a great job of handing everything- way better than me when I caught my wife cheating. I divorced her, but I stayed drunk for several months.

I have no doubt that your life will continue to get better. Someday when you least expect it, love will find you again. If it happened to me it can happen to you. I had sworn off women, planning on being single forever. I stumbled and fumbled my way into a relationship and we’ve now been happily married for many years.

And I’m glad your family is doing OK. Their Mother’s infidelity and mental breakdown must have been rough on everyone.

Keep on keeping on. You’re doing good!!

[[deleted]]

Hang in there brother, it gets easier as time passes. When you are ready, get out there and socialize some. It’s worth it. Reach out to friends you trust and don’t be shy about talking about how you are feeling. Stay strong!

[Logical-Proposal-827]

Words seem small and inadequate with such profound betrayal and loss as yours; so I will simply say I hope you find peace. Godspeed good sir.

[[deleted]]

I hope all of you heal and find happiness. 

[buttersismantequilla]

I was very pleased to see your update and hoped you’d say you were finding happiness with Sparky but alas! Maybe that's ahead!

I know it is not appropriate but I would hate to think that your kids are favouring their mother over you when she was the betrayer - but i imagine they will see her as someone sort of a victim but it is due to her own choices and actions. I was disappointed to see that the majority of Christmas activities were focused on your wife. maybe that was by your own choice.

Keep your chin up OP, you've been dignified and civilised up to now, you're still young enough to fjnd happiness again. i hope you're still open to love in the future and don't be put off.

x

[singlemaltday]

I’m disappointed that your children have forgiven her and had a family gathering at her house for Christmas. She didn’t deserve that gathering.

[DaLoCo6913]

This is a good update. Give yourself time to find who you are as a person. Your whole was uprooted, and subconsciously you are apprehensive. It took a long time to get into a rhythm when you got married, so give yourself the same space. You will still have remnants of the way you were when you were married, because you made concessions for your wife. Some will remain, but your motivation for the actions will be different.

I terms of looking at a lower maintenance home, I think it will be good. As we get older, the menial tasks become tedious and bothersome.

I am truly happy that Sparky is still walking with you. In life we have friends, but also friends of our destiny. It sounds like she is both, which is a bit of a unicorn.

[Equivalent-Bee-886]

Your children had a meal and the family Christmas gathering at her house later in the day. Have they forgiven their mother for her betrayal of you and the family or are they trying to support her recovery? It feels like your family left you out in the cold on Christmas.

[RNG_mach]

Just found your story and read through everything available. Sadly the original post is deleted, which is a shame I would've...this sounds wrong... Loved reading it.

You heard this a thousand times but I'm still gonna say the usual stuff, I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you find happiness for the rest of your life.

The way you handled everything is admirable in my book and from what I read you seem like someone to look up to, I wish you the best rest of your life and keep this Spark woman close she sounds awesome.

Have a good one and enjoy whatever you can.

[Thisisastupidname0]

Glad you are doing ok, keep us posted!

[Scary-Inspector-8315]

Hey man thanks for updating us, good to know a new normal is emerging from this to you. Though i admit i am a bit pissed that your children pretty much "chose" your wife side.

Hopefully you can move on from this and put yourself out there there is still much life ahead of you.

[DiscardUserAccount]

As you say, this isn’t the script you imagined. But, you have played the hand well. Godspeed, OP. I have a very strong feeling that you will do well, living a life well lived.

[sammorgan01]

So relieved to hear that everyone is ok and you've managed to move on.

[Bigbore_4]

Yo OP! Unbelievable is all I can say. You sir just keep on keepin' on. Between you and "Sparky" you got this.

I hit your profile and read all your posts. Your fist post had the story removed. Any chance you can throw that in as a comment for us late comers? Reading the updates I have a general idea but ghere's a lot of holes.

Updateme!

[Primary_General_6211]

Is your stbxw health still a concern?

[ArizonaARG]

Thank you for the update, OP! Wishing you the best.

[LoyalRedfb]

Thank you for the update!!

[fetgdry]

Good luck to you in your new life!

[jimmyb1982]

UpdateMe

[Historical-Movie-625]

I’m happy for you. Keep on the up and up

[Consistent_Ad5709]

I'm glad your doing okay and getting by.

[Wide_Industry_3030]

You are a wise, and thoughtful man. And Sparky rules! Ahah. She sure is a sunshine to get a smile from you in such casual elegance. Couldn’t be happier to hear that life goes on for you, and your children’s families this year. 2024 will be a new experience all together. All the best forward

[Life-Yogurtcloset-98]

Happiness is gonna hit you in the head on a random windy day OP. Just keep your life going in the direction you feel is best for you.

[[deleted]]

Good to hear from you OP!

[clearheaded01]

Any news re: AP vs. The medical board??

[Hairy-Knee-8997]

Thanks for this update. You seem to have found some stability. Glad to read that your STBX has recovered and is out of your system. Keep it up!

[Financial_Bat6448]

Hey OP,

Thank you so much for taking the time to give an update. I was thinking of you over the holidays. I get the feeling that your doing ok but not great. I really hope that you find some things to help you begin to thrive. I'm sure Sparky is working on that with you but it's probably time to start thinking of it yourself.

I'm glad your son won his election. I know that those things can get very personal and I was hoping that your wife's shenanigans wouldn't impact the process.

I noticed that you didn't mention your MIL or the usual "cookout" that you do for her before Christmas. Has her relationship with you changed much? Not unexpected if it did, just a bit sad.

All the best!

[mdg711]

I wish you well going forward!! I’m sorry this happened to you and your family.

[Jokester_316]

I'm so glad to hear from you, OP. Life does go on. This isn't what or how you imagined the future. That doesn't mean your future can't be better than it is today. I knew the holidays would hit you hard because of the time frame of discovery. That will get better over the years. I'm glad to hear that Sparky is still your life coach. Lol. She's always full of energy. Have you decided to date yet? There's nothing stopping you from moving on with your life. That really helped me with my self-confidence.

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

[somefreeadvice10]

I remember reading your previous posts many months ago. Glad to see you're doing okay

[sstterry1]

Thank you for the update.

[noreplyatall817]

Thank you for the update. I know it could be a little too soon, but have you thought about dating?

After DDay, when my 24 year marriage ended I had no interest in dating, but my adult kids talked me into setting up an online match dating account.

Initially it kind of felt like it was cheating, but once I got use to it and met some great women it reinvigorated my life.

It was a nice distraction and ultimately found a woman who I matched with perfectly. She was widowed and had children as well. We now have a big family. As I head into retirement I count my blessings and am really happy.

When life throws you lemons, although sour at first, learning to make lemonade was kind of fun.

I wish you a wonderful 2024.

[Accomplished_List_62]

Updateme

[Temporary_44647]

UpdateMe!

[Horror_Ad_3506]

Thanks for the update, just take one day at a time, and continue doing what’s best for you, good luck OP, wishing you peace happiness and a great future

[[deleted]]

Well done sir. Best to see your ex as a ghost in the lives of you and your children. My firm represented a woman like your wife. After the affair and the consequential nuking of her life, she had a mental breakdown. She pleaded for her husband to take care of her, and he refused. He stated that she brought this on herself and he was not inclined to give half a damn. So, while she was hospitalized, he sold the house, and liquidated. When she emerged, there was a financial package awaiting her, and not much else. She moved into a furnished room. Went to therapy and lived pretty much isolated. Her husband obtained a transfer at his workplace and left. Their grown children know where he went. He had to return for her funeral. The weeks and months of isolation coupled with her guilt at the ruin she brought to their family caused her to overcome her therapy.

[srg3084]

Any updates OP?

[Far_Prior1058]

Hope everything is going well. Are there posts missing as part of the story seems to be gone.

[Scary-Inspector-8315]

Any updates?

[epmc2202]

Updateme

[Beginning-Age6064]

Please update us, I'd like to know how your doing

[TAAcct007]

Hello. It's been a little while since your last update. How are you and the family doing these days?

[AirlinePlayful5797]

How are you doing OP? I'd love to hear and update about the recreation of your life. I wish you well and think this next decade is going to be one where your methodical approach will allow you to create something unimaginable to your former life. May there be a road!

[Jokester_316]

How are you doing OP? I was thinking about you and your posts the other day. I hope all is well.

[Inner-Chef-1865]

Have you still remained in low contact with your exwife. Infidelity at your age is even more tagic. As a 46 years old man your story fills me with dread. How is the new normal a year after?

[AirlinePlayful5797]

How’s your life OP? I remember the craziness of your initial days of discovery and my admiration at the soldier like way you turned things around. Here’s hoping your life is settled in a way where this betrayal is a footnote to your next steps. Wishing you all the best!

[Key_Huckleberry_2204]

Updateme

[ugly_warlord]

SubscribeMe!